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#1
Apr 21, 2015, 07:56 PM
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And it is daunting. It's like poking a very recent scar. It's giving me surges of crazy, desperate hurt and illogical attachment. It's shame at being so f#cking stupid to have been sucked in in the first place. It's deep, deep shame at all the love I poured into her and all the love I lapped up, like a starving stray dog. It's worry that I expend energy into this, and that the board dismiss it out of hand - that they validate all her behaviours.
It's also a slight thing in my head that if the board do give her a caution, or whatever, that she will get REALLY angry and get revenge. The times now when she told me about squaring up to people in fights (casting them in the role of the bad guy) seem less amusing. I could kick myself. I have learned, I suppose, a valuable lesson - to listen carefully when other people reveal mad or aggressive stuff about themselves through anecdotes. Because they will turn on you next. Although, I reason that she won't actually attack me physically because that would probably be career suicide, right? Still, it is unsettling to think there is somebody out there who will want to smash a bottle in my face given half the chance. Argh. This is stressful, and I can feel my self esteem sinking into my boots. I have to write a whole, wretched report, with all the disgusting details, and there's so much of it. I look insane. She looks insane, but will probably wriggle round to come off looking fantastic, like Motherf#cking Theresa trying to deal with an entitled leper with BPD.
__________________
Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I I got a war in my mind ~ Lana Del Rey How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone ~ Coco Chanel One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman ~ Simone de Beauvoir |
 Anonymous200320, Anonymous50122, Gavinandnikki, growlycat, iheartjacques, junkDNA, LonesomeTonight, Middlemarcher, MoxieDoxie, PinkFlamingo99, rainbow8, ScarletPimpernel, ShaggyChic_1201, SoupDragon
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#2
Apr 21, 2015, 08:22 PM
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Not your fault!!!!!
Therapy is set up to create an attachment. For better or worse it is part of the process and I completely fit the stray dog analogy. I hope you get the closure and justice you deserve. |
| IndestructibleGirl
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 IndestructibleGirl
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#3
Apr 21, 2015, 08:45 PM
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Filing a complaint against my former therapist is one of the most painful parts of the whole mess. I certainly didn't want it to come to that. I hate it turned out the way it did.
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| Anonymous200320, IndestructibleGirl, PinkFlamingo99, precaryous
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| IndestructibleGirl, precaryous
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#4
Apr 21, 2015, 08:54 PM
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Love the stray dog analogy.............I do it too. Stay strong! I say that because it is not me. I would probaly just let myself be walked all over.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
| IndestructibleGirl
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| IndestructibleGirl
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#5
Apr 22, 2015, 07:38 AM
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You're so brave. I know I should do the same, but I don't have the strength. You're saving other victims.
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| IndestructibleGirl
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| IndestructibleGirl
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#6
Apr 22, 2015, 07:39 AM
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Thank you.
It is hard, but it would be harder and more damaging to not do it. If that makes sense. I just want it all over though. But it's going to be a long, boring, unpleasant process. I am so resentful I have to waste my time engaging with this, in order to do right by myself and others.
__________________
Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I I got a war in my mind ~ Lana Del Rey How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone ~ Coco Chanel One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman ~ Simone de Beauvoir |
| Anonymous100240, PinkFlamingo99
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| PinkFlamingo99
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#7
Apr 22, 2015, 07:45 AM
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Wishing you all the strength in the world. I wish that you did not have to do this, that you hadn't been through this thing with this terrible person, but thank you for doing it, because there are so many people who wouldn't be able to, and you are lending them your voice, too.
I think I understand what you mean by it being harder and more damaging not to do it. Please keep us posted. |
| IndestructibleGirl
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| IndestructibleGirl
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#8
Apr 22, 2015, 02:38 PM
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The mental health charity I spoke to for advice want me to consult a solicitor. They think possibly a legal case is the way forward which complicates things with the regulatory body. My head is fried. Did I mention how much I RESENT THIS WHOLE SHEBANG.
__________________
Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I I got a war in my mind ~ Lana Del Rey How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone ~ Coco Chanel One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman ~ Simone de Beauvoir |
| Anonymous100240, PinkFlamingo99
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#9
Apr 22, 2015, 02:48 PM
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I hear you! I hate doing any crap like this but that's his people get away with stuff: hoping no one has energy to complain. Hang in there
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#10
Apr 22, 2015, 02:57 PM
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Well done. You have an army on PC behind you
__________________
Soup |
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#11
Apr 22, 2015, 07:04 PM
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Things like this are always complicated because they involve people we cared for.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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