Jealous of T

May 30, 2015 at 11:30 AM

I am jealous of my T. She is well dressed and smart and affluent, whereas I am none of those things. I also compare her to other people that I see. She just seems to be better than everyone. Maybe she runs in social circles where everybody is fabulous, but the people I see have flaws and problems and they also seem inferior to T, just as I am.

May 30, 2015 at 11:33 AM

I wonder what T's life is like. What does she do in her spare time and how does she speak to other people, such as her family? I try to imagine her getting angry and swearing, but maybe she is just as she appears to me, a reasonably nice person with a decent temperament?

SoupDragon · May 30, 2015 at 11:39 AM

Her job is to look smart, hide her flaws and focus on you in your sessions. I'm sure when she is not working she has more relaxed clothes and general life ups and downs. I'm sure she's even capable of getting angry sometimes.

We see our T's for a brief snippet in time, it does not reflect how they are for the rest of the week.

Creative ToFu · May 30, 2015 at 11:57 AM

You are seeing her at her best, and probably seeing you mostly at your worst, so try to remember that.

I know several T's personally, and they can pull off a great professional look when they are at work, but you should see them on the weekend. lol You should see them after they fight with their spouse or after their kid gets arrested, or their basement floods, they don't always follow their own professional advice they may tell you that makes them seem so smart and know better. They ALL have issues of their own that they struggle with. It is much easier to help someone from being on the outside looking in, but our own issues, isn't that easy. That is why they say we can't be own therapist or why they are not allowed to treat family and friends professionally.

T's can be smart, affluent, and well dressed, but so can you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I am jealous of my T. She is well dressed and smart and affluent, whereas I am none of those things. I also compare her to other people that I see. She just seems to be better than everyone. Maybe she runs in social circles where everybody is fabulous, but the people I see have flaws and problems and they also seem inferior to T, just as I am.

divine1966 · May 30, 2015 at 12:47 PM

Just because she is well dressed and looks good or what not it doesn't mean she doesn't have her own issues or problems or she is better than you or than others. I never knew being well dressed or being affluent and smart is any kind of extravagant accomplishment. Being well put together with seemingly nice life on a surface doesn't mean one might not be screwed up big time, including yours truly

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divine1966 · May 30, 2015 at 12:50 PM

Therapists I know in real life are very screwed up. They appear well put together. Most professionals appear ok, it is part of the job, it doesn't mean anything

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stopdog · May 30, 2015 at 12:58 PM

The ones I know in real life are not leading charmed lives. They are just as screwed up as everyone else - hate their in-laws, kids with drug problems/school issues, bad relationships with ex- husbands, wives and partners, hate their parents etc.

Creative ToFu · May 30, 2015 at 01:31 PM

A formal T of mine said that the people who appear most put together with no problems are the ones who are the most F'd up.

JaneTennison1 · May 30, 2015 at 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Creative ToFu

A formal T of mine said that the people who appear most put together with no problems are the ones who are the most F'd up.

I believe it. Whenever I know I have a rough appointment coming up I always take time to put myself together well.

Creative ToFu · May 30, 2015 at 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

I believe it. Whenever I know I have a rough appointment coming up I always take time to put myself together well.

nottrustin · May 30, 2015 at 01:55 PM

I know quite a bit about my T plus other T's that I work with at work. T has never had a relationship more than a few years (she's in her 60s) has a horrible relationship with her own mother. Part of her has distanced herself from her mom but still has a little hope they could work it out. She dresses very professionally but I have also seen her when she is not working and she is so not into fashion and dressing up.

My coworker T's have horrible relationships in their family including their children...one has/had an eating disorder.on has been married 4 times.

T's are just like a lot of people who work in a professional setting...they look the part

Chummy · May 30, 2015 at 01:59 PM

I'm also so jealous on my T. She is only a few years older than me. She is beautiful, slim, smart, funny, kind, welspoken... She has a boyfriend and a beautiful 1-year old daughter. A good job. She has a sister.
Sure, she will probably have no perfect life, but is so much better than mine. She's like the oppostite of me. Sometimes when I think of her and how she is, it hurts me, because I would like to be more like her.

May 30, 2015 at 02:01 PM

I suspect T's pretty much follow the general population on the level of struggle in their own lives. I don't see that they would be particularly more or less prone to real life issues than any other group.

Two of my T's truly were very stable individuals with strong abilities to cope with life struggles. I can remember my first T admitting he almost never had problems with depression until he had to deal with the illness and death of his own son. My current T has had more difficulty in his relationships, etc. I suspect he's probably a pain in the rear to have to deal with on a personal level, but he's awesome in the therapy room.

ruh roh · May 30, 2015 at 02:35 PM

Mine is a superstar in the therapy room, but I would not hold her to that standard in real life. In one of my early sessions, I told her that I've heard therapists are really messed up, and that's fine with me as long as she's not messed up during my sessions. She took it well and didn't disagree.

They are amazingly normal and dysfunctional to varying degrees (some more than others). The good ones know it. The bad ones blame it on the client.

stopdog · May 30, 2015 at 02:37 PM

Plus, as messed up as the therapists I know are, the people I know who are children of therapists are even worse. Talk about some bizarre growing up stories.

Myrto · May 30, 2015 at 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Creative ToFu

A formal T of mine said that the people who appear most put together with no problems are the ones who are the most F'd up.

So true. When you feel like you don't control much in your life, you may want to at least control the way you present yourself to others: a perfect, ideal version of yourself. Not that I speak from experience or anything

On the other hand, the only therapist (psychologist) I know in real life is truly a great person. She's the mother of a friend of mine and she is genuinely well-adjusted, has a great marriage, is kind and caring, calm.
So you know sometimes their lives are not entirely ****

JustShakey · May 30, 2015 at 05:04 PM

That's one of the things I really like about my T - he doesn't try to pretend he's not a regular guy with the same kinds of problems other people have.
Previous T, as far as I could tell, liked to project an image of someone who has it all together. That failed miserably, probably because I have/had the very same problem...

Creative ToFu · May 30, 2015 at 05:13 PM

This is all making me wonder why we are going to therapy to begin with. Maybe we should all buy gerbils.

Only joking here....

JustShakey · May 30, 2015 at 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myrto

So true. When you feel like you don't control much in your life, you may want to at least control the way you present yourself to others: a perfect, ideal version of yourself. Not that I speak from experience or anything

D

Well, I reply from experience

I was darn good at it too... Not that it did me much good

lightcatcher · May 30, 2015 at 05:29 PM

To remind yourself that people are just as messed up or normal as us - think to yourself.. They poop too..

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Anonymous33211 Guest Posts: n/a	May 30, 2015 at 11:30 AM #1 I am jealous of my T. She is well dressed and smart and affluent, whereas I am none of those things. I also compare her to other people that I see. She just seems to be better than everyone. Maybe she runs in social circles where everybody is fabulous, but the people I see have flaws and problems and they also seem inferior to T, just as I am.
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Anonymous33211 Guest Posts: n/a	May 30, 2015 at 11:33 AM #2 I wonder what T's life is like. What does she do in her spare time and how does she speak to other people, such as her family? I try to imagine her getting angry and swearing, but maybe she is just as she appears to me, a reasonably nice person with a decent temperament?
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SoupDragon Elder Member Since Oct 2010 Location: in a cave Posts: 6,977 14 1,099 hugs given	May 30, 2015 at 11:39 AM #3 Her job is to look smart, hide her flaws and focus on you in your sessions. I'm sure when she is not working she has more relaxed clothes and general life ups and downs. I'm sure she's even capable of getting angry sometimes. We see our T's for a brief snippet in time, it does not reflect how they are for the rest of the week. __________________ Soup
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,883 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,295 hugs given	May 30, 2015 at 12:50 PM #6 Therapists I know in real life are very screwed up. They appear well put together. Most professionals appear ok, it is part of the job, it doesn't mean anything Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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lightcatcher Member Member Since Sep 2013 Location: Super south Posts: 306 11 207 hugs given	May 30, 2015 at 05:29 PM #20 To remind yourself that people are just as messed up or normal as us - think to yourself.. They poop too..
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