[LadyGazelle]

After giving it some thought I'm giving up on therapy. I tried 2 therapists after having lost MY therapist I had a really good relationship with to a new job and now with no contact with him I'm just done with the whole concept now because honestly I don't think it's helping and I need an attachment in order for therapy to be at all helpful for me and I'm not feeling any connection even after 4 sessions with either therapist I tried. I don't want to grieve another therapist and honestly I feel that my former therapist was really the only one that could help me if psychology can do anything for me. I give up. I hate that he claims he can't have any contact with me for 2 years so I can't even talk to him. This whole situation hurts and I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of grieving, I'm tired of missing my therapist and I'm tired of trying again with someone else, I'm done I'll just have to make do on my own I guess.

[ruh roh]

I think it's a good idea to regroup after a difficult ending (or, one you didn't want to happen). You may still decide not to try again and find other ways to make life the way you want it to be. I took seven years between one bad ending and the next one. And then after that one ended (less badly--it was due to a move), I tried again several months later. Each time, I felt as you do right now, but the length of time off varied a lot.

Don't rule anything out entirely down the road, but taking time now, for as long as you need, makes a lot of sense.

[divine1966]

4 meetings aren't enough. It took me 6 months to trust that my t isn't judging me

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[LadyGazelle]

It's not that I don't trust these 2 therapists I have been seeing it's I don't feel a connection and the most recent one rubbed me the wrong way at how he has been approaching me and I'm just rather done at this point. I'm also afraid of a new connection because if that one leaves I'm back where I am now again with more grief and I just can't take anymore, I want my old therapist back.

I think it can be hard to find a good T/the right T. I have interviewed six T's, I had practically given up any hope of finding someone who was right for me who worked anywhere near me when I found my T. I'm sorry your ex-T won't let you have any contact, that sounds a bit brutal

[ECHOES]

You're in a different place than when you started with your first T, whom I'm sorry you lost. This time you are, with good reason, leery of connection. I think it might take longer and more work, and talking about this with a new T, if you should decide to return to therapy. How can a person connect when they are still feeling loss, resentment, anger, abandonment, hurt?

[LindaLu]

How long did it take to become attached to your original therapist? If the frustration is outweighing the rewards from your current T, then it's not on you to suffer more unrewarding sessions.

Americans are very much prone to internalizing...blaming failure on individuals. So patients in our health care system should stick it out and continue treatment because it's good for them, all the while their frustration builds.

HOWEVER you might tell your T honestly that forging attachment is key, and if they demostrated behaviors X and Y it would help. When I told my T to demonstrate less Z, things improved.

So much of therapy is behavioral and negotiable. Unlike Hollywood movies our partners and Ts dont magically know whats needed. You are spending money and time and emotional bandwidth. Those are finite resources.

Good luck within whatever you decide is best for you. If you discontinue therapy, do stick around this forum. There are lots of folks to learn from with diverse experiences and different opinions.