[Soccer mom]

I had a realization last night about my T. and attachment/relationship. I have maternal transference towards her and always miss her in between sessions. Sometimes the longing really bothers me - I don't want it to be painful.

In the movie, Home, a 13 year old girl gets separated from her mom. This "boov" creature asks her "you don't like being away from your mom, do you". Right then I realized this is how I feel about my T. And, I never felt that way about my own mother. After all, I would go to summer camp for 4-8 weeks at a time and not want to come home. It made me sad and I now wonder if I'll ever NOT view my T. in this way.

[rainbow8]

After 5 years with my T, I still think about her in between sessions and wish I could see her weekly like I used to. However, I don't always feel that painful longing because I have somewhat internalized her so that I feel she's with me all the time. It's like when I went away to college. I missed my Mom but I was grown up enough to have a satisfying experience without her.

It does take time, but I think your longing for your T will diminish. I'm not sure what is helping me the most with the separation, but knowing that T and I have a real relationship is up there on the list. She didn't have to agree to sign her emails "love." She told me she wouldn't do if she didn't mean it. Her accepting my feelings about her helps greatly too. It seems like the closer I feel to my T, and the more I feel she's close to me too, the easier it is to do without her. I feel attached and connected, and it's a secure attachment.

Do you feel like you have a secure attachment to your T? I think you do, and in that case, the painful longings will subside in time.

[Soccer mom]

no, actually I don't. I have fearful avoidant. I'm constantly wanting to push her away so she doesn't hurt me. And, I just realized I don't fully trust her. I can't pinpoint why except for one rupture last summer. I recently read that it's a decision to fully trust and not trusting someone can be a protective mechanism. I didn't think of it that way. But, when I think of fully trusting her, I get the same feeling as when I think about letting myself grieve my mom - I think it's fear. I've told her I want to completely trust her and not feel so insecure with our relationship. I'm just not there yet.

The longings are definitely not as painful as 6 months ago but they are there.....

Maybe the longing was there for your mom too, but you had long since repressed it, to protect yourself?

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

Maybe the longing was there for your mom too, but you had long since repressed it, to protect yourself?

Wow, I like it when others see something I may not. Maybe but I would have repressed it around age 7. I guess if it's here now, then it was there as a child....

[Soccer mom]

My T. said yesterday that I must have wanted this all from my mom at some point for it to come up. I told her about seeing a mom hugging her adult child and them smiling. I teared up thinking I didn't have that. And, then I thought I wouldn't have wanted that from my mom - it would have been too uncomfortable. She said there you go again saying something you missed out on and then telling yourself why you didn't want it.