[AuroraBorealis75]

I don't think I have romantic feeling for my therapist, but I am filled with so much gratitude for her. She is gentle and kind and affirming. It's taken a long time for me to trust her. I don't trust people easily. But she just seems to know exactly what I need, and I have gotten comfortable with hugging her. I only have a few months left of therapy, and I find myself wishing I could be friends with my therapist. I'm not ready for her to not be a part of my life anymore.

Even though I don't think I have romantic feelings for her, I think I am a bit obsessed. I think about her every day, and I miss her intensely in between sessions. I've also looked her up on Google, and found out that her dad died a little over a year ago, just before I started therapy with her. I feel so bad that she was going through such a big loss. I feel like she shouldn't have had to listen to my troubles when she was/is grieving such a big loss, and today I just thought she seemed kind of sad. I just feel full of compassion for her, and I want to tell her that I love her and that I'm sorry that her dad died. I want to hold her in my arms and comfort her the way she has comforted me. But she doesn't know that I know, so I can't say anything about it to her.

[Soccer mom]

I have told mine out of love too. And, I've had all of those feelings. Someone mentioned that my feelings are like those of an infant - looking into her eyes, wanting to be near her, be cared by her etc. are all an innate inclination and drive for survival. I (and maybe you) missed out on those experiences.

My feelings have lessened and I have learned a lot from them. I try to tell her all of them to learn from them and what I missed. It has been very painful yet rewarding.

[LonesomeTonight]

I wouldn't say anything about her dad, since as you said, she doesn't know you know.

You could certainly tell her you love her, but just know that she's probably not going to feel comfortable saying it back (well, some T's do), so be prepared for that. It doesn't mean she doesn't care or love you back--many just don't feel it's appropriate to share those feelings with clients.

I recently told my T of almost 4 years that I love her, and she said "That's very nice." But I can tell that she cares about me very much, and that's enough for me. Also recently told my marriage counselor that I love him, but it was more in the "If I love you, is that OK?" sense, so he said that yes, it was OK, but that I had awful taste. It was more that I wanted to know he wouldn't push me away because I felt that. (Things with him are a bit more complicated, with some romantic feelings mixed in with paternal transference.)

[AuroraBorealis75]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

You could certainly tell her you love her, but just know that she's probably not going to feel comfortable saying it back (well, some T's do), so be prepared for that. It doesn't mean she doesn't care or love you back--many just don't feel it's appropriate to share those feelings with clients.

That's why I haven't told her how I feel about her, because I'm afraid if she didn't say "I love you" back to me I would feel rejected, which would re-enact all the rejection I felt from my mom. I don't think I could handle that right now.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by AuroraBorealis75

I don't think I have romantic feeling for my therapist, but I am filled with so much gratitude for her. She is gentle and kind and affirming. It's taken a long time for me to trust her. I don't trust people easily. But she just seems to know exactly what I need, and I have gotten comfortable with hugging her. I only have a few months left of therapy, and I find myself wishing I could be friends with my therapist. I'm not ready for her to not be a part of my life anymore.

Even though I don't think I have romantic feelings for her, I think I am a bit obsessed. I think about her every day, and I miss her intensely in between sessions. I've also looked her up on Google, and found out that her dad died a little over a year ago, just before I started therapy with her. I feel so bad that she was going through such a big loss. I feel like she shouldn't have had to listen to my troubles when she was/is grieving such a big loss, and today I just thought she seemed kind of sad. I just feel full of compassion for her, and I want to tell her that I love her and that I'm sorry that her dad died. I want to hold her in my arms and comfort her the way she has comforted me. But she doesn't know that I know, so I can't say anything about it to her.

I could have written most of this myself. I feel the same way about my T as you do. I told my T that I loved her and it just made my attachment more intense to the point where I feel like I was borderline obsessed with her. (Not in a lifetime movie kind of way thought) I had an emergency session due to a crisis I was having and I said it to her again and she said "I love you" back to me. That was one of the best feelings/moments of my life. I could tell she meant it and she felt the same way. She won't say it directly to me unless I am in crisis because she says its more reserved for her personal life. So we both decided to say "I have love for you" often. Its like our own special way to say it. Maybe if you tell your T that you love her if she is not comfortable saying it back maybe you both could compromise and say it in a non direct way.

[AuroraBorealis75]

I don't think I could tell her. I'm just so afraid she wouldn't reciprocate, and I would feel rejected and it would get in the way of therapy. Just thinking about it brings tears close to the surface. Maybe at our last session I could tell her, when I give her the shawl I am crocheting for her.

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I could have written most of this myself. I feel the same way about my T as you do. I told my T that I loved her and it just made my attachment more intense to the point where I feel like I was borderline obsessed with her. (Not in a lifetime movie kind of way thought) I had an emergency session due to a crisis I was having and I said it to her again and she said "I love you" back to me. That was one of the best feelings/moments of my life. I could tell she meant it and she felt the same way. She won't say it directly to me unless I am in crisis because she says its more reserved for her personal life. So we both decided to say "I have love for you" often. Its like our own special way to say it. Maybe if you tell your T that you love her if she is not comfortable saying it back maybe you both could compromise and say it in a non direct way.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by AuroraBorealis75

I don't think I could tell her. I'm just so afraid she wouldn't reciprocate, and I would feel rejected and it would get in the way of therapy. Just thinking about it brings tears close to the surface. Maybe at our last session I could tell her, when I give her the shawl I am crocheting for her.

I know how you feel. When I said it to her the first time and she said "Thank you" I felt crushed and really hurt. I think you are doing a good job at protecting yourself.

[AuroraBorealis75]

I've told her that I'm going to miss her when therapy is done, and she hasn't said that she will miss me too. She knows that I have transference issues with her, that I've gotten really attached to her, because I felt like I had to tell her about that. We are doing what is called Lifespan Integration Therapy, which she says will address my attachment issues, but so far I just feel like my attachment to her is getting more and more intense. At least she has reciprocated when I've asked for a hug. One time she responded by saying, "Always!" And then she opened her arms wide and we held each other for a long time. Today I didn't even have to ask for a hug. At the end of the session, after she gave me my invoice, she just knew I wanted a hug and it just happened.

[Restin]

When I was a lot worse a decade ago, I would go to the ER in a wild, out-of-control condition, even get worse after let in the psych ward where it was safer to rage and beat on furniture, and such. What was wonderful was how some of the good techs and docs could talk me down, get into my pain in a caring way, and rescue me from my hell. In a way, I could feel loved after that without having to say the scary words.
Nowadays, I'm past that depth of illness, but I love my new T so much that I dream of being rescued by her. I don't think I could, or should, fake a crisis, but it was so magical to be "talked down" by a therapist who has the empathic, strong personality to risk getting involved with me. I can just feel her power of "crisis negotiator" like a halo around T. I feel like Aurora B, that T coming out with "I Love You" taps into a bee's nest of complexity and confusion about "just what did you mean by that"?

I guess this corny idea of mine comes from early experiences in childhood of being in a rage or panic attack and having stupid people drop out from under me, shutting me in the basement or closet until I 'shape up', instead of dealing with me.
So, I just imagine dramatic rescue things happening with T now instead of doing them. Such a yearning! Drats. But I'm past being ashamed of it, anyway. I can imagine what I want. Dreaming is a lot safer.