[SarahSweden]

I´m in agony about contacting or not contacting my old T after we had a bad rupture. It´s quite a long story but I was in therapy with her for some months, I liked her and we did fine up until I sent her a couple of opinions about the therapy which she couldn´t handle, she became dismissive.

I was chocked about it and couldn´t handle go see her and the therapy ended by phone. Since then I´ve been searching for a new T, for several months now. One or two has felt OK but for different reasons I haven´t found a new T.

My old T told me at the end I should try psychoanalysis instead of psychodynamic therapy and I´ve met with a couple of psychoanalysists but I don´t feel it´s right even if my old T recommended me that.

Old T never told me I wasn´t allowed to contact her again but she never told me the opposite either.

As I saw old T for just some months I can´t really tell something about the progression but I felt more hope and strength. Old T said she didn´t think she was the right T for me but there´s a big but about that because she just before the rupture told me we did good therapy together and that I were a special client to her.

I really don´t know what to do and I take into consideration things like

*Being hurt and disappointed again if I contact her and she says no to see me.

*If she says yes to see me again, that we´ll end up in a rupture again

*I´ve felt very bad about the rupture, crying and still cries over it sometimes. I feel worse than before I went into therapy.

But I also think I can overcome the things that caused the rupture, it´s more that I´m uncertain about the consequences if we´d start therapy again. I also know that when I´ve now seen several other T:s in evaluation I´ve always thought about my old T, regretting we ended therapy the way we did. Old T told me not to regret what happened but I do.

I would need some advice on this.

[Crescent Moon]

It is really sad that she didn't work to repair the rupture. From what you said, it sounds like she is over-sensitive, which isn't good for you. I remember bringing my therapist some things I read. Things that I thought would be helpful to me. It would have been easy for her to think I was trying to tell her how to do her job. She did not get offended. She was always very patient and kind about it. She has always told me that it is *my* therapy and she wants to know if there's anything she does or says that is unhelpful.

[CantExplain]

Difficult choice.

I sometimes vow never to contact madame T again, but I always do.

[Lauliza]

I don't see any harm in contacting her or her office by phone. If you can talk with her directly, great. If not, perhaps leave a message and see what happens. I know it's scary since there is a chance she may say no, but I think it's worth it since it seems like it's consuming you. I think a phone conversation is a better idea than email since emails can be missed or ignored. However if you find it too hard call, an email is always an option.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Difficult choice.

I sometimes vow never to contact madame T again, but I always do.

I found that the dynamic of communicating with an ex T (ex-communication!) is more equal than communicating with a current T. I don't expect her to earn her fee because she's getting none. And it's not her office either.