weird T

Hey everyone
hope you're all doing great.
I'm new here but I really needed your help to decide about sth so here we go...
I've been seeing my T from more than a year ago and at first I was seeing him on regular basis like each week or every other week but then after sometime It became like one session every month. at first everything was normal between us. but after like 3 months he started to become more intimate for example when he wanted to compliment about my appereance and telling me that you are so attractive he said you have nice lips and good skin and I was kinda ashamed of that intimate compliment if you know what I mean. or when I wanted to go on a trip he said "think of me at all these places you go." (why should I think of him?!)
but on a session on which I hadnt seen him for two months he suddenly said that he's seen a dream abt me last nite and then he said he dreams about me alot actually. I was kinda shocked and asked him what do u see in ur dreams and he said he's dreamt that we were on a trip to thailand together and at some point he said that he was getting a massage and when I arrived in his room he told his masseur to massage me and I enjoyed it alot and when it finished I told him "but I wanted YOU (the therapist) to massage me"
and he's answered that "but he can't."
after all the next sessions he didn't talk abt any dream fortunately.
the point is that he is too nice to me. very comforting and telling me that he would do whatever he can to help me anytime.
btw of course he doesnt do any inappropriate physical contactat!
each session he says sth that I think is kinda romantic like "whenever I miss you I look at ur pic on whatsapp" or "hearing ur voice and looking in ur eyes is one of the best things that could happen to me on a day"
the weird part is that I find myself being attracted to him by his kindness and all the nice words making me feel special and cared but the negative point is that he's married and I can't let my feelings develop for him.
all the situation has become complicated to me and I dont know how to act.
do you think he's really been inappropriate or "romantic" or is it just me obsessing too much over it? I need your opinion guys.
thanks for reading

Yes, he is being very inappropriate! As your therapist he shouldn't be saying all those things. Please get away from him and find yourself a decent T.

He's being really inappropriate. I think you know this really, but it is hard to believe it is really happening.

yeah he sounds very inappropriate but as long as he never actually did any inappropriate contact or physical action, I wasn't sure, you know? after all I learnt important things from him like real intimacy and love and caring for others (I really didnt know about that before in my relationships and how it's important) so it wasn't easy for me to just drop him if u know what I mean

Talking about is enough. Seducing is not limited to physical actions, and that's exactly what he's doing.

actually I couldn't really decide cause he is one of those very love giving, open and kind personalities and I thought maybe It's just him having too much love to give
anyways I sent him an email recently and told him abt all my concerns, do u think I should go discuss it with him or just drop him?

hell yeah! that's what I thought abt him all the time. It really feels like seducing to me but I could never guess his intention for it cause he's married and really against cheating and things like that....

Run!

He's feeling you out... grooming you.

Maybe it's me but it seems like grooming is going on.

He is coming across as kind, loving and open as a way to manipulate you. I he were really all those things he would not speak to you in such a lascivious, disrespectful way. He is incredibly inappropriate and actually sounds like a predator. I suggest never going back to him again and, if you feel comfortable, reporting him. I would be shocked if he has not acted this way (and done much more) with other clients.

Report him... My ex-T started out like that and became very abusive.

What's bothering me is the long spaces between appointments combined with the extra intimacy when you do eventually meet. Is that schedule your idea, or his? If he's trying to get you to have some positive transference, it seems appointments would be set at least once a week to promote that. Regardless, the way he says things sounds too sexually oriented instead of trying to bond in a therapeutic way.

Yeah betcha dollars to donuts his wife is pregnant and theyre not "doin it".

the funny point is that I think at that session that he talked abt his dream actually his wife was pregnant I remember him saying sth abt loosing his child the next sessions...

actually the space between them is my own decision cause I didn't have major problems and I needed time between sessions to make progress. I didnt want to waste my money although I'd miss talking to him between sessions.

oh wow! really? what did he/she do? please tell me about it...

ur right! It really sound inappropriate but what reaaallly confuses me is that after saying such things he's told me a few times that he loves me just as he loves his son(he's 14 yrs older than me) and his feelings for me are like a father and he never sees me as a woman. now he doesnt sound like a predator, right? I was like what was thaat and what is thiiiis? I mean a real paradox.

I honestly think the comparison to his son is another way for him to be manipulative. Telling you he loves you so openly is weird and unprofessional in any context. I think he uses the fatherly angle to inspire trust and for him to come off as sweet instead of creepy. In my opinion none of his behavior is accidental- he knows exactly what he's doing. I hope you don't mind me being too blunt, but I don't see anything resembling a therapeutic relationship from your post; I really think he's grooming you.

thanks so much for your help my friend! I really needed to know that I'm not really the obsessed and unrealistic one abt the whole story. this way I think I'll just quit or have one session to discuss all of this and then quit.

If you do have one more session, be mindful that he will likely adopt more manipulative tactics to persuade you to stay or convince you he hasn't behaved unethically. Chances are if he realises you are leaving he will worry you might report him and try to cover his *****. Don't be drawn back in.
I agree with others who say you are unlikely to be the first client he has done this to. You are very brave to walk away. It takes tremendous self respect and courage to realise what is going on and remove yourself from a potentially abusive situation. You're doing the right thing

actually although he's done huge mistakes in his relationship with me, I still can't see him as villain. cause he himself taught me to be kinder, more forgiving and patient towards others. try to give them more love, etc... of course an abuser wouldn't try to teach me such things. I just wrote the bad parts abt him here so no one can see him as a whole person here. and he has reached a special point in my life for himself for all he taught me, I guess he knows that I like him and wont report him.
but after all I see his mistakes, and inability to control himself against me and manage the sessions in appropriate ways. he hasn't considered my emotions and reactions against what he says and "too much love". I'll just quit not to bother myself anymore and protect me. but of course It's soo sad for me to lose someone that had become special for me and more important lose my trust in someone I wanted to trust the most. I cant rely on people easily any more (I've had similare situation before, its not the first time)
thanks for ur support

Run!!!!!

Honey, he has and is being so very manipulative. The whole point of 'grooming' someone is getting them to the point where they are too dependent / too involved / in too deep to either leave the relationship or speak out. This whole time his little comments have been grooming you to feel loved, accepted, special, and desirable... he has been gradually making it harder and harder for you to say no. He has been giving you too much of the good, so that it will override your sense of unease and sense of wrongness about what is actually happening.
This man should NOT be practising therapy. He has a lot of good points and has helped you in many ways, no doubt, but the things he is doing wrong will end up being far more destructive than ANY good he could do.

He IS actively working towards having a sexual relationship with you. Therapists who are not sexually grooming their clients do not say or act in the way your therapist does. There is no doubt about this.

He is a married man, and he is your therapist.
He makes you feel loved and special. He has already helped you in many ways.
He is actively and deliberately seducing you. Chances are you are not the only client he is doing this with. He may already be sexually active with other clients. He may be at various stages of the grooming process with others.

For all the ways this man makes you feel good, he is dangerous and he only has his own needs in mind. He would not do this to a person he genuinely cared about.

run and don't look back. report him. I'm sure you are a wonderful person but I would bet my money he is doing this to other patients as well.

thanks so much for ur care and support my friend!
I gave him an email and told him that due to his behaviours i cant trust him, he cant be my therapist anymore and its finished.
but now I feel like im drowning, I just wanna cry all day but I cant cause I have to study for exams