hi--new here and needing help

aloha to all!! i ran across this site while i was looking for somebody to talk to about a problem i have with my husband. i'm confused if i'm in an abusive relationship, and i need someone to talk to about it. please help

confused_one

Please elaborate on your situation. Or, you can PM me.



Welcome to PC

hello. thanks for the reply. i sent you a pm, explaining (well at least trying to) how i feel or what i'm going through. again, thank you

feel free to open up here. that is what this is all about hon.

thank you for the virtual pat on the back. i wasn't expecting to get replies this fast, and i really appreciate the replies. i have been married for 3 years now, i have one kid, and am currently living away from my husband who's in the states (i'm in the philippines). i am not sure if i'm in an abusive relationship, although from the test that i took on here, i seems that i am in one. i am constantly reminded by my husband that he's been through a lot for me and that i haven't shown gratitude and appreciation for that, we argue over mostly everything, and everyday, i try not to say something that will cause him to blow up since he just "came home from work, and tired and i don't even care about that" . it's little things that makes me feel that i'm losing something of me everyday.

is he yelling, or worse hitting? does he put you down and such as that? can you explain more hon? I am sorry you are going thru this. I have been in both kinds of abusive behavior.

((( HUGS ))) - I am sorry the two of you are going thru such a hard time right now in your marriage....... if I read right the relationship is an emotionally abusive one and not that of a physical one. Is that right?

oh now even if he wanted to he has no chance of hitting me as we're miles and miles apart; but he has hit me ONCE. he does yell a lot (we talk online, as that's all that's available to us now) and he does call me names----being brought up in a conservative culture, i am not used be being called names (stupid, dumb****, %#@&#!) and we were reprimanded for that if we ever made that mistake when we were kids--and told him that and has asked him to please try not to do that; his excuse is that that's just the way he is; that's the way he grew up, and if i loved him i won't try to change him and just accept him for what he and who he is.

being called names is not good. is this why you guys are not together right now?

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confused_one said:
his excuse is that that's just the way he is; that's the way he grew up, and if i loved him i won't try to change him and just accept him for what he and who he is.

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While it is true that this is how he was raised / grew up - it is still not a reason for him to remain this way...... for as one matures they usually tend to evolve into a mature adult and leave their childish manners behind.

BTW - it is not wrong to try to help one change if it is for the better of the person and the marriage.

FYI

Confused_One - has posted her limit for the day due to her being a new member, therefore, she will have to wait until tomorrow to respond back with further replies.

(((confused_one))))

Be careful if he's hit you once. What happens when you all close up the distance gap>

And one of those names he calls you.....oh my.....my ex was on his way to becoming an abusive man and he never even called me a "B_TCH". That DUMB____ is pretty harsh. That would make anyone feel belittled.

Don't cower to him - especially if you are so many miles away.

You should buy the book I recommended to you. It will surely clarify some things for you. Some say abusiveness is literally incurable. Some say it's learned, some say it's bred. I think it depends on the person. Not sure what you should do in your situation but at least you can get some insight.

**Hugs**

thank you for the insipiring words my friends---friends for in you i found comfort and solace in such a way that i know i'll never find elsewhere