pennies, nickels, dimes, hundreds....

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It's not that I want to be more, I understand the dynamics of the "relationship," but at the same time, when T's focus is about seeing me as a paycheck, I'd rather pay my money to charity, like a soup kitchen, where I see results. Or if T talks about Tself too much and I pay for that... or ....

I know why I feel like "just a paycheck" but T's behaviors increase that feeling. Sort of like putting salt in wound ....

I have usually found that, at least with them talking about themselves, it works to tell them to stop.

The infant learns who he is and how he feels from his mothers gaze. If that was not a part of his development, then he is still seeking it when he comes to therapy. Per my experience, this can be resolved there. I used to feel this way, big time; wanted to be teacher's pet so many times; wanted attention from other specific people. Now, not so much, i think. Its just people.

I don't have the guts too.... wish I did. I just nod.

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Some of this, yes.
But, I'm not sure it's about wanting to feel special. I want to feel like a person and not just s business transaction.
I wish I could articulate what I am trying to say about how I feel.... but I'm not doing a good job,.

I think maybe to do a decent job a professional have to have some amount if care? Maybe? I need my t to be a professional I frankly don't care about other stuff but others do want to be loved by a t? Just different expectations

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why do you feel you need to be important for a therapist? We all want to be important to our loved ones but to what degree you want to be important to your t?

Talking about themselves I agree is annoying

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I want to matter to someone. Not necessarily be important, but matter.
Not everyone has family.
I figure if I am going to entrust my life story with someone, I should at least matter -- and not because I pay out of pocket the full fee and T makes alot of money from me.

What exactly makes you feel like you don't matter to your T? I've never had that experience, so I'm trying to understand. It sounds like you are looking for a certain action/response from him, but unless I've missed it, you haven't really defined that.

Does your t make u feel like u don't matter? I'd switch a therapist if that's important for you

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aHA!!! I think... I just understood something. Awhile ago my t stated emphatically that she would not be surprised if my mother had not breast-fed me. That whole thing with "the infant learns who he is and how he feels from his mothers gaze" really struck something deep inside me. I remember many years ago when I was nursing my son, looking at him with all of the overwhelming love and wonder and awe a new mommy feels.... and I wonder too... it makes SO much sense to me a lot of the work I did in therapy. It really does. I just don't have the nerve to ask my mother...!!!

LOL...I don't either. I'm guessing that's a negative. LOL

Does your T say things that make you feel like she doesn't care or you don't matter? I think if she does do this then you may bring up how you feel or even look for a new therapist.

I feel really, really cared about. I obviously am a part of his "paycheck" but it seems like he loves his job a lot. So, no, I don't feel like I am "just a paycheck." I feel like I am a part of my therapist working in a field he's passionate about.

I have never felt like just a paycheck. I have sometimes felt that a T did it to enjoy watching my pain.

I am part of my Ts weekly paycheck and sometimes I resent that. Very expensive. But I'm more than a paycheck; she cares.

I can't find the blog now but a chiropractor wrote there how his job was to relieve pain and to take responsibility for healing patients. A payment was a way to even out the transaction.

It was better stated than that, but it made sense. Ts take on a lot and while there must be some burn-outs in the profession, most are working for pay and personal gratification at helping.

I could lock eyes with my dad like that, but never my mother. She would take it as a challenge or something. I could always get away with lying to her because she would say, "look me in the eye!" But thats the only time she ever looked me in the eye. When i told the truth, i would be flustered and humiliated and hurt that she presumed i was lying, and i couldnt look at her - so she saw that as proof that i was lying. She got it exactly wrong, both ways. Dont mothers know their kids??.

My T never made me feel like a paycheck. He wanted to help me and I felt "therapy loved" by him. I don't mind paying for that. You pay for so many things in life.

I think of it more like paying rent for the space than being the woman's paycheck. I don't think she really does anything much. Paying her keeps her back and from thinking she has a stake in my life.

I make art because I love to. I spend a lot of time and effort on every piece. Sometimes I manage to sell them, usually not for very much—a couple hundred dollars max—but the money is important anyway. It shows that my work, the care I take, is recognized as having real value.

I feel like the therapist's pay is the same. They're trained professionals and their work is valuable, in part because they do care about it.

Do I feel like my therapist cares about me, individually—yes. In a professional kinda way.

i do not feel like just a paycheck to my T. and i know im not just that to him.

emptyspace, I saw this thread and it made me think about this issue again, despite having already answer on the first page. For some reason today it's making me think of my parents, my mom and dad. I had always wondered what I meant to them. I used to think I was special, like maybe there was something very special about me. It had devastated me when my therapist had said there is no particular reason people have kids, some just do cause it's what everybody does. I started to think if I had died, they could have just made another baby.

I have a relative who works in a farm. When I asked his son about this, he said that he thinks they wanted children, and specifically boys, so they could work on the farm. It was merely that and nothing more. He didn't seem to mind it either. That's how life is, he said. I wondered if he would be fine being a paycheck to a therapist. But he didn't need therapy, he is always been cheerful and happy.

I wish I was more macho or whatever, like he was. Than sitting here writing poems about not feeling I matter.

I'm not saying people's views about being a paycheck is necessarily related to their parents. It's a legitimate question on its own, like when you receive compliments or hear good things to wonder how genuine they are and if there's a hidden agenda or something.

But I think it might be interesting to examine you relations with your parents if you think there might be something there. The kind of love and attention I have wanted from my therapist has sometimes resembled the love a mother "should" provide for the child in early stages of life, this kind of sacrificial and complete focus on the growing baby that is so dependent on the mother. Or in other ways, you see that in people who fall in love, like truly in love, almost the stuff of romantic novels, this idealized union of souls. Where every breath reminds you of the lover, where you would walk over broken glass to be with him or her, even if for just a moment.

Therapy is nothing like either of those experiences and for good reasons. But...anyhow, I could go on, but I'm gonna stop right here.

If there was one thing I'm sure of is that my therapist doesn't do what she's doing for the money.
She's actually said that if she felt she was wasting a patient's time and money, she'd tell them. She has told me: when we were arguing a lot, she'd ask whether I wanted to quit or not.
So no I'm not a paycheck.

Something people haven't mentioned (I think) so far: for me paying is empowering.
If I didn't pay her, I'd feel like I owed her or something, I'd be afraid of her resentment, I'd feel guilty after a difficult session.
Paying her means there is a balance: you listen to me and in exchange I'm giving you money.
None of this excludes the fact that she cares.