[Soccer mom]

As most of you know I have maternal transference with my T.

I'll go through intense feelings (positive and negative) about her. I want her to tell me everything I never heard as a child. I want her to be more caring, blah blah blah. I'm easily hurt by her. I will feel this way for days, cry and sometimes feel overwhelmed.

THEN, a few days later my intellectual/adult side comes out and I feel ridiculous. I KNOW she can't do all of that but I still want it. So, then by the time my session comes around, I've suppressed/intellectualized or disconnected myself from these feelings. BUT, if my T. were to say "see, as an adult you know I can do those things", child me would be hurt.

I wrote my T. a heartfelt letter about how my feelings towards her feel like a kind of torture I'm paying for. My session is today and I think why read it - she can't change and it's all me.

[Ellahmae]

I would suggest letting her read the letter. I wrote a rather lengthy letter in regards to that exact topic. It helped to have her know how I actually felt in those moments when they occurred instead of just my intellectual adult talking about them. We were able to work on things, normalize them, and it's a more open topic now which has decreased the stress/worry over it. I was a mess while she was reading it but once she was done and as we talked about it while she read it - it has been a great help in moving my therapy along. She needs to know how both the "inner emotional you" and the outer adult you feels about the topic, well in my case it was/is helpful for her to see and know "all sides" of me.

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

My session is today and I think why read it - she can't change and it's all me.

But it will help her to help you move forward and "change" as she will know more.

[rainbow8]

Yes, my child part wants to jump in my T's lap, have her hold me, keep me safe, etc. I feel those wants very strongly, usually when I'm away from my T. Then, in the session, my adult part realizes my wants are silly. Not silly, but unattainable. Holding Ts hand provides some of that, though. It's a compromise.

I think it's always best to keep talking about your child needs and wants even though your T can't fulfill them. That's a major goal of therapy, to understand those needs and talk about them until they no longer take over. I feel better when I tell my T, and feel less embarrassed because she tells me she accepts all of my parts. ( Not DID, just parts of my personality).

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree on letting her read the letter. I think it would help her to know how you're really feeling without the intellectualizing.

With my marriage counselor (paternal and erotic transference), I called him sobbing and left a long voicemail after I was upset about feeling rejected when he seemed unwilling to give me a second individual session to discuss the transference. I was embarrassed after I left it, but it let him know what I was really feeling without trying to intellectualize or downplay it--just raw emotion. His response was very helpful--and he thanked me for leaving the message and being open about my feelings.

Good luck!

[Soccer mom]

My T. will ask that I read the letter - she won't. I've written many before so I know the drill. She's a tough T.

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

My T. will ask that I read the letter - she won't. I've written many before so I know the drill. She's a tough T.

I think it's important to let her know either way - even if that means reading it. I've had to read a couple to T, too. Hard but in the end way worth it.

[guilloche]

(((Soccer Mom))) - How did it go? Did you bring the letter?

It IS hard, isn't it? I'm not sure that my feelings follow the same path as yours, but I definitely go back and forth between feeling good about my T and rotten. I haven't really made sense of any of it yet... it's just frustrating.

I hope your session went well!