[BlessedRhiannon]

I have a good relationship with my T and I'm confident that she's there for me if I need her. She accepts emails from me and has for the 6 years I've been seeing her, with no change. I've actually been emailing less these last few months, as my symptoms get under better control and I'm more able to talk to her in session. That's great progress for me.

Now - T is on vacation for the next 4 days. I know she won't be checking emails. She told me in our session on Tuesday that she will be completely unavailable Thursday through Sunday and gave me her backup's information. At the time, I was totally fine with her not being available. Didn't bother me in the least - we talked a little about her vacation, and I told her that I hope she has a great time.

Today, the first day of her vacation, I desperately want to send her an email. I don't even have anything specific I want to write to her - I just want to send her an email. I won't. There's no point in sending her something that she's not even going to see until next Monday morning. There's nothing urgent I feel like I need to tell her. So what is up with this sudden urge to email her? Especially knowing that she's not going to read it any time soon. Why in the world am I having to fight this urge to email her when I know that if she were not on vacation, I wouldn't feel the need to email?! This is so frustrating!!!!

[musinglizzy]

My T is on vacation too. I'm missing two sessions with her. I'm left struggling though, not so much because she's gone but because this is pretty much the first time she didn't share any details...and I'm curious where she is. The reason I'm curious what she's doing is because this is the FIRST vacation she's taken since I started seeing her over a year ago that she didn't offer for me to check in. In fact, she told me she would not be available by phone(text) or Email while she's gone. Being as sensitive as I am, I've been left thinking this is a new boundary. I had no intentions of contacting her anyway, as I don't usually when she's gone unless she nags me to just quickly check in, and since we had a rupture in March, I'm sensitive to anything changing boundary wise. I feel like I have to be vigilant because my T changed a boundary, "for my best interest," without telling me, just let me figure it out on my own. So now I'm always wondering if she's doing it again. Maybe she's somewhere where she can't use these things, or perhaps is on some sort of family trip and left the electronics behind, but it would be helpful to know. EVERY TIME she left in the past year she offered me a check in...and even if I don't use it, it's a nice thought to have in my head, because I was told I CAN. She even got married last summer and kept in touch while she was gone. It breaks my heart, and drives me nuts.

My guess is, even if she won't see it, you just want the connection, because she's gone. In the past when T has been gone I kept a journal while she was gone, if anything had happened that I might forget to talk to her about, and then shared it with her after she got back. perhaps, instead of Emailing her, just start one and add to it as you need to, and when she returns, decide if you wish to share it with her, or just delete it. That will hold you over for the 4 days she's gone. My T will be gone 10 days, some Ts go away for a month or more....so, although we miss them regardless of the time away, four days will be over before you know it! But I found that "journal" of sorts to really help me.

I think the email represents the relationship.
"....What's the point of sending it because she won't see it.."
Is just an externalisarion of what you're are feeling.

[unaluna]

My t always says something like, "you think i will forget about you over my vacation but i dont; i keep you in mind. I am not your mother". Then when he returns he usually tells me a specific incident where he says he thought of me. Im like, im sure you use the same freaking incident for every freaking client! Still, there is a buzzing in the room, so something is going on. I feel very exposed. I havent really been able to talk about it yet.

[Perna]

My T would often go on vacation for 3-8+ weeks at a time and I'd write her snail mail letters to her office sometimes. I didn't care that she wouldn't see them for that long, I could picture her eventually (when she got back) opening and reading them and that was enough for me. We never even really discussed what I'd written (just "that" I'd written a lot or whatever). If you feel like emailing, I would just email that you feel like emailing and that you're wondering/thinking about that, etc., just as you have posted here? She'll probably read it eventually, before you see her again.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Thanks guys. This isn't the first vacation she's gone on, or even the longest! And, she typically doesn't respond to emails Friday through Sunday anyway. Since my sessions are typically on Thursdays, if I email her after a session, I know I won't get a reply until Monday. So, this isn't really that different...except that she's out of town. She was gone a week before and I was okay. There's just something different this time. Maybe it's because I have some stuff going on that is kind of stressing me out and we haven't had a chance to talk about it.

Sigh - it probably is worth emailing her and at least letting her know what's going on in my brain. It may be worth discussing when she gets back.

I have a regular text check in with her on Sundays, and she told me to keep to that, with the understanding that she may not respond right away, as she'll be traveling.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Anyone use MS Lync at the office? It knows your status based on your calendar, so shows you as available if you've got nothing scheduled, or 'in a meeting,' etc. You also have the option of setting it to do not disturb, which prevents incoming texts or phone calls. There is a contact list that develops, based on frequency of contact with a person.

The contact list sits in the background and I don't give it a moment's thought. I have no desire to ping anyone unless it's to gossip about my horrible boss . That is, unless I see the do not disturb. Then, ALL I can think of is pinging them...whatcha doing? Busy? Gotta deadline? Want some help? and a bunch of annoying stuff.

It's exactly the same for me with T. I don't routinely think of calling after hours and we don't email or text. Let her mention that she'll be unavailable for any length of time and I become a teenager obsessing on a crush. I start making up reasons why I wanted to call. Imagined slights or suspicious dreams. Blah, blah, blah.

In the end, I don't do anything about my ruminations. I never even remember to discuss it. But I did want to assure you, Blessed, that you are not alone in this annoying issue.