Has your therapist ever told you what to do?

Ok this is kind of a dumb question.

Hypothetically, as I understand it, a Therapist won't tell a client what to do about their problems. They're not 'fixers'. I get that. Their job is to let the client find the courage, self-esteem, agency, to make their own decisions. I can see why this is necessary. But...

I'm in a bad state about one particular issue and it's getting worse. The last few sessions I really do get the vibe that my Therapist knows the right thing to do but is holding her tongue because ... she doesn't want to make that decision for me. Recently, during one very intense session, she almost said something but just paused, looked away and shook her head and said, "Yeah... I'll just leave it at that..." I said, "yeah, I know..." but that was it.

Have you ever asked a Therapist directly, "Okay I'm at a state of loss, I can't quite bring myself to make the jump... what do you think I should do? Do you have an opinion?" I would love to hear my T just say "Yes, I think you should do this... it's the right thing to do..." and know it's her actual opinion, not just a validation of my own feelings.

I'm asking myself, why do I need "T" to tell me what to do? This is MY life. Why not tell Family or Friend X , Y, Z ... etc. and get the same advice? Of course she can't offer an entirely objective opinion because she only hears what I tell her. Any opinion she does have will be based on the data I bring into session, so it's skewed how I would want it anyway...

I guess I just want someone to give me encouragement from their own POV.

I think the last statement speaks volumes and I completely connect to it. I'm constantly secretly looking for others encouragement and opinions mostly in an unhealthy way, but I do think wanting/needing encouraging reassurance is completely human nature.
I think you should ask your T and explain why by saying exactly what you just wrote. Even if she doesn't give you the actual advice just talking about the need for her advice and why it's important to you could be extremely beneficial and rewarding to you.

The first one I see wants to tell me what she thinks all the time and that did include what she thought I should do. I made her stop - it was awful. First, I did not care what she thought I should or should not do and second her take on stuff is so off base as to be worse than useless - some of it could be dangerous.

I have and mine has. It proved very helpful.

A couple of times she has said something like I would like you to consider X. A while back when I was recovering from a pretty dark place I mentioned how when my moods are really down I don't realize it and make bad choices. I sort of asked why she doesn't point it out. Her response was that when I am in that place she doesn't feel I would hear her recommendations. Last week we started talking about how I think it would be beneficial if she did push me a bit during those times...so we will be discussing it more soon.

My new one does, but stuff like helping me plan out what I eat so I don't get sick again and helping me come up with cleaning goals for the week. I'm not at the point right now where I have big life decisions. It's more self-care stuff. Not the most functional human at the moment. It's actually really helpful because my self-care situation was terrible.

I think it really depends upon the therapist's theoretical orientation and personality as to whether they're more participatory or not. My own therapist will lend guidance in certain circumstances, she trusts me and her clients in general, to weed through it and not take it as a command from on high. She does have a marriage and family therapist background where many of her clients have come for help, partly just to communicate, but also for practical guidance/structure.

For example, I've been chronically overbooked, stressed and sleep-deprived. So when I talk about that, she doesn't hesitate to say "I think you should cancel" an appointment or obligation. She wants me to prioritize self-care.

I've found that guidance very helpful, both to have a little perspective that no, the universe likely won't end if I don't pull an all nighter for homework, while on the other hand, there are times she gives me advice, like to skip a school function, where I disagree and attend anyhow, because I'm prioritizing my kiddo over sleep, weighing whose needs matter most at the moment and which is the lesser trade off.

Now, in terms of more serious, higher impact decisions, only once that I recall has she really steered me in a direction, and that caused a wonderful moment of clarity for me. She began to believe that my daughter would need evaluation for a condition, and that I would likely 'need' to get her on medications. I trust my therapist a lot, so I went along for a while considering that path, until my natural instincts and beliefs reasserted themselves strongly. I put my foot down, and while she continued to believe her idea was best, she backed right off and supported me in my decision, because she understands something very very important: she's there to support me.

All in all, I very much appreciate hearing her opinion at times, and I remember that it is just that. One opinion, often a good one, but only one more thing to consider, not a substitute for my own judgement, and within that framework, I typically feel very content with our work.

I have come out and asked my current t for his opinion. I felt like previous ts hedged their opinions, which would drive me crazy, because my parents would hedge theirs, but mostly because they just didnt want to engage with me, they just wanted to get whatever conversation or decision over with already. So i pretty much had to start from scratch to learn how to have a decent advice-giving situation with a normal human being.

Yes, I have a few times and my T then gave me his opinion. That worked very well.

The only time my T said what I should do is when I suggested I might volunteer to help elderly people do their chores, shopping, etc. She said I shouldn't do that at this time in therapy...maybe something to do with my repressed angers...not sure.

Yes. Once. My mother passed away. She was mentally ill and abusive and we had literally no connection. She did horrendous things to me. I couldn't decide whether to go to the funeral. My T kept saying "do what feels right to you" etc. Finally i.got upset and yelled " if i.knew how to deal with my psycho mother I wouldn't be I therapy! I am asking what you think I should do because. I trust you are on my side"
She flat out told me not to go.

My T will only suggest what to do if I ask her, "well, what would you do?" She will always respond with, "IF it were me, I would..."

She's told me many times what I shouldn't be doing

She has never told me what to do in terms of life decisions but she has in terms of keeping myself healthy.

Sure, we've had many conversations about what courses of action I might should or should not take -- some solicited by me; some not. Either way, I take his ideas under advisement and ultimately make the decisions for myself. I certainly don't always follow his opinion, but often he is spot on about what I probably need to do.

My new T has already. I asked her if she thinks I should write ex-T or not. She wouldn't give an answer until we discussed it, but in the end she thought it would be beneficial to send a letter.

All you're wanting is advice. It doesn't mean you have to take that advice or not. My ex-T constantly suggested crisis house or hospitalization, but I never listened to her. I didn't agree with her. I always wound up okay But it doesn't hurt to get advice. We get a lot of it on here.

Various T's have suggested their preferences for things, but rarely have they told me what to do. Only when I am in a really unsafe space have any told me what to do, and that was only after I told them that I needed direction because I doubted I could make the decision on my own.
T actually asked me last week if I would comply with what any professional told me to do. I told her it would help if I trusted the person in power, but I would do (and have done) whatever if I thought I had no choice (the only exception was when a pdoc tried to force me into ect)... goes back to abuse issues though, so I'm sure T would not use that power unless it was necessary. :/

Sometimes, yes. Once I was applying for work and I asked if I should take a particular job and he blatantly said yes. I needed the direction and didn't second guess the choice to take the job after. It was a good choice for me.

Secondly, sometimes he will suggest things by gently prodding.

This is exactly the kind of decision i have had a difficult time with. When would our feelings ever have been a consideration in mother's world? It was about trying to guess what she wanted, based on what we knew of the rational world. Things are easier now.

My therapist helps me options that I've never considered. For example, I tend to be a caretaker and he will point out those behaviors and suggest that I allow others to manage their lives or that I have the right to say "no" when demands are placed upon me. He also often gives me parenting advice.

Ex T has once used words like "I strongly encourage you to / not to..." in a situation with a person who was grooming me. He was a trusted person who was blurring quasi-professional boundaries.

She said it after I asked her what I should do because I have no healthy models for relationships.

There are certain scenarios where I've asked directly for an opinion and have gotten one, but here are times when it was the opposite. If I asked "should I finish grad school?" The answer is a resounding yes. I see my pdoc more now because my T is back in school herself but she would do the same. He is aware I carry a lot of guilt and H isn't thrilled about my being in school, so like you I'm seeking reassurance that I'm making the right choice and he is very supportive. On the other hand, he's not going to put himself in a position where I can come back and say I did something life altering because he told me to. So if I ask him something like "should I leave my H", I would not get a yes or no answer. Nor should I really - as an adult these are decisions I need to make for myself. Looking to others for answers to life altering questions is often a way for people who have trouble making decisions to deflect responsibility in case things go wrong (at least that's how I see it for myself since it's something I've done). The reality is a T doesnt have all the right answers and beyond the obvious, have no idea what is best for their clients. They can offer what they think based on your interactions together, or even what they might do in your situation. Otherwise, in most cases, they can't come out and tell you what to do. I think most good, grounded Ts know this and answer these questions diplomatically. But there are some with huge egos who are quick to pass judgement and offer inappropriate advice.

I think what's helpful is if the T asks you questions to help you find your own answer. My t does sometimes suggest things, eg "have you thought of..." but never tells me what to do.

sort-of. hes texted me/called me to tell me to take my meds. or like, go to bed. or stop drinking coffee in the middle of the night. stuff like that