Scheduled an appointment to see old T again.

So everyone is saying this is a bad idea...and I have my own views on why it might be bad. But what is the worst thing that could happen? It's not like we're gonna have sex or anything (even if I wanted to), because he already said he won't do it. I think he is all talk. How can it be even worse than it was before? If anything, I thought this break would make both of our heads clearer. Am I just being foolish? I have this belief that not everyone is ALL bad...

He may not be ALL bad; I have no idea, but he IS all bad for you. You are going into this simply to satisfy a need to be around this therapist. I have not seen you post anything indicating that you are feeling a need to return to therapy to work on your issues. If you really want to work on yourself in therapy, get away from the drama of this unethical therapist and find an ethical therapist who can get you refocused on you and moving forward. It just doesn't at all seem like your motivation for going back has anything to do with anything except that you seem to get something out of the drama of that relationship. Doesn't seem like that has any potential for improving your life in any way. You are basically willingly walking back into an abusive relationship. What would you say to a friend who you could see was going back into a situation that was clearly damaging in the past and will probably repeat itself?

I don't know if it's the worst, but one harmful thing that could happen is that you focus on your relationship with your therapist and trying to get him to validate your worth instead of finding fulfillment in your real life. Sacrificing more months/years of your life in a fruitless pursuit is pretty damaging, though it might not seem like it when the excitement of it overshadows the reality.

The worst is probably that he strings you along, makes you think you're responsible for whatever pain this relationship brings you, and leaves you feeling hollow, devastated and mistrusting of any other relationship.

I hope you reconsider, but it sounds like you have made up your mind.

Yes, you are being foolish*

It's not that he is 'all bad'. But what good can he possible do for you? Your dynamic means it's not possible for him to be your therapist. Not in the true sense of the word.

So what do you want from him? To repair your relationship? Ok, so say you both talk and sort it out, and resolve things - what next?

*caveat - telling you you're foolish seems pretty harsh, but I know because I've been there - it takes one to know one! Hugs.

he might not be ALL bad but his good part might not extend to therapy. Maybe it can't get more damaging but what will you gain?

He already said he won't have sex...what if he changes his mind? What would you do?

There are other types of harm/boundary violations he can cause. We already know his boundaries are loose...why take the chance?

How can it be worse? You already have issues to take to therapy....what would be worse- what if he did not help you with those issues...and yet...gave you even more issues to unravel?

What would be worse- wasting any more of your time with him.

He can be easy to talk to...that doesn't make him an effective therapist.

I agree with those who say if you do see him....state the boundaries and dynamics up front.

Well, I mostly agree with everyone that says it's a bad idea to go back... but I understand where you're coming from... I am your kind of crazy i.e. I would totally go back for more myself.

Since you are going back to this *** ****er... I would definitely ask him about the "**** you nasty" comment! Why? Just for fun. Just to see his reaction. I would just say something along the lines of "I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me, about how you would **** me nasty. What did you mean by that? I was hoping you could elaborate."

Went back for more, myself. It didn't go anyplace good. =\

Yep, it's a bad idea, for more reasons than I'm even going to bother to count. But you're an adult. Go ahead. Knock yourself out.

I think you know deep down it is not a good idea. You can do therapy with a 'new' T and having to re-tell one's story should not be what holds anyone back. At least you would be doing therapy.

You (both) are not engaged in therapy but a sort of macabre dance where he leads you on and messes you up. And you are going because you like the thrill. It is a dangerous game you're playing. Please revisit your threads where you write about how much he/his words or actions have hurt you and left you heartbroken and confused. Is the thrill worth the pain? Do you really believe this is the best you can get, by going back to this man?

I strongly advise against going down this same road as, as things stand, it seems unlikely things would be any better. Still, it is your life and your decision. This decision is however, reminiscent of an abusee going back to their abuser...all the while making excuses for them (i.e. the abuser). Nothing good comes out of flirting with danger... You seem to have made up your mind anyway.

You seem to have made up your mind to go back to him so I doubt anything posted here will convince you otherwise. I just wonder what you will get out of meeting with him. You didn't really accomplish much before and ended up focusing on any attraction between you. Why do you think it will be different now?

It is an exciting dance.

I vote for a different hobby.

I don't know. The distance has brought some definite perspective. But also, I just wanted someone familiar to talk about "life" stuff. There's a few things that have happened since we parted. And also I'm going back to school in three weeks for the first time since 2008, so I wanted to talk that over with him, as well.

But really the worst part is that sometimes the things I think and do most people think are crazy. I feel like I'm making myself look worse here by posting. Of course no person of sound mind would agree with me going back to see him. I can't be the only self-destructive person on these forums, but for some reason it's feeling that way.

I think the majority of us here understand the urge to do destructive things. I bet most of us have been there many times. Thus, we are all also aware that the only way to stop doing destructive things.. is to stop doing destructive things.

youre def not the only self destructive person on this forum. i can see why it might feel that way because of how people are reacting. i was a master of self destruction and sabotage. anyway, i think the thing is that people here want to empower others and support them and this just isnt something that many will say yes you should do this since a lot of us have been reading your threads about this T for a while now and have seen how it tears you up. i guess it just hurts to see someone do this to themselves and we feel a need to take action and talk them out of it, like thats the duty we have. but in the end this is your choice and your life and its up to you about what you want to do with the time you have here.

The worst thing that could happen is what has already happened. And you walked away from that because YOU realized -
There was no therapy going on
You were being hurt
You were being harmed
You weren't going to get what you thought you wanted
You were really tired of the drama

Now that you've had a break, you're all ready for more of that bullsh!t?

Please. You have always struck me as an intelligent woman. Going back to this sad, disgusting excuse of a therapist is beneath you.

You deserve so much more. Is it that your life is so boring and dull right now that you need the drama?

Think again.
Pam

Maybe not the same thing, but i an wondering about seeing my old pdoc to tal abot my mothers passing. We spent 3 years "together" - i thought shed never leave. I just wonder what unfinished business i left there. I need to livemy life in rewind.

Seeing him is continuing this never ending circle of obsession which leads to nowhere.

I don't even know any Men who think it's ok to speak like this to women let alone therapist to a client. And this is guy is what 70 years old?
Agree with others it is a bad idea

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You are definitely not the only self destructive person here. We are just seeing your situation from an outsiders point of view, which always gives more clarity than when you're in it. It's one thing to have an urge to go back and another to give into the urge. No one is judging you, I just think a lot of us react strongly because we know how hard it was for you to finally leave this T. Maybe you are excited from his reaction to your text since now know he wants to see you again. Of course he would...why wouldn't he want to see you?? The power is all yours and the question really is - why would you want to see him? Maybe it's the safety in the knowing you can only go so far with this relationship. Since he at least has physical boundaries in place, you can keep that dynamic going without suffering too much heartbreak. I Just think you are too smart and have much to offer. Wouldn't your energy better spent in real, productive relationships?

Odd person out as usual. NOT everybody is telling you not to go. A t is your t for life. Youve taken a break, you were seeing someone else, youre making some changes in your life. You dont sound to me like you want to pick up in the middle of where you left off, rather go from where you are now.

Imo, there is a lot of talking here about what happened in the past with him, and im not sure thats relevant. He knows your history, but one thing i have always appreciated about my t is his willingness to believe that my past doesnt necessarily define my future - my choices in the present do.

The posts here don't focus on her past so much as the T's past behavior with her as a clienr, which was inappropriate to say the least. His comment about how he'd "**** her nasty" aside, I believe the biggest issue was the OPs attraction to him and how this T seemed to get off on it. I can't recall much, if any actual therapy going on. I also think the OP has another T (or at least did at the time) who was somewhat helpful to her, so you have to wonder what this T has to offer that is of any value now when he didn't have anything a few months ago. It's like an in again/ off again relationships that goes nowhere productive but feeds the ego and adds enough drama to keep us interested. A T does not need to be your T for life, especially when there are so many of them out there.

If I went to a dentist who in the past did a pretty poor job on my teeth but time has passed would I expect him to be doing his dental work any differently?