Books, Therapy, and Discussions with T

Ha, ha, along those lines of T's ignoring the things we do, I totally ignore some weird stuff my T does. I come to see him around dinner time, and he often has food from lunch he finishes up during our session. He didn't do this at first when I came to see him, but as we became comfortable together, he began eating sometimes when I was there. He will say excuse me while I eat or something like that, and I have no problem with it. I kind of felt honored we had achieved that level of comfort. But invariably, he drops a chunk of rice or something down his shirt or on the floor. A couple times he's been eating yogurt and spilled a big glob on the floor or on his shirt. Then he has to try to wipe it up. It is hilarious! That man is an eating disaster. It's kind of endearing, actually. I keep a straight face and just ignore his antics. Once we had an 8 am session and towards the end, he whips out a container with a big chunk of stew beef in it and cooked carrots, and begins eating this stuff. Cold! In the morning! He needed energy, he explained, somewhat sheepishly. Another time, he set his food in its container on his thigh, then realized the bottom of it was dirty, and had stained his pants. He started swearing and said they were new pants, and began asking me for laundry tips to get the stain out. LOL! Ha, ha, we've shared many fine moments together.

I know we are veering off the book topic of this thread, but I love exchanging little therapy tidbits like this.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
Ha, ha, along those lines of T's ignoring the things we do, I totally ignore some weird stuff my T does. I come to see him around dinner time, and he often has food from lunch he finishes up during our session. He didn't do this at first when I came to see him, but as we became comfortable together, he began eating sometimes when I was there. He will say excuse me while I eat or something like that, and I have no problem with it. I kind of felt honored we had achieved that level of comfort. But invariably, he drops a chunk of rice or something down his shirt or on the floor. A couple times he's been eating yogurt and spilled a big glob on the floor or on his shirt. Then he has to try to wipe it up. It is hilarious! That man is an eating disaster. It's kind of endearing, actually. I keep a straight face and just ignore his antics. Once we had an 8 am session and towards the end, he whips out a container with a big chunk of stew beef in it and cooked carrots, and begins eating this stuff. Cold! In the morning! He needed energy, he explained, somewhat sheepishly. Another time, he set his food in its container on his thigh, then realized the bottom of it was dirty, and had stained his pants. He started swearing and said they were new pants, and began asking me for laundry tips to get the stain out. LOL! Ha, ha, we've shared many fine moments together.

I know we are veering off the book topic of this thread, but I love exchanging little therapy tidbits like this.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hahaha, amazing. I love hearing stuff like this. Sunny, your T sounds so.... human. I don't know what I would do if my T did something like this during session. I am in the midst of struggling with him as an object vs. him as a human. The need to see him as human has just begun to emerge. It would probably be a lot easier if he would just stain his pants so we could get it over with.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Afterwards I just kept having this image of me actually flinging my shoe across the room or something.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">



LOL Lemon. This is a hilarious image. And I bet my T would do the same thing, just ignore it...or smile slightly and keep on talking!

Thanks for the smile.



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Haha, like the time I fell down the stairs. I know he didn't see it, but he undoubtedly heard it... a horrific crash. I didn't even give him time to possibily poke his head out and ask if I was ok... I bolted out of there faster than you could imagine.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
Ha, ha, along those lines of T's ignoring the things we do, I totally ignore some weird stuff my T does. I come to see him around dinner time, and he often has food from lunch he finishes up during our session. He didn't do this at first when I came to see him, but as we became comfortable together, he began eating sometimes when I was there. He will say excuse me while I eat or something like that, and I have no problem with it. I kind of felt honored we had achieved that level of comfort. But invariably, he drops a chunk of rice or something down his shirt or on the floor. A couple times he's been eating yogurt and spilled a big glob on the floor or on his shirt. Then he has to try to wipe it up. It is hilarious! That man is an eating disaster. It's kind of endearing, actually. I keep a straight face and just ignore his antics. Once we had an 8 am session and towards the end, he whips out a container with a big chunk of stew beef in it and cooked carrots, and begins eating this stuff. Cold! In the morning! He needed energy, he explained, somewhat sheepishly. Another time, he set his food in its container on his thigh, then realized the bottom of it was dirty, and had stained his pants. He started swearing and said they were new pants, and began asking me for laundry tips to get the stain out. LOL! Ha, ha, we've shared many fine moments together.

I know we are veering off the book topic of this thread, but I love exchanging little therapy tidbits like this.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I would find this totally unprofessional and taking away from my time and his attention to MOI..lol. This would be highly insulting to me and I would need to confront. I would be paying for the time that he would be slurping up food and finding rice. I would wonder what he might have missed of what I had to say.

Evidently...way different therapeutic model.... but you like it...he likes it and it works for you. Have you ever been angry in there or do you allow yourself to be angry in there?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

I would find this totally unprofessional and taking away from my time and his attention to MOI..lol. This would be highly insulting to me and I would need to confront. I would be paying for the time that he would be slurping up food and finding rice. I would wonder what he might have missed of what I had to say.

Evidently...way different therapeutic model.... but you like it...he likes it and it works for you. Have you ever been angry in there or do you allow yourself to be angry in there?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I would find this somewhat enchanting. Or at least amusing. Talk about unprofessional, I had a pdoc in NY who would take phone calls on his cell during a session, and examine the patterns on his tie while I was talking.

Okay, so my T has a box of tea bags and cups and a water cooler (which you now know I have used) in his waiting room. It took me months to avail myself of the tea which I did while waiting one week.

I think I would be offended if he started eating during a session. It just wouldn't fit in with our relationship in the room. He does have a drink on his table next to him and I sometimes have tea or water on mine (right next to the tissues).

However, i think I used to bring my lunch with me to my old T's office -- long time ago. So, if it fits within the context, so be it.......

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sunny, your T sounds so.... human.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
pinksoil, he totally is! And he is a humanistic T, so that all fits. He has never encouraged me in any way to think of him as an object. He has always been human and even has said stuff like "hey, I'm just a regular guy, I'm just like you."

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The need to see him as human has just begun to emerge. It would probably be a lot easier if he would just stain his pants so we could get it over with.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
pink, I think you need to remember this for your future as a therapist. If you are ever having trouble seeming more than an object to one of your clients, just spill something on your pants! Works every time.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I would find this totally unprofessional and taking away from my time and his attention to MOI..lol. This would be highly insulting to me and I would need to confront.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Hi SG, I can see how someone might react that way, but the truth is, if my T eats a bit while in session with me, it does not bother me at all, and it really doesn't take any time away from me. He's human and needs cals! He doesn't have a dinner break, he feels comfortable enough to ask my permission to eat while I'm there, and I'm a reasonable person and actually love our level of comfort together. I almost feel like this is the sort of favor you would ask of a friend, and expect them to understand, so it draws me closer to him. I've never felt a need to confront him about this or be angry with him about this. I find it quite endearing and even amusing when he drops the food. As I said before, I just tend to ignore it, but inside I am laughing at him. When I was in grad school, there was one professor who used to do similar stuff--drop things, spill ink on his tie, etc. He was just a sweetie and brought out the urge to help him from the women around him. I think there is some of that same feeling about my T's mishaps.

I remember feeling surprised when I came in once and my T was eating an apple :-) I was late I think or we both had to travel to get to the session and apparently she hadn't had time to eat, etc. I'd rather my T took care of herself, I guess if she'd been eating chips or something messy :-) that would have mattered but I brought donuts and milk to a session once because I hadn't eaten and to see what it was like, the "embarrassment" of eating, etc. I think I bought an extra donut and offered it to her :-) But we talked about eating a bit (and my weight) and taking care of one's self and that sort of thing. But there wasn't any sort of refreshment area in my T's offices so we often brought our own "drinks" (or at least she often had tea I think, I don't really know what it was) and there was no problem with that for me.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
When I was in grad school, there was one professor who used to do similar stuff--drop things, spill ink on his tie, etc. He was just a sweetie and brought out the urge to help him from the women around him. I think there is some of that same feeling about my T's mishaps.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

My professor fell off of his chair during my oral presentation. I could barely continue because I was nearly hysterical, but it was so... real, lol.

I definitely don't see my T as a 'regular guy.' Between my idealism and his classic analytical demeanor, sometimes I feel like I have to poke him just to make sure he's real.

Hahaha, imagine I walked in on Friday, and poked him? Wonder what he would do.

LOL Pink

I think that he might respond in a human way. I sometimes wonder what my T would do if I threw something at him and yelled, " F&^% You". Nothing too damaging, just a crumpled up piece of paper or something along those lines.....

Mind you I'm not mad at him about anything right now but i just wonder.

I have told mine that "I would like to say '%#@&#! you' to you." lol... that about made the point...almost..lol..safe but point made...

well at the last visit I did pretend ... with my finger ...that I was jabbing him with a knife and twisting the handle... but was describing him. He thought that was great.

My T has suggested several books. Two of them were very good for me. The authors are Henry Cloud & John Townsend. One book is Boundaries and the other is Safe People. They both are at our public library. These authors have other book out that look like they will be good. They are Christian authors.

If you've read any books that have been helpful, please list them. I like reading something that has been suggested.

My T sometimes has coffee on his desk from the local shop that I also go to. No, I haven't seen him there. His assistant always picks up the coffee....

I once said to him, during my lunch time session, so are you going to eat anything or do you just keep going and going...I worry about that. He sees like 15 clients a day...that is 75 per week barring any cancellations...how does he remember all of this?

15 clients a day? That is nutz. How long do you get with him?

O.K.... I confess... you folks have me thinking. I do read books on issues I am having in therapy but they are not therapy books. I have now been perusing books on Amazon and may get some.... but just for my use. Thanks for the inspiration and change in thought. There look like some good ones that could be helpful to me. (thinking mainly of ones that Echoes told Sunshine she bought... 2-4 of those...)

Books have helped speed the process of therapy for me. Some books have been recommended by my t, such as 'The Little Prince' and 'The Dance of Anger' and 'The Drama of the Gifted Child'.

Other books have helped me make sense out of the therapeutic process and normalize my therapy experience. Others have provided perspective and info on topics I was addressing in therapy at the time.
Some titles that come to mind are,
Negotiating the Therapeutic Alliance (rupture and repair)
Where to Draw the LIne (boundary issues)
Am I Crazy or is it My Shrink
Intimacy and Solitude
Self-Nurture
Books on depression and anxiety
Books on healing trauma

These are 2 books I have read (or am reading), each with the case study approach, where each chapter is either about psychotherapy with a specific client or focusing on one particular, seminal psychotherapy session.

Their Finest Hour: Master Therapists Share Their Greatest Success Stories by Jeffrey Kottler and Jon Carlson
Each chapter is about a different psychotherapist and one of his/her greatest/most significant/most helpful moments in psychotherapy. The therapists come from widely different training and philosophical backgrounds and use many different therapeutic approaches. It is fascinating the different ways they attack the presenting problems in therapy. This book is a great way for a person to learn about different therapeutic approaches and maybe gain insight into which approaches resonate the most with them. (This can help people when they are looking for a therapist.) I found I loved some of these therapists and their approaches. Others I wouldn't want to get near me with a 10 foot pole! Very readable and highly recommended (by me!).

Love's Executioner: and other Tales of Psychotherapy by Irvin Yalom
I am reading this one and am only in the second chapter, but I really like it. Each chapter is about a different client of the author. Anyone who has ever wondered about the degree of countertransference in session, whether the therapist cares about his clients, or whether the therapist thinks about his clients outside of session, need only read this book for reassurance. I find all the self-doubt and countertransference of the therapist during the sessions really revealing. This guy is definitely human and not afraid to show it in his book. And he sure works hard in session to find solutions.