Therapist always 5 mins late.

My T is usually about 3-5 minutes late, but it doesn't bother me because she keeps me a few minutes later. Marriage counselor is sometimes on time, sometimes up to 20 minutes late, because he's giving someone a longer session if they need it. But he always gives us the full time, so it's OK. And there have been a few times where he's given us an extra 10 or 20 minutes when we needed it, so I think it evens out.

If it bothers you, talk about it, definitely.

I think the length of sessions should be made very clear in the first meeting with a therapist.

i feel like if i talk to him...it will be a burden.

oh ACCEPTANCE appt is at 10AM. i have to be on TIME on the dot to get her...it will be having him make an extra effort for me..OUCH ! maybe thats the root of my problem...thats why i am reluctant to discuss...that he wont put in the extra effort or he just might?

Length of session in first appt he said 50 mins. then after 3 sessions he goes its actually supposed to be 45mins. ???
i thought maybe 45 min. session then 5 mins. for pmt. today he was late by FIFTEEN minutes !!!!!!can you imagine how many times i looked at my watch...and wondering what to do...!!!!
in case it happes again...can i just leave...and he shouldnt charge me..since the fault was his !!!!

Being on time for his job is not a burden. It's his job. He is providing a service for which you are paying, you have a reasonable expectation to have it be the length discussed and at the time discussed. If he's shorting you, then it needs to be brought up.

Get it clarified how long your appointments are. Personally, I prefer to have some tolerance for starting late. The person in front of me may have been in crisis and I would hope my T would be willing to stick with me a few more minutes if it was me in that position of needing his help. If you expect him to be a stickler for time, just be sure you don't expect him to give you extra time should you find yourself in a crisis towards the end of the session. These things do happen. It is the nature of therapy.

I know some people expect to start on the dot and end on the dot, but you strike me as someone who would expect your T to extend your session a few minutes if you needed that extra time. And there is nothing wrong with that need; I've needed that myself on occasion. If that's the case, then you also have to have some tolerance for that same scenario happening with other clients.

If you want a therapist who will kick you out of session when time is up simply because time is up and he has to stick to that time schedule for the next client, then you need to hunt for a therapist who works that way. Most do not.

My therapist was at least always 5 minutes late and it always pissed me off -and she knew it! I was "inflexible ". No, you are late!

At the end of our 5 plus year relationship, I told her, you owe me 78 sessions for free. 5 minutes x 3/week x 5 years equals 78 50 minute sessions. Minimum.

She didn't agree.

Really made me angry, in addition to other things.

The first one I see has only been late once - and I called her to tell her I was leaving. It turned out she was in her office and had gotten caught up in something and not checked the time (or so she said). She apologized and it has not happened again. I go in a minute late because I refuse to sit in a waiting room and I leave exactly on time. I do not want to be at her whim on timing.

The second has run late few times, but she calls to let me know. I can deal with that.

I would not choose to work with one that I could not reasonably rely upon for the correct time. Others can. I don't wait more than 10-15 minutes for an appointment with anyone except a judge - and there I am being paid by the hour. I never wait, for myself, more than 15 minutes for an md.
A client does not have to be at their mercy, but in order not to be, one might have to choose a different one to hire.

Lolagrace I completely get what u r saying. Thing is he had time. I saw no other patient waiting for him and he walked out of the building to grab something from outside 2 mins after I left. I was sitting in my car and saw him Why can't he be that flexible with me? If someone was waiting. I would understand. But he choose not to extend the time. Even if I m in crisis..he shud know in 50 mins it has to be wrapped up. He shud be professional enough to steer the convo towards the end. I know I m being harsh...just feel ?????? About it today..

Clients can be harsh with therapists - just tell the guy. Is telling him worse than how you feel about it now?

Exactly. If that kind of clockwork is what is important, then you have look to find a therapist who works that way.

I wouldn't want a therapist who works that way. I can just see me in the middle of a dissociative episode, hyperventilating. "Oh, time's up. You have to leave. NOW!" Nope. Would not work for me. Or, "You are suicidal and have an imminent plan. Well, time's up. Figure it out on your own. Bye." Nope. Would not work for me. I need a therapist able to deal with an immediate, unexpected crisis on a moment's notice. That may not be important to everyone in therapy. Not everyone has those kinds of scenarios come up, and it's not that those kinds of things happen constantly, but for some of us, they DO come up and having a therapist able to handle those crises is vitally important -- much more important than a schedule.

Were you in a crisis? You didn't indicate that was the case. Was there a reason you needed extended session time?

You assume a crisis in a session will happen early enough in session that he can predict that and contain it within 50 minutes. These things don't always happen that neatly. In fact, they rarely are in neat packages that way. Nothing neat about them actually.

The other thing is that OP did not seem to be describing a situation where the therapist was dealing with a client in crisis before OP - OP said they were the first appointment of the day. That strikes me as quite different from being able to be flexible if something out of the usual arises.
Flexibility is one thing - but chronically shorting a client on time is quite another. And it does not mean a client is unwilling to be flexible just because it is upsetting for the therapist to be chronically late.
Some clients have jobs where they cannot be particularly flexible if the therapist is inconsiderate about time. Some clients have to be back at work by a specific time for example.

I'm simply addressing the possible need to have a bit of flexibility about schedules. And if you are unwillingly or unable to tolerate that kind of flexibility, then you may need to find a therapist who is inflexible with their schedule. I'm sure they exist. Just be willing to accept all that that kind of inflexibility entails. If that is really what a client want, then go for it. Just be sure that is truly what you want.

I was not in crisis ...but I wish I had the full 50 mins. He did mutter the words I m sorry...n that's it. I didnt reply. Can he make up up for lost time in another session ...? I only go 1x a week. So its a big deal for me.

I am not sure what type of crisis ppl have and when it hits them. So can't say. If it towards the end of session. Hmmm...sure .just he seemed so casual about it..couldn't he have said last client took longer ..needed some support or whatever....I would ve felt better...bit he didn't find the need to.

He can't tell you what goes on with another client. And if he is like mine, he comes into my session completely focused on me. He doesn't come in stressing over his last session; if he is, he certainly doesn't share it or show it, nor should he.

It if fine to talk to to him about what you need as far as promptness, etc. And if he can't meet your needs that way, it is also fine to find a different therapist. I'm simply pointing out that therapy done on an absolutely strict schedule may work for some people, but not for all. If that is what you want, then you need to find a therapist that will work that way with you. But you talk about wishing he would have stayed longer with you that indicates you actually want him to be flexible for you. You just have to realize if he is flexible with you, he will probably be flexible with others, with answering calls or emails between sessions, etc., and that may affect the absolute promptness of the start of your sessions. Basically, I'm reminding you that you can't have it both ways. You just need to determine what is really more important to you. Is a compromise possible for you in your expectations so that he can meet your needs on both ends closely enough that you don't stress about it?

I have had therapists tell me they were running late because of a crisis with another client. No details.

Being flexible with me today wouldn't have taken another clients time. That's the thing...how do decide who to be flexible with and with whom not. For what ever reason...the patient before me got 15 min. Extra. Couldn't he just give me for what I was entitled. ?

Flexibility is fine. But don't u think more should be done then just saying oh I m sorry...

Stopdog I didn't even get that..just a measly I m sorry

Why do you believe you were "entitled" to more time? I thought you said your sessions are actually 45 minutes (not sure). You actually don't know that the other client got an extra 15 minutes though; perhaps that person's session also started late and the therapist went over to be sure he also received his full 45 minute session time. You don't really know the details, so you are making a lot of assumptions. They only way to clear this up is to actually speak to your therapist in some detail about the matter of scheduling.

I think you really should talk to your therapist regarding how you are feeling. The bigger issue I see here is that you equate the amount of time spent with you to how much he cares about you (or, in this case, how much you don't think he cares about you)...which is a bigger issue than "he is regularly x minutes late and it's unprofessional."

Try 15 mins late. ... like mine but I don't let it bug me, at least not too much. I can't control him.

Unless I misunderstood Acceptance, she was saying that she only got around 30 minutes in her session; the therapist ended it at the scheduled end time and then she saw him getting something out of his car, so she didn't understand why he didn't give her her full 45 minutes.

Okay, so maybe the guy had a phone call he had to make or something. One thing I'm getting from reading this thread is that he seems to be a bad communicator.

If a therapist is more than 5 minutes late for the start of my appt., I expect a short apology. If I only got 30 minutes instead of 45, I'd definitely expect to be told the reason for that and if I was going to be billed less or make the time in another appt.

In Acceptance's original post, she was talking about what the therapist often does. Acceptance is the first appt. of the morning, but the therapist doesn't come out to get her on time, even though he's in his office. He then gives her a too-short session and never apologizes for starting late.

I'm getting annoyed just summarizing this. I should go to sleep.

Mine is usually 5 minutes late but I get the full time. I just use the few minutes to settle into the calm and quiet of the wait room after the hectic world out there. Or I just arrive on time and by the time I've walked in, he's ready to come and get me.
The only time I got really pissed off was when he asked me to come in half an hour early and he was 20 minutes late. I walked out.

I've seen people before me come out in tears. He usually stays in his office and then a couple of minutes later comes out to get me, bounding out, all smiles. So maybe they need that couple of minutes in between to close a file, open the next one, go to the toilet, or adjust their frame of mind ready to greet the next person with unconditional... I've forgotten the term... Positive regard.