The email experiment

CBT T wanted to try an experiment this week. I am, for this week, free to email him as much as I feel I need to.

On the one hand, I feel much calmer knowing I can email him any time. I don't feel panicky like I did last week.

On the other hand, it feels like a trap. I could exceed some invisible boundary and get hurt. He says he won't pull the rug out from under me during this but I don't trust it.

Any clue what this means? If I email only once, not at all, or too much what does it prove??

I dunno. I hope he doesn't pull the rug out from under you. (hug)

Maybe he needs to see what it is you're needing or asking for; and then he and you have something tangible to talk about and negotiate.

I would email as much as works for you to email. That way, when you meet next week and talk about it, you'll at least be working with something solid. He might be able to see that it's no big deal, or that it is a big deal or too much for him, and you might realize it wasn't at all helpful or was very helpful---but you'll have some framework for what the "what" is. If that makes sense.

In other words, I would use it in a way that's useful for you to learn from, not just an experiment for him.

Its like Geneen Roth's "diet" - you stop depriving yourself, you eat whatever you want whenever you want, and eventually you end up where you need to be. Not that it ever worked for me. I think i need to do it with exercise in addition to food. But yeah - this sounds like when t told me he would be available one winter holiday for calls or whatever. Part of it is that you no longer feel deprived, but part of it is also that you can get some extra work done. Win-win.

I agree it's a learning opportunity, plus time to get some extra support while he learns. I hope it will forge some between session compromise for you two that's clearer than his previous stance.

Personally, I think it's a hopeful thing!

And if he does reneg, tell him to expect an angry mob!

How'd it go, if you don't mind me asking?

Thank you Leah!!! s sorry I meant to follow up!

Last week, after seeing T I actually felt calmer at first, knowing that it was ok to email any time. As the holiday weekend approached I started getting anxious because there is no way that he "meant" his offer over a holiday weekend! I told him that today. I never ended up contacting him.

He had a good point and said that I never gave him a chance to prove himself.

We had a pretty good session today, talking about all of our recent disconnects. I'll revive the other thread too related to this.

I don't think he understands where I am coming from but I get the idea that he is truly trying his best. We need to continue to discuss what his rules are and also discuss how we can work together.

I'm glad you two talked about it. I hope you'll try the idea, good that it did seem to help you feel calmer at first.

The offer was only good for last week

Really? Because that would seem super inconsistent and tick me off!

I don't want to question you, but gosh, did he really say that? Did you ask if you could do it next week instead or something?

I didn't ask because I think I won't use it. The conversation isn't over thankfully. I need clarification about what is ok and what isn't. How much is too much?