[Yearning0723]

The T I saw today I just knew wasn't right for me; I just didn't feel right with her, and I really didn't like myself very much when I was talking to her. Also, she said she didn't have a lot of experience working with suicidal clients and wasn't sure she was comfortable with it, so she's out, obviously.

The T I saw yesterday was a bit more complicated...I really liked her; I felt we clicked; I enjoyed talking to her. But it didn't really feel like talking to a therapist...it felt more like talking to a friend. Like I started talking about my brother who has Aspergers and she got very excited about this because she used to be a teacher with special needs kids, and she wanted my opinion on what I think the difference is between kids with Aspergers and other kids, and whether I think the label helps them or hurts them. It felt like a very nice chat, and she was very impressed with me, and she told me she liked me a lot already, but I just felt like I would have a hard time being vulnerable with her, and like maybe she wasn't directive enough in terms of the real issues.

And I asked her what sorts of things she wouldn't be comfortable working with and what her limitations are and she said she's comfortable with everything, which just seemed like a really uninformed answer - if you've never worked with a BPD client before, for example, or a schizophrenic client, or a severely autistic client, you're probably not going to be comfortable (or competent) dealing with them. And a lot of therapists have trouble with suicidality, self-harm, etc...so it just didn't feel right to me.

Also, she seemed super eager for me to book a session right away with her...I guess she didn't expect I was doing other consults? She asked me if I wanted to book a session for tomorrow, and I said I had to talk to my dad since he's paying for it, but I felt really bad about not booking the session right away...like guilty. Like I'm hurting her by not booking the session. I think that's a bad sign. I've been on lots of consults in the past and I've never felt that way before.

Also, neither of these therapists asked me any questions during the consults; they just told me a few basic things about the type of therapy they practice, confidentiality, and fees, and then asked me if I had any questions for them...is that normal? In the past when I've gone on consults, the therapists usually asked me some questions, even just basic "why are you here?" or "what do you hope to get out of therapy?" It just felt odd for me to be the one asking all the questions...

Am I just being too picky? I feel really bad about not wanting to book with the first T, because I really, really liked her, but it just didn't feel right. It felt like the relationship I have with current T, but with even less vulnerability, and that isn't what I need right now. I have one more consult booked for next week, and I emailed two more Ts about potential consults, but I'm feeling really discouraged...

(Also, just for the record, I had a very good feeling about my current T and my previous T during the consult, so it is possible for me to have a good feeling at a consult...)

[Tangerine87]

You could maybe try a psychologist versus a social worker.

[Yearning0723]

Originally Posted by Tangerine87

You could maybe try a psychologist versus a social worker.

Can't afford a psychologist and insurance won't cover it, even under my extended plan. And they're not going to do a sliding scale (or they're going to feel pretty cheated) when they find out my father has a whole bunch of money and is just choosing not to give that money to me for therapy. Imagine you're a psychologist and you have a client who's paying half your normal rate but wears Burberry coats and talks about going swimming in the indoor pool at her father's house. Not a very fair situation to put the psychologist in; they would feel taken advantage of, I think.

[LonesomeTonight]

I get what you mean about the second T. Is she fairly new to the job? She sounds kind of overeager and inexperienced. I'd try a third, assuming there's another option available to you.

[Yearning0723]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I get what you mean about the second T. Is she fairly new to the job? She sounds kind of overeager and inexperienced. I'd try a third, assuming there's another option available to you.

Actually I would have thought the same thing, except that I only contacted Ts with at least ten years of experience this time. This one I think had twelve years, and so did the one yesterday, and the ones I'm seeing next week have fifteen years and eighteen years. She did sound really eager though, and I liked her, but I think maybe working with her isn't the best thing for me, but I feel so damn guilty about it! Ugh. But I guess that means that she isn't the one for me, since if I'm feeling guilty during the consult, it will probably get worse if I actually started seeing her.

I have two consults for next week, one in person and one over the phone...I hate phone consults, because you can't tell fit nearly as well, but those are all the T offers, and she's really experienced and looks great on paper, so I'll take it. I emailed the second T to say just thanks for her time and I appreciated it, but I have another consult booked for next week and I'll email her after if I want to book a session.

All of this makes me miss my current T so much, even though I just saw her two days ago and I'm seeing her again on Saturday...I really just want to send her an email and tell her how much I appreciate her (and miss her) just because seeing these new therapists make me realize how lucky I am to have her...and how great she is...and how attached I am to her...ugh...

[Yearning0723]

I just emailed current T to tell her how much I appreciate her and how scared I am of not seeing her anymore. Probably not the brightest idea at 1:00 in the morning, but for some reason these consults have made me miss her so damn much. And I'm seeing her on Saturday.