Does therapy work

I was forced to make an appointment Monday for next week. We'll see how I feel and if I'm even able to make it in the office (my worst anxiety attack was so bad I couldn't even get out of the car and go where I needed to go)

Who forced you? What happened?

My ex made me because i need help

How could he make you?

No one can force you to get therapy unless court ordered. Why do you use the word "forced"?

Because I didn't/don't feel like i have a choice in it.

But there weren't any threats or violence if that's what anyone was worried about

The level of powerlessness you keep alluding to might be a really good reason to explore therapy. One of the biggest factors in my own persistent depression was how powerless I felt in the face of it. I had given all my power away to other people and to my depression itself all of my life. In therapy, I learned how to regain that sense of autonomy and personal power that I had completely abdicated over the years. I hope you can make this decision to go to therapy YOUR decision. In owning it as what you need to do for yourself, rather than once again saying you are being forced to do something you don't want to do, you will perhaps be able to commit to helping yourself. You are an adult now and you can make this decision FOR yourself and by yourself. Your perspective going into therapy will make a great deal of difference in your willingness and ability to commit to helping yourself.

That's the same as you choosing to go to therapy- he's only using power you handed him, it's still your power.

Can you describe to a therapist what your depression feels like and how you'd like your life to improve? If so then you have more power than you realize.

Therapy is especially helpful you are engaged, trying out tools the T offers, giving feedback (yes to this/not that, maybe later...) and measuring your progress against goals or aspirations.

This is the inherent power of a client. Some good may come from therapy just by osmosis, but not a lot. Another thing to consider is group therapy. You may feel more autonomy there.

I may be able to describe the depression but I have no idea how I'd want my life to be better. I basically live against my will

I think everything that you are saying here is worth saying to a therapist. They can discuss every issue, thought, and feeling you have expressed on here. Any competent therapist can help you work through these issues and I promise you that it won't be the first time they've heard it from someone.

You say that you don't think it will help but you are on here asking for an opinion so there must be a part of you, even if it is a small part, that believes it could help you. If you didn't, you wouldn't even bother to ask.

Again, I highly suggest giving it a try. It's not going to hurt to go a few times and you have all the power to stop at any time or walk out of the room. There is something incredibly powerful about sitting in a room with someone for an hour who is completely present with you and focused on you and helping you feel better.

But if i don't feel like i have the power to start, what makes you think i'll have the power to stop?

If you want the depression to lessen, you're going to have to put forth effort.

What do you hope to gain by your thread? This is the psychotherapy forum not the depression forum, so I assume you want support with therapy and/or advice...which multiple had been given, but you're rejecting all of it.

Can you please clarify how we can better support you through this.

I truly can't. I don't know what I thought to get by even posting here

I have absolutely no idea, not knowing you. but I wonder, if you will permit me, whether your comments are not a cry for help. You feel you need help to break the terrible cycle of feelings you have had since childhood, you sort of know that you have limited options and that the future is not good if you do not get help, but it is an unimaginably big break with your normal way of thinking about yourself.

So you say your partner has forced you to make an appointment. Force is very seldom acceptable between two private people, but perhaps part of you accepts this force as helpful. Perhaps also you are getting encouragement here and although you are not fully convinced you feel you could be persuaded.

Trust your instincts and get help. It is a brave thing to do, braver than hiding in patterns of past behaviour perhaps. I wish you well.