Where do people go?

I've had depression my entire adult life, and I've been struggling with serious, heavy-duty 'crap' extra hard for the last year and a half. I have told some family members and a few friends what is going on with me, and they all say, "I'm here for you whenever you need to talk!" I do not talk in detail to these people, and I do not act like I'm full of doom and gloom, I do not burden them senslessly with my problems, though I have had an occassional break down in front of some of them. Though I don't lean too heavily on any of these people too often, it was nice to know I had support.

I have found that I since had a really good streak -- a run of feeling good for like a couple of weeks or so -- a few months ago, these people assumed that I became cured, and am no longer struggling. No one asks how I am doing with this crap anymore. No one asks how things are going with therapy. And then when something comes up and I need to say, "sorry, I am not up for doing something today because I'm not doing too well" they act all surprised like they can't beleive I still struggle with that crap. I could understand if I were running around constantly acting like a stick in the mud, or pouring out my woes non-stop. Totally not the case. So how is it people figure decades worth of 'crap' is gonna go away just like that???

Does anyone else experience this? Does it tick you off like it does me? Or am I so effed up that I don't get something here? I guess it just hurts. It makes me feel like this 'crap' I have to deal with isn't important, which leads me to believe I am not important. Of course that is nothing new, but that would be a whole new thread.

People just don't understand mental illness. They think you can be happy and "be cured" when that is not the case. The stuff you are dealing with is important and you are even more so important. You have the support of people here who get it.

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If someone offers support when you're struggling and then hear that you are doing better, it's not uncommon to take that at face value. Some people who are more insightful may understand but many people don't. Of course some people are insincere, but I think many people really do care, they just don't "get it". Everyone has their own stuff to deal with so it is natural to become consumed with ones own life and easy to lose track of what's happening with others. Maybe explaining more explicitly to people will help. You could say that while you may seem to be doing well sometimes, you are still struggling inside.

In my experience, if someone hasn't personally dealt with depression and/or anxiety, then they typically don't really understand what we go through. They probably just think, "Oh, she's having a rough time of it right now" and then figure you got over it. They don't understand it's a continuing problem, sometimes a lifelong problem, for some people. If you have a friend or family member you feel especially close to and who maybe seems to "get it" a bit more, try explaining more to them how it's always there, that sometimes you feel a bit better, but aren't all magically cured.

First, you are important. As others have said, unless someone has gone through it, they don't really know. The ones that upset me are those that think they understand because they've had down days.

I try not to let it upset me. I have one friend who gets it. And then my therapist. That's more than I used to have.

I don't tell people. It's not their burden to carry.
I don't feel victimised. People can do the best they can.

I think the "like they can't believe I still struggle. . ." is your addition. If you are doing well and not asking for help or exhibiting any sort of difficulties and then you do express, "I'm not doing too well" that is surprising to most people on the outside? It is a shift in how you have been acting, what you have been expressing (which is all anyone besides one's self has to go on). But it feels like the depression talking, the personal put-down to call your struggle "that crap" and imply you should just get over it ("still struggle"). I don't think anyone is saying that to you and I imagine there are still one or two people who ask what they can do to help when you do express a need?

Thanks all. I appreciate the input.

There was an article I read about the difference in support of someone has cancer or survives a car accident versus mental illness. Chronic depression is like living with any chronic condition and it flares at times but because others really don't understand there isn't the ongoing support. People who fight cancer are "brave", those who fight depression are considered "weak". Its not right but there's still so much misunderstanding and stigma

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I have had it with many people who I thought would be there for me and when the time came to be there, they turned their back. I have been devastated by close friends and not so close co-workers. Seems like almost everyone in my life has gone against me including my T. He started it off by broadcasting my entire personal life which I kept - PRIVATE - HELLO!! Be forewarned of unscrupulous therapists out there who are out to glorify themselves at the expense of their clients.

People who live a generally happy life with minor problems along the way....these people don't understand the first thing about challenges of any kind. I would not tell them anything anymore if all they want to hear is that you're "fine". Give them what they want. Find a decent therapist if you can (not as easy as it sounds) and let the carefree people bask in their happiness - away from you. When the day comes that they are in "need" of anything then you might want to remember where they were when you needed them.

Maybe everyone's do wrapped up in their own struggles they forget others still struggle too. Some people think depression goes away. For some though, it's a life long battle.

I disagree. Some people do fully recover. Mental illness is chronic for some people, and for others they can have one or a few episodes of illness and be entirely well in between.

A very valid point. This brings to mind friends who become moms before others in the group. The childless friends may feel sad or upset that the mom friends don't make time for them, or they aren't interested in them due to being at different stages of life. And in some cases this is what happens. But very often it's because the new mom is struggling just to keep their head above water getting the basics done. I can't count how many times in my early parenting days when I thought: "I need to call friend X" and I'd forget until a 2:00 AM feeding session. Not mental health issues but a similar idea