[Myrto]

My therapist has a dog. Adorable dog. She loves her so much I get jealous (I know, lame).
I know this because I've seen her since my therapist practices from home.
Anyway, I've googled my therapist extensively (something she doesn't know or maybe suspects) and about 3 months ago, I've found a Facebook page as well as a blog dedicated to the future birth of puppies: my therapist has apparently established herself as a breeder and her dog is expecting puppies.

So the puppies are born now (it's been two weeks): 6 adorable, cute puppies. There's one left apparently that hasn't been reserved yet (I've been spending a lot of time on that FB page!).
I've always wanted a dog. I live in an apartment so may not be ideal but at the same time, it's like the perfect opportunity. He's so ridiculously cute, I love him already.

BUT: if I mention the puppies and her dog, she'll know I've googled her (like a lot) and I'm ashamed and afraid she'll judge me.
I'm worried about ethics: ethically, could she sell me her dog?
I'm also worried that she'll think I'm trying to maintain some sort of contact between us through this puppy. She is super invested in that breeding thing (judging from FB page and blog), she'll surely want to keep in touch with the people who bought her puppies.

And it's true: I want to buy that dog because I love dogs but also this one specifically, because it's hers.
Is it weird? What do you guys think about it? I don't know what to do.
I see her on Wednesday and I should really ask her before someone else reserves the dog.

If you like the breed and really want a dog, find a different breeder. Problem solved. Kind of sounds like this is really all about your therapist and not really about wanting a dog.

[Babymonster]

I suggest you do a lot of research before picking a breeder (as a mautter of fact start with breed - you live in an apartment, what breed would fit your lifestyle). Also, for all you know your therapist could just be a run of the mill backyard breeder. Good breeders abide by certain guidelines and do proper health testing etc etc. A purebred dog is expensive and you want to know who your money is going to. If she is selling a mixed breed litter I would personally adopt from a shelter instead.

Also, what if she says no? I had to go through a whole interview process to adopt my 2nd dog from a reputable breeder. Sounds like you may be jumping the gun. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it that way. Just passionate.

[unaluna]

Sounds like you could be venturing into dual relationship territory. Also sounds like wanting to have a baby with the therapist - but my t tells me i tend to put a freudian interpretation on just about anything! Its a gift - and a curse

I would not buy the dog from your T. Nor do I think your T should allow you to.

[musinglizzy]

I think it would not speak highly of her if she sold you one of her puppies. Being a T, she should see through some of your intentions for asking. I wouldn't even ask, just to be disappointed in her answer. It puts your T in a tough position, and also, if she would then know you were cyber stalking her so to speak (I'm using the term loosely), that should help her with her answer even more. I guess really think about it, and see if you want to take the risk in possibly setting yourself up for disappointment? You would be putting her in an uncomfortable position I'm sure.

you could just ask her innocently if you could buy one.
my therapists dog lives at my house ans i love him
i am babysitting him
i dont see anything wrong with getting one of her dogs

I can see a whole load of potential problems with buying a dog from your T.
From her perspective it is potentially dodgy ethically, but also it could end badly for you. This puppy would always be emotionally linked to your T. What if you have a huge rupture? Will you want to take care of the puppy if you are angry with T? What about if you leave therapy, will having this dog make it harder for you to move on? What if the puppy gets sick or has a hereditary illness? Do you want to end up in a dispute with your T if you are suddenly lumped with heavy vets bills?
It just sounds like a potential minefield that could disrupt therapy for you. If you are currently in an apartment, why don't you wait till its more practically viable then look for a puppy from an independent breeder without the emotional baggage.

[Soccer mom]

If you're asking us, then deep down you probably know it's not the greatest idea. But I completely understand why you would want to.

You could go down the road of telling her you're thinking about getting a dog and discuss breeds. You could show your mutual interest this way and see where the conversation goes. But, be prepared that it doesn't go the direction you would like.

[Seeking_Peace]

Originally Posted by Myrto

And it's true: I want to buy that dog because I love dogs but also this one specifically, because it's hers.
Is it weird? What do you guys think about it? I don't know what to do.

Its not weird b/c I (most people on this forum) understand you desire to have this connection with your T through the dog. However, the fact that you're asking us this question means there is a part of you that already knows that this is a BAD idea.

If you love dogs and want to get one, find another source. My personal recommendation is to adopt one from the shelter or if you want a pure breed, find another breeder. But forging a dual relationship with your T in this manner is a BAD idea. And as others have said, it would be unethical for your T to say "yes" to this.

[ragsnfeathers]

Also, what if your desire to own the dog is really only about your feelings for your therapist? Did you want a dog before or only since seeing your t's puppies? If it's the latter, it would be good to wait for awhile to make sure you really want a dog.

[WrkNPrgress]

No, sorry. You should not buy a puppy from a therapist. It would be unethical, IMO, for a T to sell any kind of side-business product to their clients. You should not be buying ANY product from your therapist other than the one you're paying her for —* help in processing your own problems and issues.

It seems, as others have said, that this dog is a way to acquire a different kind of relationship with your T. That IS understandable most anyone here would love to have some kind of outside relationship with out Ts, but you can find a dog elsewhere.

You might bring up the topic and see if she had input on getting a dog and why you would like one.
You might also be prepared to talk about why you Googled her so extensively, i.e., your understandable and very human need for more connection and be prepared to work through that.

[stopdog]

I don't think it is a big deal one way or the other if you get a dog from a therapist or not - as long as you know what having a dog entails, it is a breed your lifestyle is compatible with and you understand a pet is a life time commitment. So I would be less concerned about where you get the pet from than making sure you are really ready and wanting a pet and not just some thing from a therapist. I am more worried about the pet. Although responsible breeders will take their dogs back if something does not work out with the buyer (this does not include returning money) rather than have their dogs end up in shelters.

i can see a whole load of problems arising from it. number one, it crosses boundaries unfortunately.

i agree with the adopting a dog from a shelter vote. it's so much better and more sustainable to adopt a dog that has been abandoned rather than buy into the breeding business.

[stopdog]

Or try a pure breed rescue group if you know the breed you really like. I do not like certain breeds and their traits - so I have one adopted from a rescue group who does the type I want and I have one from a breeder. I have also been a foster home for the type I like. Also - I sent the breeder some pictures as the puppy grew up - but I got one as a pet not a show dog - the breeder, while polite and a nice guy, does not try to keep in touch with me about my (beloved) dog.
Being a foster dog care giver might give you a start and you can see if you really want a dog that way too. And research the breed or breeds you might be interested in - they are not all alike. For example, lot of people love terriers - I could not live with one at all. The same is true for me about labs and golden retrievers - great dogs for some one who is not me.

I think often the boundary thing gets a little over-played around here and I really don't think is that big of a deal.
But making sure you get the right pet that you will take care of for its whole life is super important - I think.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

If you like the breed and really want a dog, find a different breeder. Problem solved. Kind of sounds like this is really all about your therapist and not really about wanting a dog.

It is about both I'm afraid.

Originally Posted by Babymonster

I suggest you do a lot of research before picking a breeder (as a mautter of fact start with breed - you live in an apartment, what breed would fit your lifestyle). Also, for all you know your therapist could just be a run of the mill backyard breeder. Good breeders abide by certain guidelines and do proper health testing etc etc. A purebred dog is expensive and you want to know who your money is going to. If she is selling a mixed breed litter I would personally adopt from a shelter instead.

Also, what if she says no? I had to go through a whole interview process to adopt my 2nd dog from a reputable breeder. Sounds like you may be jumping the gun. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it that way. Just passionate.

Oh I've done a lot of research. I've wanted a dog for a long time but was moving quite a lot. Now that I've settled (sort of) I've been thinking about it again. I'm pretty sure my therapist has done everything well when it comes to breeding: I've read her blog extensively and she knows what she's doing.
But I understand your passionate stance

Originally Posted by hankster

Sounds like you could be venturing into dual relationship territory. Also sounds like wanting to have a baby with the therapist - but my t tells me i tend to put a freudian interpretation on just about anything! Its a gift - and a curse

You're right. It's almost like I want to have a baby with her lol.
Hadn't thought about it that way.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I would not buy the dog from your T. Nor do I think your T should allow you to.

Thanks for your opinion.

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I think it would not speak highly of her if she sold you one of her puppies. Being a T, she should see through some of your intentions for asking. I wouldn't even ask, just to be disappointed in her answer. It puts your T in a tough position, and also, if she would then know you were cyber stalking her so to speak (I'm using the term loosely), that should help her with her answer even more. I guess really think about it, and see if you want to take the risk in possibly setting yourself up for disappointment? You would be putting her in an uncomfortable position I'm sure.

Yeah, you're right. It would put her in a very difficult position.
Maybe that's what I want? Honestly I've been watching too many pictures of adorable puppies and that has probably impaired my judgement.

[divine1966]

Dog in apartment? I am not sure about that. Overall it is not a good idea. If you want a dog get one but not from your t

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[stopdog]

I have had dogs in apartments with no trouble at all - including a siberian husky mix. It takes some effort on the owner's part to walk a few times a day and training not to bark (if yours is prone to barking when left alone) - but other than than, not a problem at all. Any number of people successfully have dogs of all sorts in apartments.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have had dogs in apartments with no trouble at all - including a siberian husky mix. It takes some effort on the owner's part to walk a few times a day and training not to bark (if yours is prone to barking when left alone) - but other than than, not a problem at all. Any number of people successfully have dogs of all sorts in apartments.

Some people sure keep dogs in all kind of settings. That's why I said I am not sure. I wouldn't but others might. But overall getting a dog from t isn't a good idea in my opinion. If want a dog get from some other place. Sounds more like extra connection with t. Like way to get closer to t. Op herself said that. So my suggestion is no dog from t


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[Myrto]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I can see a whole load of potential problems with buying a dog from your T.
From her perspective it is potentially dodgy ethically, but also it could end badly for you. This puppy would always be emotionally linked to your T. What if you have a huge rupture? Will you want to take care of the puppy if you are angry with T? What about if you leave therapy, will having this dog make it harder for you to move on? What if the puppy gets sick or has a hereditary illness? Do you want to end up in a dispute with your T if you are suddenly lumped with heavy vets bills?
It just sounds like a potential minefield that could disrupt therapy for you. If you are currently in an apartment, why don't you wait till its more practically viable then look for a puppy from an independent breeder without the emotional baggage.

I doubt that I would somehow love that dog less if things ended badly with my therapist. I guess in a way I want something to retain from her?
And a puppy that she took care of in its first weeks seemed at like the perfect idea: I'd love him, he would cheer me up, love me and we would forever have that bond, my therapist and I.
But you're right, I hadn't thought about all the implications.

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

If you're asking us, then deep down you probably know it's not the greatest idea. But I completely understand why you would want to.

You could go down the road of telling her you're thinking about getting a dog and discuss breeds. You could show your mutual interest this way and see where the conversation goes. But, be prepared that it doesn't go the direction you would like.

Thanks. Yeah, I know it's a bad idea. But for a minute or so, it seemed like the perfect plan.
I will definitely talk to her about breeding as she seems very passionate about it. I'm just worried about the googling thing and the judgement.

Originally Posted by Seeking_Peace

Its not weird b/c I (most people on this forum) understand you desire to have this connection with your T through the dog. However, the fact that you're asking us this question means there is a part of you that already knows that this is a BAD idea.

If you love dogs and want to get one, find another source. My personal recommendation is to adopt one from the shelter or if you want a pure breed, find another breeder. But forging a dual relationship with your T in this manner is a BAD idea. And as others have said, it would be unethical for your T to say "yes" to this.

If it hadn't been for that one puppy left behind, the idea wouldn't have come to me. I was researching dogs already and then kept seeing pictures of her puppies and thought: "hang on, this is perfect, I'll just buy hers".
It is indeed a bad idea. And my T would probably say no to this, or at the most would be very embarassed.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

No, sorry. You should not buy a puppy from a therapist. It would be unethical, IMO, for a T to sell any kind of side-business product to their clients. You should not be buying ANY product from your therapist other than the one you're paying her for —* help in processing your own problems and issues.

It seems, as others have said, that this dog is a way to acquire a different kind of relationship with your T. That IS understandable most anyone here would love to have some kind of outside relationship with out Ts, but you can find a dog elsewhere.

You might bring up the topic and see if she had input on getting a dog and why you would like one.
You might also be prepared to talk about why you Googled her so extensively, i.e., your understandable and very human need for more connection and be prepared to work through that.

You're right. I probably should bring this (the dog, the googling) up with my T but it's hard.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Or try a pure breed rescue group if you know the breed you really like. I do not like certain breeds and their traits - so I have one adopted from a rescue group who does the type I want and I have one from a breeder. I have also been a foster home for the type I like. Also - I sent the breeder some pictures as the puppy grew up - but I got one as a pet not a show dog - the breeder, while polite and a nice guy, does not try to keep in touch with me about my (beloved) dog.
Being a foster dog care giver might give you a start and you can see if you really want a dog that way too. And research the breed or breeds you might be interested in - they are not all alike. For example, lot of people love terriers - I could not live with one at all. The same is true for me about labs and golden retrievers - great dogs for some one who is not me.

I think often the boundary thing gets a little over-played around here and I really don't think is that big of a deal.
But making sure you get the right pet that you will take care of for its whole life is super important - I think.

Thanks for the advice! I know what kind of breeds I like and it happens to be the one my therapist has. That's why it seemed like some sort of "sign" to me.