[sidony]

So I was in group last night, and our therapist asked why it was I never made eye contact with one person in the room, that I looked at everyone except her. Of course I hadn't noticed I was doing that, but then I finally figured out that I was intentionally avoiding locking eyes with her because she had seemed so shy and uncomfortable and on the edge of tears. If I were feeling like that, I wouldn't want any attention placed on me. So I didn't look at her. But later on that evening, she said she often felt invisible. So then I asked her if I was contributing to that feeling by not looking at her. She said no. But then our therapist stopped us. He said he really liked the question I had asked but that he liked it much better as a rhetorical question. His point being that I shouldn't try to figure out how to take care of other people's feelings since I might not be able to figure them out anyway. That I should instead be myself and trust that other people will take care of themselves.

That was a really powerful insight to me. I'm still thinking about it.

Of course I have no clue how to act around a shy or unhappy person without trying to make them feel more comfortable. I guess I don't know who I am independently of trying to figure out how another person wants me to be. And I don't think empathy is a bad thing, but I think his point is that I'm too concerned with how other people feel.

I might be starting to like group therapy. Or at least I'm on the like end of a like/hate swinging pendulum....

Any thoughts?
Sidony

[SecretGarden]

Good for you Sidony. Glimmers of hope... in group. This is so nice and I am pleased for you.

[jacq10]

I've never done any group therapy, but this sounds like it might be really good for you. i'm glad that you are starting to like it better, and i hope that it continues to go well for you.
Jacq