Jealous of T

I am jealous of my T. She is well dressed and smart and affluent, whereas I am none of those things. I also compare her to other people that I see. She just seems to be better than everyone. Maybe she runs in social circles where everybody is fabulous, but the people I see have flaws and problems and they also seem inferior to T, just as I am.

I wonder what T's life is like. What does she do in her spare time and how does she speak to other people, such as her family? I try to imagine her getting angry and swearing, but maybe she is just as she appears to me, a reasonably nice person with a decent temperament?

Her job is to look smart, hide her flaws and focus on you in your sessions. I'm sure when she is not working she has more relaxed clothes and general life ups and downs. I'm sure she's even capable of getting angry sometimes.

We see our T's for a brief snippet in time, it does not reflect how they are for the rest of the week.

You are seeing her at her best, and probably seeing you mostly at your worst, so try to remember that.

I know several T's personally, and they can pull off a great professional look when they are at work, but you should see them on the weekend. lol You should see them after they fight with their spouse or after their kid gets arrested, or their basement floods, they don't always follow their own professional advice they may tell you that makes them seem so smart and know better. They ALL have issues of their own that they struggle with. It is much easier to help someone from being on the outside looking in, but our own issues, isn't that easy. That is why they say we can't be own therapist or why they are not allowed to treat family and friends professionally.

T's can be smart, affluent, and well dressed, but so can you!

Just because she is well dressed and looks good or what not it doesn't mean she doesn't have her own issues or problems or she is better than you or than others. I never knew being well dressed or being affluent and smart is any kind of extravagant accomplishment. Being well put together with seemingly nice life on a surface doesn't mean one might not be screwed up big time, including yours truly

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Therapists I know in real life are very screwed up. They appear well put together. Most professionals appear ok, it is part of the job, it doesn't mean anything

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The ones I know in real life are not leading charmed lives. They are just as screwed up as everyone else - hate their in-laws, kids with drug problems/school issues, bad relationships with ex- husbands, wives and partners, hate their parents etc.

A formal T of mine said that the people who appear most put together with no problems are the ones who are the most F'd up.

I believe it. Whenever I know I have a rough appointment coming up I always take time to put myself together well.

I know quite a bit about my T plus other T's that I work with at work. T has never had a relationship more than a few years (she's in her 60s) has a horrible relationship with her own mother. Part of her has distanced herself from her mom but still has a little hope they could work it out. She dresses very professionally but I have also seen her when she is not working and she is so not into fashion and dressing up.

My coworker T's have horrible relationships in their family including their children...one has/had an eating disorder.on has been married 4 times.

T's are just like a lot of people who work in a professional setting...they look the part

I'm also so jealous on my T. She is only a few years older than me. She is beautiful, slim, smart, funny, kind, welspoken... She has a boyfriend and a beautiful 1-year old daughter. A good job. She has a sister.
Sure, she will probably have no perfect life, but is so much better than mine. She's like the oppostite of me. Sometimes when I think of her and how she is, it hurts me, because I would like to be more like her.

I suspect T's pretty much follow the general population on the level of struggle in their own lives. I don't see that they would be particularly more or less prone to real life issues than any other group.

Two of my T's truly were very stable individuals with strong abilities to cope with life struggles. I can remember my first T admitting he almost never had problems with depression until he had to deal with the illness and death of his own son. My current T has had more difficulty in his relationships, etc. I suspect he's probably a pain in the rear to have to deal with on a personal level, but he's awesome in the therapy room.

Mine is a superstar in the therapy room, but I would not hold her to that standard in real life. In one of my early sessions, I told her that I've heard therapists are really messed up, and that's fine with me as long as she's not messed up during my sessions. She took it well and didn't disagree. They are amazingly normal and dysfunctional to varying degrees (some more than others). The good ones know it. The bad ones blame it on the client.

Plus, as messed up as the therapists I know are, the people I know who are children of therapists are even worse. Talk about some bizarre growing up stories.

So true. When you feel like you don't control much in your life, you may want to at least control the way you present yourself to others: a perfect, ideal version of yourself. Not that I speak from experience or anything

On the other hand, the only therapist (psychologist) I know in real life is truly a great person. She's the mother of a friend of mine and she is genuinely well-adjusted, has a great marriage, is kind and caring, calm.
So you know sometimes their lives are not entirely ****

That's one of the things I really like about my T - he doesn't try to pretend he's not a regular guy with the same kinds of problems other people have.
Previous T, as far as I could tell, liked to project an image of someone who has it all together. That failed miserably, probably because I have/had the very same problem...

This is all making me wonder why we are going to therapy to begin with. Maybe we should all buy gerbils.

Only joking here....

Well, I reply from experience
I was darn good at it too... Not that it did me much good

To remind yourself that people are just as messed up or normal as us - think to yourself.. They poop too..

They poop?!!! oh my! Now that's a thought.

[quote=Myrto;4473363]So true. When you feel like you don't control much in your life, you may want to at least control the way you present yourself to others: a perfect, ideal version of yourself. Not that I speak from experience or anything

T and I have discussed this at great length. I find myself comparing myself to other people. I fear that everybody around me knows that I am messed up or depressed when I am. I also feel like I am an awful mother some days. She reminds me many of the people I compare myself to also have problems. Also she talks about how I am a pro at hiding the inner turmoil I deal with.

I often feel that's the only areas of my life I have control over is my home and my looks. Hence no matter emotional turmoil my place looks always staged and I always look good. In fact more I am struggling inside better things look on outside. That is the way i operate.

Nobody around me would not ever know what i am feeling inside or that something isn't perfect (unless I tell them directly or if they are very close to me). Even when I went to see my t after a break up totally hysterical I still looked put together on outside. It is a mask and my whole family is this way

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I can't imagine her having any problems apart from just some bad luck. She is very accomplished and cool.

She is middle aged and has young children. What kind of problems do you think she might have?

Thank you.

Despite what she looks like, she could be insecure, have body image issues, mistrust her spouse, be in debt, have problems with her parents/siblings/friends, be demanding of her children to be perfect...

The outside is entirely different than the inside. Most people who meet me think I've got a lot more going for me than I do. I'm a fustercluck, but it doesn't show. Not a hint.

My therapist looks 100% put together and successful, but she still has a therapist (doesn't tell me why). What matters is how she works with clients.