[musinglizzy]

I had a session with my T today. I didn't think of it until just a little while ago.... I think I'm afraid of being judged. I know it's not their job to judge us, in fact, it's probably their job NOT to. But, they're human, just like the rest of us, and it comes with the territory. She was trying to get me to talk about memories today, and I was, or, I thought I was. I was answering her questions...elaborating if there was anything to elaborate on, but she got the impression I didn't want to talk about it. I told her I would talk about it, no problem. I guess I just didn't know what to say, you know? Feels like everything that needs to be told already has. I know she says we need to talk about it over and over again to make peace with it, but frankly, I'm getting bored talking about it. Not bothered, not emotional, but bored. I can talk about the trauma without getting emotional about it, it doesn't bother me. BUT...I guess at the same time, her words made me realize today perhaps I'm not talking about it as much as I THINK I am.

I do not take blame for these stories. I don't feel like it's my fault. I don't think I even, for most of them, feel embarrassed (yes, there are some embarrassing stories, but I've Emailed those to her instead of told her in session). Actually, talking about these memories is the easy part for me. Why? Because I didn't do anything wrong. I know that. So why do I care if I'm being judged somehow? I think that's the only way to put it.

I never felt judged by my T before. I do now because she raised some boundaries recently, and it's my thought that she had to have judged me, somewhat, to raise those boundaries. My sessions lately are rather boring, and I didn't think of it till she said it...maybe I'm not talking as much. But I feel like I am. I'll have to pay more attention to that.

[Soccer mom]

Are you separating yourself from the feelings of your trauma? Did you do that as a child? My T. has gotten onto me lately for minimizing my feelings saying things like "it's not a big deal now" or "why even talk about it".

[stopdog]

I believe they judge clients all the time. The best a client can hope for, in my opinion, is that they don't openly do it at the client but keep it to themselves.

[AllHeart]

I believe good T's do not judge. People go into this profession because they care about people and want to help them "get better." You can't successfully do that if you judge people. Just my opinion.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

She was trying to get me to talk about memories today, and I was, or, I thought I was. I was answering her questions...elaborating if there was anything to elaborate on, but she got the impression I didn't want to talk about it. I told her I would talk about it, no problem. I guess I just didn't know what to say, you know? Feels like everything that needs to be told already has. I know she says we need to talk about it over and over again to make peace with it, but frankly, I'm getting bored talking about it. Not bothered, not emotional, but bored. I can talk about the trauma without getting emotional about it, it doesn't bother me. BUT...I guess at the same time, her words made me realize today perhaps I'm not talking about it as much as I THINK I am.

I never felt judged by my T before. I do now because she raised some boundaries recently, and it's my thought that she had to have judged me, somewhat, to raise those boundaries. My sessions lately are rather boring, and I didn't think of it till she said it...maybe I'm not talking as much. But I feel like I am. I'll have to pay more attention to that.

I think its because you decided not to cry in front of her again. You felt judged, you made that decision - you are basically giving each other the silent treatment? Or going, "no, nothings wrong, everythings fine!"

[musinglizzy]

Thanks all. SM, I honestly feel like it's not a big deal now. Yeah, it made me who I am, in a way, but I think my life and my person now is more important to deal with than that one. I guess I honestly do get bored talking about it.

Hankster, I've not had a reason to cry (unless I'm bored to tears). I'm waiting for that. We haven't touched on things that would make me feel that way. As soon as she starts bringing up who I am and how I feel about myself now...I may be done for, and that vow not to cry will probably go right out the window.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by hankster

Love this emoji!

[Myrto]

I don't think therapists judge their patients all the time. But they do judge.
It's inevitable. They are definitely more likely to see things from your POV but the whole idea of them never judging us? It's nice on paper. But absolutely unrealistic as they are human.
As long as they keep it to themselves, it's fine I guess. But sometimes, one can tell.
Sorry if that's a bit pessimistic.

[musinglizzy]

No apology needed...I appreciate hearing it!

[ombrétwilight]

I can't help but think they judge us too, just not openly. I plan to become a psychologist in future and I know that try as I might, I still will judge my clients. It's only human nature, but what sets a good T apart is how he/she handles it i.e. not allowing the judging to affect how he/she treats the client.

In my own therapy I have withheld important information (still am) because I am afraid of judgment too. It's the shame of it that prevents me from sharing. I cringe at the thought of telling someone I regard so highly all my dirty secrets. Those words could never leave my mouth even if I tried.

T has actually said to me before "do you think I will judge you"?
I'm like, well , yeah, doesn't everyone??

She asked, "why would i"?
I wriggled but couldn't come up with a reply, which made me realise how toxic my life growing up had been, that, that was my conclusion.

Another time we were talking about jury service, and how we both wouldn't do it, each for different reasons.
T said how she'd find it very hard to sit in judgement of someone else.

She admitted she doesn't have any answers when I questioned her about what are we to do than with those who commit crimes, but said, sitting in judgement isn't an option for her.
I took that conversation away with me.
Finding it a complete new experience. Someone who really would struggle to judge.
I believe her, I had to sit with it quietly and felt the truth of it.
We sense these things.
But, talking about our fears around being judged are very helpful.

[Ellahmae]

"Never judging, always assessing."

I don't feel my T judges me although I do expect it and keep waiting for it. I believe her statement above.

[Coco3]

I've never felt judged by my T.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

"Never judging, always assessing."

I don't feel my T judges me although I do expect it and keep waiting for it. I believe her statement above.

Eeeek... play on words. I would feel that assessing IS judging.... I'm just too skeptical about everything....lol

[stopdog]

I would not find assessing better than judging either.

[msxyz]

Of course therapists judge, they're just people. In fact I asked my therapist about it one day telling him some therapists claim they don't judge and he scoffed at that idea telling me he didn't believe that, everybody judges.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by msxyz

Of course therapists judge, they're just people. In fact I asked my therapist about it one day telling him some therapists claim they don't judge and he scoffed at that idea telling me he didn't believe that, everybody judges.

AMEN! I don't think it's humanly possible NOT to judge. I'm not a judgmental person...yet I still catch myself! It happens. It's just hard to stomach when you're feeling under the microscope as it is...

[Ellahmae]

I think assessing where I am emotionally and how I am doing in general is different than judging my actions and who I am as a person.

How is she supposed to know what direction to go in with therapy and our session without first assessing where I am presently?

Originally Posted by msxyz

Of course therapists judge, they're just people. In fact I asked my therapist about it one day telling him some therapists claim they don't judge and he scoffed at that idea telling me he didn't believe that, everybody judges.

I think it depends on the size of someone's ego.
People may have thoughts, but the healthier person would look at why they are thinking something rather than attaching that thought to someone.

Scoffed? Sounds like my toxic upbringing.
No insight, no discussion. Just a b/w decision made.