"You'll never be a therapist"

I think this is the real issue here also.

I agree.

I agree as well.

In one response, you said you had switched to another T and were tapering off toxic-T. But then, just now, you referred to toxic-T as your primary T. You also say you have no timetable for making a change and you have no idea why you stick with her. You said you have 2 years to figure it out, but you've been posting about the problems for about a year and are no closer now than you were then. i know therapy takes a different amount of time for everyone, but for a lot of posters (myself included), 2 years actually feels like a short amount of time to work out all (or most) of one's issues.

I guess what stands out to me is that when posters ask more probing questions, you have not answered. Several times, you have switched topics to quibble about minor aspects of posts or to focus on reporting laws or other off-shoots of the conversation. The manner in which you are responding also comes across (at least to me) as somewhat defensive, angry and hostile. Probably because you feel that you are under attack. It's not that I don't understand why you might feel that way-- just that if that is that the way you respond in T (as demonstrated by the recordings) and that isthe way you respond on these threads -- if the underlying issues don't get worked out, it is probably how you will respond with clients if they question you or they get upset (as clients are likely to do).

If you really do want to get healthy and be a T, do you have any interest in exploring anything you may have found useful about this thread? Maybe try to throw out some possibilities as to what you might be re-enacting with T? Or why you're staying with her? You don't have to have the answer yet-- just maybe start a list of possibilities to see if any fit? Or maybe decide to take a short break from T and see how you feel after not seeing her for just a month? See if you can manage without her for a short time, knowing you can always go back?

lol --I-- Switched topics? Me? REALLY? Because someone else brought up something completely unrelated and I asked for clarification (which, of course was not provided, citing comfort levels). But I switched topics...hmm.

And yea, getting a little upset that my threads being derailed towards non issues. Based on responses, you would think the original question had been;

"My therapist doesn't think I can be a good therapist and is threatening to report me to the licensing board. Can she legally do this?"

BUT that wasn't my question. Forgive me for wanting to bring it back to the OP since my question had nothing to do with whether or not my T wants to or has the right to report me to the board.

I've answered all questions that I have an answer for.

Is there something in specific you're looking for an answer to? Why I haven't left her yet? -Because I'm not ready to do so at this time.

And I never said I was tapering off primary T, I said I was considering it. The MFT Intern I see is NOT covered by insurance, so I couldn't switch it to him even if I wanted to. I cash pay for him. No, I don't want to let go of primary T just yet, but it doesn't mean I'm not doing work elsewhere. It just means I'm not ready to let go yet.

There is every chance T is going to see herself as the pained victim of this story. You said you would kill yourself if you did not have this T and she stayed. She has been unable to terminate thus far as it would be a loss of care and you really would have a case against. So she sits week in and week out containing your anger (not actually hearing it or understanding it but paying lip service) only for you to then report her anyway. How could she not see herself the victim in all this? Whether she is or isn't she will always believe in her own mind she has done what is best. You are so intent on making her understand, showing her you are right at the sake of anything else. THAT quality has to be truly worked on and healed to prevent you making mistakes as a therapist. I hope you find peace.

Not true in the US. Most actually don't require this.

Not all, but many do. The University I teach at requires this. It's not a state requirement, but one the program chooses to set.

From what I have seen looking at many different schools most don't. I actually couldn't find one school who had that requirement. I don't disagree with the requirement. I think it should be something therapy students have to experience, but most probably don't unless it is voluntary.

It is often highly recommended, but the main issue about why it is often not set as a requirement is that it costs money, not that it isn't important. It is the principle behind the matter that I was trying to get at.

For a therapy to be effective you should only have one T, one T whom you can share all important aspects of your life. It soulds to me like you are T shopping and only sharing parts of your life with different Ts.
Your theads get derailed by you. You respond to threads that run on a tangent but refuse to comment on those that deal with the heart of the matter. Your refusal to face your part in this mess.

You are in a passive aggressive relationship with yor Ts and you will not either terminate nor be honest enough to work it out. The only one who shall get hurt by this is you and it will not be the fault of the T but yours for not addressing you and your problems. You can point the finger of blame at your T all you want but until you get honest there will be no forward progress. Every t you see while you have this attitude will continues to be a waste of time.

I don't hide anything from the intern I see.

If I thought all it would take is transparency with primary T I would have done that- in fact I did try it, and all I got for my honesty was a lot of hurt feelings and blame. So I'm a little less transparent than I used to be. No I do not share the entirety of my life with her. No I don't feel safe doing that with her. Despite that fact, no I do not at this time want a termination.

As for responding to the heart of the matter- what is it that you'd like me to answer specifically that I haven't addressed?

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Why do you want to stay with an abusive therapist? That is one question you repeatedly avoid answering. We don't get it. You post, at length, how mean and nasty she is to you.

I found it difficult to leave a bullying therapist. For one, he dictated the "reality," and because he was an accredited authority, I believed his account over mine. Then there was the expectation, the promise that he would help me, even though emotionally I knew he wasn't helping. He told me my unhappiness was the reason I should stay. Really.

I read stuff that blames the client for the problems, that chastises the clients to repair the rupture, that tells them the problems stem from repeating patterns, that problems are all the client's pathology. There's such undermining of the client's perception.

A friend I trusted finally convinced me to make the break. I'm glad I did.

The question was not why you haven't left your T yet. The question is whether you understand what the implications of your decision to not leave your T may have on your ability to provide services to others as a therapist in the future.

Can you acknowledge that this may be problematic?

Also, if you repeatedly ask for feedback yet reject the feedback provided to you without showing an honest effort to consider it, people will not want to provide feedback anymore. There's nothing more they can say.

I don't think you have to answer any of our questions, IRL. It's your own question to yourself that should be a priority and that question is about "How do I prepare myself to be the best possible therapist to my future clients." I would question whether or not an "intern" therapist/therapist-in-training is the best person to be working with an individual with BPD. You and I both know that BPD is one of the most difficult personality disorders to treat effectively and it takes a therapist who is well-trained, well seasoned and adept to help someone with BPD to make important changes. I really wouldn't be as concerned as I am about this thread if you were a person who was simply struggling with mental health issues with a poorly trained therapist and hadn't found a way to terminate and move on. That kind of situation happens often here on this forum and I understand how difficult it is to disengage and move on. But you have clearly stated that you are in training to be a therapist and you know that practicum and internships are right around the corner (in less than two years). Healing effectively from BPD is hard work and it is rarely done in in under two years. Case in point, you've been with your current therapist for about two years, right? Would you say you're even half-way to recovery from BPD? Or do you have a ways to go? I really hope you begin to understand the real dangers of someone with significant mental health issues going out into the field to practice as a psychotherapist. Are there others out there who are doing so? Darn right there are! But you are young, intelligent, articulate and informed--don't add to the problem. Seek out a well-trained, seasoned therapist trained to work with people with BPD. No intern I've ever met has that qualification. She might be a very nice, competent and intelligent young therapy student with good supervision, but she's learning. She's learning on YOU and you need to work with someone who isn't scrambling around trying to get her feet under her. You need someone who has worked with many people with BPD and understands the issues and defenses. Treat yourself to someone that will improve your life and advance you career AND most importantly will protect many clients that will come to you as you venture out into your career.

This guy is different. Granted he's an intern, but he's studied with Jack kornfield and ekhart tolle among others in the field..he came to therapy late, he's not a young student. I'm learning mindfulness from him, and I think that is playing a huge part in helping me control my emotions in my everyday life. My primary t tried to teach me and I couldn't learn it from her, but I can with Brandon.

The fact that I'm ABLE to be in school, to keep a schedule and do the work speaks volumes to how much better I am-the last time I was in school I couldn't focus and had to drop out, couldn't get out of bed.

It's hard for me to let people in, much less men, but I am making discernible progress with him.

I always thought before I needed a psy.d in order to get better, but I have proven to myself that that is ********. My t is a psy.d and has helped very little, and Brandon has a different take on things. A borderlines biggest problem is emotion regulation and I'm learning that in spades via mindfulness and his non judgemental space.

I'm not eligible for practicum until fall 2016, so I have time. If I'm not ready for practicum at that point I will address it then, but m not going to let it stop me right now, or I will always be on ssi, existing "waiting" to get better. I waited five years. I'm done waiting. I'm a better version of myself when I'm actively engaged in learning and volunteering and being a part if the world, and until fall 2016, that is what I Intend to do.

I refuse to live my life on ssi forever.

If end up unable to practice then so be it, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I feel okay and I think the help Brandon is providing is more than adequate at this time, despite the negative influence of my primary therapist.



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This post sounds more positive than any you've written so far. Brandon reminds me of my T. Being a T is a second career for her but she's better than my other Ts who were more experienced. My T likes Kornfield and Tolle also; she's big on mindfulness too. I'm glad to see you acknowledging that your other T has a negative influence on you. This one sounds good!

I'm glad to hear that you're happy with your new therapist, IRL.
Best of luck!

FYI: Consulted with three of my Professors, including ethics Professor, and one even asked her malpractice lawyer: there is no immunity for reporting to licensing boards. If a licensed therapist breaks confidentiality in an attempt to prevent the licensing of another, that IS a breach for which they face the usual punishments for violating confidentiality. At least in my state it is, and I would assume it is the same in other states (but I did not look up other states.)

I really think the licensing boards, at this point, is the least of the problems.

The licensing board isn't a problem at all, (for me) I'm just posting for the benefit of those who have incorrect information.

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When you are ready to be licensed you will have had hundreds of hours of supervised experience in practicum and internship. There will be all sorts of people who will have worked with you and been pleased with the results of your efforts. That cumulative experience is going to mean far more to any licensing board than comments from a person who was not involved with your training and supervision.

Confidentiality means that T will hurt herself if she were to try to hurt you. Your own excellence, though, will be your best protection.

This is incorrect. I know for a fact it is not true in my state or the neighboring state. I know you did not believe me before, and probably will not now, but for the benefit of others, if it is an issue for a person, they need to look to their state specific laws.

I suspect the problem is one of semantics. There is a difference between a therapist reporting someone unfit to do therapy out of a vadiad concern and a therapist who is deliberately trying to prevent someone from obtaining a license to practice. The fact that IRL has spent so much time on something insignificant instead of looking at her own behavior is telling.

Lol is it? Didn't realize shooting my professors an email "took up so much time" and actually no, there is no difference no semantics between the two. They're both a breach and both punishable exactly the same. My professors were very clear.

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