[Lettinginthebeauty]

Hi all, I have been in therapy for about four years for anxiety and childhood trauma. For the past year and a half, I have been working with a therapist I really like, definitely the best after a string of not so good ones. We've been doing EMDR and Internal Family Systems and it was really working. fast forward to December, my husband and I got pregnant and I immediately was filled with joy and calm, didn't want to work on anything anymore and only wanted to talk about baby and pregnancy. Now he's a. A man and b. Never had kids, so I just felt like he wasn't too interested and little fissures in our relationship began to emerge. Then in Feb I had a miscarriage and it was harrowing and terrible and the worst I've ever felt in my life from grief and hormonal changes, etc. I was self harming and having a lot of SI thoughts, very very depressed. I was seeing T twice a week and he was not helping AT ALL, I felt like he completely didn't understand anything. My OB provided a lot of support especially since she herself had a miscarriage and now has two kids, and I also turned to online therapy and my online therapist helped a TON, amazing to be able to text and talk to her every day for a couple of hours, but it wasn't the same as Face to face therapy at all, it did help me get through some bad weeks. I never told my T that I was doing online therapy, but we did talk about his lack of understanding and just had rupture after rupture. (My miscarriage took three weeks of cramping and bleeding to complete and T said he understood that cramping feeling because he had a colonoscopy. Ummm no). I talked to him during this time about seeing another therapist, a woman who might understand pregnancy issues more. I tried seeing her once but I was just in too bad a place to be able to do anything other than have a huge panic attack in her office.
Now, I'm pregnant again, everything is going ok so far, I am anxious because of previous miscarriage but feeling the same not really needing to go to therapy feeling. I am still seeing my T about every three weeks (I keep rescheduling, don't really want to be there with him). Obviously my OB would like me to be in therapy, especially as sometime in the second trimester I will need to reduce my Zoloft and need extra support. I feel strange because I have lived for therapy over the past few years, huge transference stuff, loving and obsessing over my therapists and now I'm just not interested. It's not that I am especially happy, I've been very sick wiTh morning sickness and anxious about baby being healthy, but everything else, trauma memories etc have gone away. Has this happened to anyone else during pregnancy? T says they will come back and I should work now, but I just don't want to especially with him. Should I try someone new? Take a break? Keep going and talking about the weather?
I don't know if this rupture is worth resolving or just me growing up and moving on?
Please share experiences etc, really needing some feedback.
Thanks everyone

[stopdog]

I am a big believer in trying out new therapists. If it was me, I would go see a few others and see how I felt about them.

[PeeJay]

Pregnancy filled me with peace and I dramatically scaled back therapy. Enjoy this feeling! You can go back to therapy later, especially to prevent or treat PPD.

[divine1966]

I would definitely go see a different therapist either now or later. He sounds like he is no help to you at all. Colonoscopy? Really?

I had my only child young so I wasn't in therapy but I recall I was extremely preoccupied with having healthy child so all I worried about was doing everything right while pregnant. I was too preoccupied with it to worry about anything else. I understand you being so into your pregnancy that therapy isn't important.

So overall I vote for finding new t and see her now or later. Yes find a woman and who has children



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[Petra5ed]

I would find a new therapist. I think wanting to work with them is key. Seems like you are just ready to move on now.

[BonnieJean]

Maybe your OB has some suggestions for other t'S. I know how different pregnancy made me feel and the totally different focus. I was not in therapy at the time and I didn't need to be. Your OB might be right about the added support when you cut back on medicine. Also you might need to be sensitive to symptoms of post pardem depression that hits after birth with all the changing hormones and emotions. It would be good to have a t at least on call in case you experience that.

[Eliza Jane]

I would say my T (female, no bio kids) was not super helpful with my miscarriage and subsequent high risk pregnancy. I've seen her for years and find her to be a comfort in general, but I was disappointed with what I got out of therapy after my loss and during my pregnancy. I almost wonder if it is the sort of thing that there really isn't much a T can do, you just have to get through it. In your case, though, it sounds like you aren't even getting the little comfort I got from my T (she wasn't rude or anything). Maybe a switch is in order.

Good luck in T and with the pregnancy!