If your therapist could do anything for you what would you want?

I want the God's honest truth, no pulling punches either. The idea I can't take it is rubbish. I've dealt with more than many people will ever have to and I'm still intact - ok barely - but still intact.

I want to live with her. Just us. I want her to be my mom. I want her to hold me as I cry.

I would want my therapist to come home with me for several months and make sure everybody is taking responsibility for their own stuff and behaving properly and caringly, and not being mean or irresponsible or cruel.

Everyday he would tell me it's safe for me to leave home and go out there and pursue my own stuff and responsibilities and live life. Why? Because he would be home and make sure mom would not get on sister's nerves and mom/dad would not scapegoat me, and that there is a sense of stability in the family so I don't have to worry about them all the time in terms of needing to help them emotionally or worry about them intruding on my boundaries or not be there for me when I need them. He will make sure there is predictability, people will speak their mind, will keep their word, will cooperate, and seek help if they need it. No more abuse, emotional blackmail, sudden explosion of tempers, or sabotage behind the scenes.

In short, I would not have to worry about family in any shape or form in a way that is been stopping me from living my life and fear of having them trigger my PTSD. I'm having the mental image of my therapist as a zookeeper. The animals are the emotions in my family, they're wild, they're out of control, they're dangerous. He will make sure they're contained and expressed in proper manner.

It would be wonderful to come home to a family who will be predictable. It makes me feel safe but also makes my mind free. But my therapists never offered that and never could do that. When I went for therapy, I guess deep down I wanted an older wise aunt or uncle to come and get things under control. But it did not happen.

If she could do anything, I'd have her take all of this away from me.