[sidony]

Okay I hope you guys aren't sick of hearing about group therapy yet.

Last night I was almost completely mute in group therapy, unlike the week before when I seemed to have a lot to say. There were some things I thought I wanted to talk about (outside events that had upset me), but I couldn't seem to find a place to bring them in and then I decided I wasn't sure if I really wanted to talk about them at all anyway. So I mostly just listened (and occasionally tuned out).

Today when my therapist asked me why I didn't mention these things I said I might be in the camp who wants to focus group therapy only on the interpersonal relations in the room and not on outside events. He said he thought it was best to have some of each. It's probably mostly just that I'm unsure whether I really want to talk about something or not.

But my later comment on group was an analogy: I compared my feelings about group to when you try to watch a TV show that everyone says is great but you just can't get into it. Y'know? Basically just "not my thing." Funny how little this type of reasoning works in therapy. 'Cause then he's immediately on a track about why it is you can't get into the show that everyone likes (is it the theme? Does it remind you of something you don't like? Does it bore you, etc. etc.?) All those unsaid things. And he asked me why I didn't express some of these things about how I felt in group. I think I finally said "That's so outside my nature that it's never even going to occur to me." That, of course, is when he offered me help in group. Meaning I'm more likely to be mute next time because I'll worry about what he'll do with whatever I say -- That part's because I have pretty bad social anxiety which is an impediment to expressing how I feel (if it DID occur to me to express it to begin with). I don't even notice on a conscious verbalizing-type level how I really feel, at least not until later on when I've had a chance to think about things.

So there's an update on my Adventures in Group Therapy. I wonder if I'll ever think this stuff is worth it or if it'll always just be a source of confusion.

Sidony

[lauren_helene]

I'm never tired of hearing about group therapy. I certainly know how to blather on about my silly obsessions of late. I am glad you post about group therapy. I've never done it and wonder if I did, how it would be.

I think your therapist asked good questions!! I think group is bringing out in you more than you realized and that is a good thing.

That's a good analogy you came up with.

How do you think your T is going to help you in group?

And actually, I was wondering-- what role does your T take in the group? Does he talk alot? Does he ever ask you what you think?

I'm just trying to get a better sense of the dynamics of your group.

[sidony]

Thanks guys...

The way group therapy works: We just start talking about anything. Anything anyone wants to talk about. Our therapist listens for a while and then he'll eventually comment on the interactions, maybe asking how someone felt about an interaction, etc. He talks way less than in individual therapy. He lets the conversation get underway and then comments on what different members (or the group as a whole) are doing. It's really bizarre.

Pinksoil, you asked how he offered to help me. Here's a specific example from therapy today: I mentioned that last night (in group) I had spoken to another group member to try to clear up some confusion about a previous interaction he and I had had. My therapist asked me how the other member felt about what I said. I said "Well I guess he liked it." And then my therapist went on to ask me why I was unsure and had I not seen the other guy's facial expressions, etc. Next time my therapist wants to intercede more to ask me if I'm aware of what's going on with the other person because I tend to be so self-conscious (social anxiety again) that I don't notice a lot of subtleties in interaction (how I've made another person feel, how they've made me feel, etc.). But naturally I'm scared that he'll ask me to share that kind of stuff if I let him help me. He's mostly not interceded too much with me yet (presumably because he doesn't want to scare me off from the group just yet). Once or twice he's tried to help me and I've pushed him away. I guess I'd better let him though or I'll have to give up on this whole idea.

When I was first considering trying group therapy, I read a lot about it. I found a paragraph that I really like which I really think is a good explanation. So I'm going to quote it here. This was actually talking about flamewars (but is a great description of group therapy):

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
From http://www.plaidder.com/crackpot.htm#group:

The point of group therapy is to allow people to better understand, and if necessary modify, the ways in which they interact with their peers. The goal of a session is not so much to get people to talk about their issues, as to get them to be aware of the way they interact with the other group members while doing it. In other words, it's really about how the conversation works -- who talks, who doesn't, who gets upset, who gets angry, who plays alpha dog and who rolls over to show his soft underbelly, and why. So, for example, if A brings up something ****** that happened at work that day, and B says, "That's nothing, listen to this much worse thing that just happened to ME," and C says, "Shut up, B, can't you see A is upset?" and D says, "Why are you always picking on B?" and then A says, "Oh, never mind, it wasn't important," the thing to investigate is not so much what happened to A at work as why B felt the need to upstage her, why C took it upon herself to defend A, why D is so critical of C, and why A retires crushed instead of defending her right to speak. Eventually, in theory, A will learn to be more assertive and less whiny, B will learn not to be such an attention hog, C will learn to fight her own battles and leave others to fight theirs, and D will learn not to leap gleefully into the fray at the first sign of conflict.

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That really is what it's about. Being yourself and learning what you do in interactions. It's scary.

Sidony

[withit]

Sidony, thanks for posting how group therapy works, I really enjoyed it! Hey, I'd love to join!

[sunrise]

Sidony, I'm learning a lot about group therapy from reading your posts. Thanks!

It's interesting that again you seemed to devote quite a bit of attention to talking about group in your individual session. But this time it sounded like you were OK with that.

Maybe if your T is going to help you during the group session, you can have a special code word or gesture you use with him to get him to back off if he is pressuring you to do or say something that is way beyond your comfort level in group.

[sidony]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
It's interesting that again you seemed to devote quite a bit of attention to talking about group in your individual session. But this time it sounded like you were OK with that.

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Yeah this time I kind of wanted to mention why I had chosen not to talk about some things in group. So I didn't mind when he asked about it as I really wanted to share that part and hadn't managed to bring it up. I guess I really am moody when it comes to group therapy. I just don't know what I want! I often think that I want to just go back to doing individual therapy only. And yet I know there may be something there that I should learn. He definitely has a lot of insight. I just wish I felt like I was being myself in group, but I get so shy that I feel like I act completely different than usual. And then I feel angry and wonder what the point is afterward.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Maybe if your T is going to help you during the group session, you can have a special code word or gesture you use with him to get him to back off if he is pressuring you to do or say something that is way beyond your comfort level in group.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Good idea! I imagine I can communicate a lot just by catching his eye. I do wonder how the next session will go since he's likely to interject more comments if I try to talk. Eh, that means I'll probably talk less. I am a coward!



Sidony

[SecretGarden]

It takes a while to feel like yourself in group.... or it did me.

You will find your voice.

Do you trust your T to guide and assist you or do you feel that you need to set safe boundaries.

I like the eye contact thing.. That can work.