LCM coming to my concert

I think when we invite them to our life events it might happen they bring someone else. Especially young children. If I invite my t to my art show I won't tell her to not bring her husband or kids. I don't think it is reasonable

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Sorry that is so unfair they treat one kid better than other! Sorry you deal with crap! This girl isn't at fault though, neither is LCM. The girl might actually be nice! Sometimes kids bring positive in us.

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This is just something I thought of when reading this... it might be interesting for you to really give some thought to someday, with a therapist or with LC.

Your mother and sister are awful people. But you don't seem to want to make any pretend sister that could be a healthy relationship... yet you want to have a pretend mother. Why is that? I don't expect an answer, btw. I just really think it could be an interesting and potentially helpful subject for you to examine with a therapist.

Like... my mom and my half-sister aren't very good. My half-sister never wanted anything at all to do with me - I know her first name, her age, and roughly when her birthday is. That's pretty much it.

I'd rather have another sister than another mother. I know that I can't have more than one mom (unless I get married and have a mother-in-law) - and for me, personally, I would find it really insulting if I was to try and give someone else the same title that someone who is unhealthy in my life has! But, at the same time, people can have multiple sisters - some good, some not. So thinking of some of my friends as being like family, would be seeing them more like an extra sister.

A Red Panda this is a very interesting thought. Growli, your real mom did some hideous things so you like the pretense of a fake mom, maybe exploring the option of a fake/better sister is a thought for a therapist one day? I see your point though about seeing your life coach's real daughter as hard to take. I hope you and your life coach can work through this muddle.

What effect (if any) would the daughter's presence have on your ability to perform?

She said she might start crying, that would mess up the concert. Last time LCM was there growli was crying and had to leave work early. But it is different that actual concert.

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It would probably only affect me after the program.

HAhaha

Me: *is obnoxious while shopping*
LCM: "I almost just flipped you off"
Me: "I wouldn't have cared. I would have laughed and flipped you off back"
LCM: "and posted about it online to see the responses"
Me: "they already hate you"
LCM: "well tell them that they can go **** themselves"
Me: "I would if it wasn't censored. I get offended when they hate you"

Did you see her today? Did you talk about the concert?

Yes. She said that she agrees that bringing the kid would be problematic and is hoping her babysitter can watch her.

It's not a meant to be a fight between PC and LCM. If you ask then people will give their opinion.

What is your purpose in posting this?

I don't think anyone hates her as no one knows her but if that many people are concerned with her behavior (lack of professionalism and lack of insight etc) I would look into it. If you ask what people think they will give you their opinions.

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Want to bump this question up.

LC is so flagrantly unprofessional and inappropriate with many of her responses to you. You don't like hearing any criticism towards her.

Yet, you choose to post a direct quote of her being both inappropriate and unprofessional (you pay her so must be a professional, eh?).

What's up with that? Must not get too offended when we criticize her.

Maybe you post her most egregious comments so PC can criticize and you don't have to.

Or maybe it's just for fun?

I don't know why.

It really wasn't that unprofessional given the way I operate.

The way YOU operate is not the problem. Hey, many of us have some serious mental problems.

How she does, is. Because she is a paid mental health professional, there are certain behaviors that are, quite simply, unprofessional. This LC woman seems to have advanced training in:

Inconsistent/ absent boundaries
Very poor taste in word choice
Frequent teasing/bating behaviors

Obviously, you like it. But posting her bullshi!t on a psychotherapy forum is, for sure, going to get hackles raised.

And your goal in listing her bullsh!t is.....

Are you too scared to criticize her because you love her so much?

If this is really how you and LCM discuss the issues that you post about in your threads-- and the extensive, thoughtful, and well-considered posts that you've gotten over the last couple of years-- then I really don't understand what the point of being on PC is at all? This idea that PCers "hate" your LC-- or exist only to criticize her-- is pretty classic, childish black and white thinking. Clearly, that isn't anywhere close to the kind of feedback you have actually received. No one "hates" LC-- no one wants you to get rid of LC. What actually happens on your threads is a lot of probing of your childhood issues, hurts, past pain, maternal transference, etc-- and how that is getting re-enacted in your relationship with LC and how a lot of what she does triggers your continued responses. It's not "good" or "bad"-- it is a dynamic, gray, messy, human relationship that is very telling about what issues are actually going on beneath the surface that have yet to be worked out.

Do you actually have detailed conversations with LC where you explore with her the kind of questions or thoughts that come up in your threads? Or do you only tell her that "everyone hates her?" I'm genuinely curious because it seems important whether her response to you (tell them to f--- off) is based on a lack of understanding of what actually goes on with PC-- because you haven't told her anything substantive about it-- or whether she actually has a good grasp of what goes on in your threads and sees no value in them. If you've never told her about the content of the feedback you get, then I suppose she is just writing it off as "garbage on the internet"-- which misrepresents and devalues what you do with your time-- but that's your choice. However, if she actually understands the kinds of material that is discussed in your threads (which could fill quite a few novels!) and just dismisses it without any consideration at all-- and is absolutely unwilling to consider any value in how the feedback you get might be useful to explore as you continue to work with her-- then that's kind of scary.

From what I know of those who talk about PC with their Ts, their Ts are always very curious to explore the topics brought up in their clients' threads because it is useful "grist for the mill" so to speak. And, since people know us in different ways, understanding how people in your life-- mom, dad, friends, PC-- see you is always useful in filing in the whole picture. It simply helps flesh out more of a client's life, and how the client interacts with others. Even if she doesn't take in the "advice" part of the threads, simply being curious about the dynamics that play out in the threads and any revelations you share would seem to be HUGE for consideration. I can't imagine any T saying "Oh, so everyone on PC hates me and thinks I'm horrible? Cool. Tell them to **** up. Let's never explore WHAT you have told them to make them think that, WHY they might possibly think that, WHETHER they actually do think that at all, WHETHER you agree with any of the feedback, and then WHY you continue to post if that is the case." Has your LC ever asked you these questions? If not, I'm truly dumbfounded.

The way you two operate- it's like a friendship only it isn't because she gets paid. If she didn't she wouldn't be hanging around with you so stop paying her is not an option now... She won't change, told you several times she won't help you with your core issues and that's fine. She obviously isn't trained to do so. So honestly I don't have beef with her- sadly, and more importantly, I don't think that can be said about you Growli. Why else would you post here? You said our criticism pushes you into defending her even though you are/were hurt/angry... at her originally. Then you can go and tell her well they "know" about the way you're treating me and hate you for it but not me I love you nevertheless?

I am sorry you are not getting the help you need

Given that LCM *isn't* a therapist and this *is* a psychotherapy forum, and also given that these kinds of threads almost always seem to invite polarisation exactly because of that blurry line (about the non-therapist's lack of therapeutic boundaries) maybe this isn't the forum to have these discussions? Perhaps one of the other forums would be more suited to the content? It often seems that others get pulled into a pointless roundabout discussion of trying to apply therapeutic principles to a person who isn't in a therapeutic role (and is certainly not acting like it).

That feels like a true statement.

I doubt she would stick around if she wasn't paid. But she might? That is the true issue, she is getting paid for the total bs and for very lack of professionalism. She isn't providing anything of substance so why pay? You want to be friends so stop paying and see what happens. If she is just a friend then it is different



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To me it feels as LCM is playing a game, "let me say something outrageous and laugh how growli is gonna b.... about it online. " is it all funny for her?

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We aren't saying you are unprofessional, she is.

It is like saying it is ok for me to do pretty much anything I want because that is how my students operate? I teach special Ed, many are emotionally impaired etc(they aren't children and some are your age or older) i have to remain professional regardless what they might do due to their struggles (I am not bringing examples here but you can imagine) I am very fond of my students and we keep in touch years after but I still am a paid trained professional. She is being paid? She went to school? For this?

You don't know why you post? You are intelligent lady, you saying you don't know why you post examples of LCM being totally constantly wrong?

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exactly. couldn't have said it better.

growli, none of us are going to give any positive feedback on how your LCM acts towards you, because she's not a therapist and this is the psychotherapy forum.

Misunderstood my point. Her making a joke isn't unprofessional. Her use of language isn't unprofessional.
If she were working in a different setting, it might be. But using language when you know your audience isn't wrong.

We have talked about PC in more depth. She gets upset because she feels like me posting here damages my trust for her because it's hard to explain the way we operate to people. It is professional. It isn't conventional.

I post on PC in the therapy section about her because I do have strong maternal transference and we do work on issues I have and reframing. Saying we are just a friendship where she gets paid isn't an accurate description of the dynamic. It isn't a mutual relationship. We laugh and screw around sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's the focus of our sessions or that the dynamic isn't good. I playfully pick on her and tease her. We have explored why I do that. But she mirrors me and takes what I dish out. I'm a very playful person with her and in general probably as a defense mechanism. But I absolutely do instigate it.

I wish I could explain the relationship better. It's just not at all how it is portrayed. And that is my fault.