Too late to cancel

My nerves are already working up. I have therapy tomorrow. I see her twice a week. But she's leaving for vacation, so I will miss both of my sessions next week. I really considered canceling tomorrow's session.... but couldn't bring myself to actually do it. She requires 24 hours notice to cancel.

I just want to say my session on Monday was, well, to me, a disaster. I practically shut down. I was curled up in a ball on the couch not engaged in my session at all. I just sat there and visibly shook. I've been telling her things I've never told a soul about my past. And the anxiety is getting the better of me. I seriously felt sick. She let me stay after my session was over to get a grip on myself...while she did some paperwork type stuff. After 5 minutes, I felt ready....thanked her, and left. I wasn't even on the road more than a few minutes and I really felt sick. I pulled over and threw up on the side of the road. I have NEVER felt that way before over nerves. I had a hard time getting my nerves back in check after that session, I was still shaky 8 hours later.

So now I get to do it all over again tomorrow. I'm thinking about asking for an easy session (whatever that is) since I won't be seeing her again for a week and a half.

I'm just curious...has anyone else ever felt this way, or had this physical reaction, during or after their sessions? My gosh, am I going to need to start keeping a pail in my car or what??? I feel like such a basketcase in there, but my nerves are seriously SHOT!

I think asking for a light session is a good idea. I've done that before (so has my T when he felt like I just needed a session to kind of center myself).

I had a couple of sessions were I went into full hyperventilation mode that T had to physically help me out of. I used to have very strong physical reactions due to flahbacks and dissociation. Not fun, but fortunately very temporary and survivable.

Our lighter sessions were nice and even productive in a different way. Ask for what you need.

I threw up every week before the appointment for the first 2-3 years. Now it does not happen every week any more - just sometimes. I do get a huge rushing in my head and pounding that is so loud that I can't hear and sometimes I go to speak and sound does not come out.
I would not approach it like asking for a light session but rather just that a light session was going to occur. I would not want the therapist thinking it was their choice rather than mine.

Ugh, sorry you went through that. I've had full-blown panic attacks in sessions with my individual T before, where I've come close to asking to leave or at least go to the bathroom because I felt sick. A couple times, she asked if I wanted to do a relaxation exercise (like closing my eyes, visualization of something calming, etc.), and we spent the last 20 minutes of the session on that. It helped. And sometimes when T can tell I'm really stressed, I'll end up talking about something fairly off-topic, like childhood pets or my H and I's wedding, and she'll just let me go with it for a bit. It's like she knows I need to discuss something lighter rather than other stuff. (Of course, other times, she knows I'm avoiding and will steer me back on course.)
Maybe you could ask your T to do that for you? I'd certainly let her know the intense effect that session had on you. i think you telling her that alone should lead her to give you a lighter session.

(Hugs). Must be the week for past trauma confessions.

I've thrown up from panic attacks but not related to therapy, so it can definitely happen. I wouldn't want to talk about anything major before her vacation either!

We usually touch base between sessions.... I have not contacted her at all. I just needed a break, I guess. A lot of times after a bad session I'll Email her that evening or the next morning. I didn't do any of that. I almost feel ashamed for my reaction...

Your not alone and there's no reason to ashamed. Years ago I had times like that when I was reliving the trauma, it does get better.

I've experienced this, too. I think asking for what you need is very brave. I keep a pail in my car for those sessions.

I agree that a lighter session might help. It can be really scary when these reactions kick in, but it does pass. I think it indicates that you're really getting to the deep stuff, which must be very de-railing and disorientating. But that's where the real work gets done. It will pass, and hopefully you will feel that you have moved through something. But, yeah, maybe keep a bucket in the car for a bit...

Maybe that why mine went in for the kill to give me a month off to get over it? I have no energy and I feel like shutting down.

Your T bombarded you before a month long break? I'm so sorry. Session in two hours...and I'm going to try to make it light. Although preoccupied...because now I need to meet someone down there right before....ugh. I try to get into therapy mode, and today is not working out that way.