[fadedstar]

Okay so I swear I'm an adult chronologically at least but I went through a lot of abuse growing up and have PTSD from it along with what's likely organic based depression and anxiety. I had some horrible experiences with therapists and doctors in the past when I first started to get treatment so I became very reluctant to therapy to put it mildly.

Started seeing current T last year, older has seen everything, I can't shock her and realizes and acknowledges the absolute pile of crap I've been through.

I don't really want her to adopt me and go live in her house or anything but I find a little disconcerting that I almost see her in a way that I wish I had her as a parent.

Today she called me twice while sick apologizing for having to cancel on me. She sounded so bad I told her to go to bed and really kind of want to bring her like soup or something. I didn't ask if I could and wouldn't as I know that's crossing boundaries but the fact that I thought this worries me.

Like is this actually a normal response or is this just completely wrong?

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[Ad Intra]

This happens a lot. It doesn't mean it's good or bad, it just is. Emotionally you could be regressing. Trauma work acts funny like that.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by fadedstar

Okay so I swear I'm an adult chronologically at least but I went through a lot of abuse growing up and have PTSD from it along with what's likely organic based depression and anxiety. I had some horrible experiences with therapists and doctors in the past when I first started to get treatment so I became very reluctant to therapy to put it mildly.

Started seeing current T last year, older has seen everything, I can't shock her and realizes and acknowledges the absolute pile of crap I've been through.

I don't really want her to adopt me and go live in her house or anything but I find a little disconcerting that I almost see her in a way that I wish I had her as a parent.

Today she called me twice while sick apologizing for having to cancel on me. She sounded so bad I told her to go to bed and really kind of want to bring her like soup or something. I didn't ask if I could and wouldn't as I know that's crossing boundaries but the fact that I thought this worries me.

Like is this actually a normal response or is this just completely wrong?

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Completely normal for those of us with issues like you've had, just like me. I can totally relate. I've been lucky enough to work with an amazing therapist who has responded beautifully to my maternal transference and has come to serve a "good enough mother" role for me based on a concept by psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I want my t to adopt me! But I try not to think too much about it, otherwise I'd get sad.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I really want my T to be my mom. She is so kind and loving and caring. I care so much about her. I often think about what life would be like if she was my mom. Its totally normal to have these feelings. The downside is that it hurts to know you will never have your T as your parent.

[Restin]

I never had a mom, and the "subs" were neglectful, yet I'm getting into the good regression supposed to happen in therapy. I'm supposed to wish T could be the good mom, and supposed to feel sad I missed having one, but it's all confusing, and blank where something should be. When I was talking about this last week, T said that I need to grow a dependency on her in order to grow a natural independence from it.

So, you seem to be about at this stage, too. Good therapy welcomes and needs you to have the little child needs and wishes from T, and for a long time, to gradually fix what went wrong the first time. Just don't do what I did and put the cart before the horse, by focusing on fear of the end before I've even done the beginning and the middle. The transference will take it's natural course if I don't fight it. T said that if I ever, ever feel forced, I should tell her so she can back off.

There are good articles here on the forum about how all this works in therapy and what good therapists feel about it.

[divine1966]

I had students who wanted me to be their mom because they didn't have any. I support ( not financially of course but by mentoring) few of my former students so they aren't children anymore yet still see me as a sub for moms they didn't have or had abusive ones. I don't encourage transference but to all honesty I am always there when they need something and their moms weren't. So I think the way you feel is normal. As long as it doesn't interfere with your life in any major way.

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[precaryous]

I feel like that with my T and she is only eight years older. It concerned me, too. She was awesome when I told her- she told me she felt honored to be in that role for me and said, "I don't want you to worry a bit about that."

I have to watch, though. I get tempted to try to "take care" of her.

[fadedstar]

That's part of the issue, I never really dealt with a lot of this "early stuff" and am starting to so its a little frightening

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I feel like I'd like to take care of my T too. I don't really know what that is about

[musinglizzy]

I have found myself somewhat giving my T advice myself. It makes me feel better.... she was having teenage daughter issues....and I know how a parent can feel when their kid is having a hard time emotionally. She will listen, then direct things back to me, which I completely accept and understand. I just like feeling helpful too. I don't think of my T as a mother figure per se, I don't think....and I've told her that. But I do care a great deal for her, and no matter what happens, or how hurt I may feel sometimes, I always will.