got angry with current therapist

So I haven't been on for several weeks. There's been a **** ton of stuff going on. A few days ago. I emailed my therapist and asked for a last minute session. Why? Well because I know when folks feel they need to talk quickly, they do that. I've heard in many cases how other therapists will cancel someone else if the person is in serious need. So I messaged her and told her my mother is in the hospital. If you know my history on this site you know I have severe mother issues and a crappy relationship with this woman.

So I had all these conflicting feelings and thoughts and emailed. She gets back and tells me she had nothing for me and told me why (shes moving her offices, she's going out of town with her husband, tons of clients crammed in every day, yadda yadda yadda). This woman is always crammed full of clients which is excellent for her. But it's crap usually if you need an appt. So I kind of went off and wrote...."You know I don't see myself as a needy client, but I'm slightly pissed off right now.
At any rate, I'll handle my business and see you on the next available ....."

So anyway, she responded back with how she was trying to assist me and all that, but it wasn't possible. I knew I was out of line, so I apologized.
I'm really fed up with EVERYTHING in my life right now. and I took it out on her. I've never done that with a therapist before. I feel slightly bad, but I'm still annoyed she didn't just cancel someone else to see me. I have never been an *** about her schedules. I get in when I can get it, but this time, I needed a little coddling. pisses me off.

I'm so sorry things are in an uproar for you right now. I know how hard it is to have a family member hospitalized when you don't have the best relationship with that individual. It does cause a lot of turmoil and mixed up feelings. I wish your therapist had the time to give you an extra session. I know that that can be comforting and a wonderful place to air all those mixed up feelings.

I will say, however, that no therapist I have ever seen has ever cancelled another client to fit me in. In fact, all the therapists I felt good about in regard to their skills made an extra effort to see that a client's session time was "their" time. I've gone to sessions and had to wait extra time due to a client in her office having a melt down, but I've never been told I had to be cancelled because of another client's crisis. I have asked for an extra session and my therapist would work things so I got it--later in the evening or early morning slot.

I hope you and your therapist can work this out. I do think that some therapists over extend themselves with their caseload, but in these fiscal times, I do understand why they do that--although it doesn't make it easy on the client when they are in serious need!

I've never known a therapist to cancel another client either. Fit me in if there's a slot, do a phone call, etc., but not cancel someone else.

I have never had a therapist cancel someone else to schedule with me and as far as I know, has never cancelled on me to fit in someone else.

I think it is perfectly fine to be angry about not getting something you want - regardless of whether what was wanted is something that someone else is able to give or not. I see them as two different ideas.

I agree that I've never had a therapist cancel someone else for me even when I've been really struggling. I have had a therapist call me to chat for a few minutes if I was in crisis. That has only happened twice in five years.

I've never had a therapist cancel on someone else to see me either. Honestly, I wouldn't like if they did that because it would mean one day they might cancel on me to see someone else.

First off, I am sorry to see you are going through a bad time. I would be upset that she could not at least talk wiith me on the phone for a few minutes to help me but I would never expect her to cxl with another patient to see me. I would be really upset if my therapist called and said I need to cancel your appt for another patient. My father is going in for open heart end of the month. I am very close with him. I lost my mom two years ago. So I am in a bad spot. How could she really tell which would be a good session to cancel. What if the people that are scheduled are really in need of their session just as you are and what if she called you and cxl your session for another patient?

It's a bit harsh to expect her to cancel anyone else and be angry that she couldn't. Granted, you're going through a tough patch but her other clients also expect to be seen at their usual/booked slot. Ask yourself how it would feel if she ever cancelled you if one of her clients seemingly needed her more. I am glad she kept her cool in her reply to you but it would not be very ethical to cancel someone else for you. She tried to accommodate but couldn't. Seems she's a good T.

I'm very sorry for what you're going through right now and it's too bad your therapist couldn't find a way to fit you into her schedule. There's really nothing a T can do if they are booked other than work in their off hours, which isn't always an option. What they don't ever do is cancel another client outright to accommodate someone else. They might try to move appointments or squeeze you in for a shorter appointment but those are the only appropriate options.

I understand your anger. You're in a tough situation. There's nothing wrong with wanting what you want. It's good that you're honest with yourself about it. It's your job to advocate for yourself, and her job to maintain her boundaries and professionalism. I don't think you went overboard in communicating with her, telling her you were pissed shouldn't be shocking to her as a therapist. I think we've all wanted things that weren't fair at one time or another.

I'm sorry she couldn't fit you in. That's got to hurt.

I do have to say that, as someone who was sent away (during an intense family crisis) because my therapist double booked and the other person had been scheduled months earlier, long before it became my regular time slot, I would never want anyone to be cancelled to fit someone else in. It's beyond rejecting. Yes, you're hurting, but there's no way to know what those other clients are also going through.

It's too bad that she couldn't at least spend some time on the phone with you. If she is otherwise a good therapist for you, I would tend to believe that she's under a lot of stress herself.

This is a trigger point for me, since something similar happened in my own therapy last year. I had a crisis, and T wasn't able to offer me an appointment. It was really rejecting

It comes down to this. Therapists expect to be trusted. Therapists expect us to be able to count on them as supports. If we're not trusting or open enough, they point it out, keep bringing it up, and we're expected to work on it.

YET - when we learn to rely on them, and count on them, we expect them to be there for us in crisis. Sometimes it's a crisis caused by what comes out in therapy. IMO, she should have offered an evening appointment, or early appointment, or at a minimum, a phone call. Crisis appointments are part of their job, and they shouldn't ever be so booked that they have to turn someone away in need. Do you have a history of rejection? If so, any rejection can be really triggering.

I don't agree that she should cancel someone else's appointment to fit you in. That's definitely rejecting and hurtful to the one getting cancelled.

It is upsetting she couldn't see you for emergency appointment. Sorry

But I think it is rather strange to ask or even expect or hope for a t to cancel other clients in order to see you? As important as your issues are other people's issues are as important.

My mother is battling cancer and at times things are very bad but I never thought t should cancel on clients whose mothers do not have cancer so she can see me.



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Its reenacting the abandonment though - thats what gets a person upset. If a person (not mentioning any names here, but as we used to say when we were kids: could her initials be "hankster"? ) As i was saying before i so rudely interrupted myself, if one hasnt worked out the transference, one sees the ts abandonment as a reenactment of a childtime abandonment? Like i personally cant believe my t still went overseas the day of my mothers funeral. So much for all THOSE rescue fantasies. Its taking me a while to come back down to earth from the extreme heat and extreme socializing (not sure which was worse), but now i can see again who i am and what work we do together and that hasnt changed. Its just on hold a while, and my plans for his break are still what they were. I need to not stray from that, not lose myself like i always did when she called.

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OK I should not have said she should cancel someone else. I would not actually ask her to do that. But I've heard a few people say, they have called their therapists and said "I need to see you immediately" and they made the time. I don't know how they made the time, but they made the time. My assumption was that they cancelled someone. I don't know, maybe the did something else. I try not to be callous, so having a therapist cancel for someone else would suck. But I think if my therapist explained that a client was in dire need, I would be cool with it. She's gotten busier since I began seeing her when I landed in Houston in Jan. of 2014. Hell I've referred a few folks to her.

I like my therapist very much she's a mother figure... you know... if my mom had been caucasian ... and a cool person to be around. However, it bugs the crap out of me how busy her schedule has become. I'm happy her business is good, but there's a downside. I would look for someone whos more available, but I don't want to break in a new one and I don't know if I'm even going to stay in the area. If I don't get a professional job soon, I may go back to So. Cal.

My therapist has managed to find a way to see me. Sometimes it wasn't till the next day - but even a few times when she really didn't have the ability to find a spot for me, she has always offered a phone session. I think the deal is that my therapist runs a county agency and only has a handful of clients. So she doesn't have a full schedule of people having crisis. I am really grateful that it worked like that in my situation.

Honestly if a therapist cancelled on me for someone else I'd probably stop seeing that therapist. I have major self worth issues and one of my things is that I don't feel I deserve treatment. (Yes my T is aware of this)

In emergency times I've gotten calls or squeezed in but never had someone cancelled to give me an extra slot.

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[QUOTE=Onyx999;4589876]. . . . I like my therapist. . . QUOTE]

I think this part of what you said is important. You like this therapist, you have been with her for a while and have done some important work with her. She's worth staying with!

That said, you might really benefit from letting her know how much she let you down when you were vulnerable at your next session. Tell her about the feelings of being forgotten, abandoned, let down. These are important themes in therapy and the times when we make the most progress in therapy is when we talk about the feelings right when or after we've experienced them. It might also help to talk to her about how you and she could make a plan to deal with the feelings more effectively NEXT time they happen. For example, you might say to her, "I get it that you didn't have a lot of time to squeeze me in due to work issues and home issues, but if this was ever to happen again, could we agree to make plans to have a 15-20 minute phone conversation to just give me some support? Or maybe next time we could plan a session to touch base early in the morning or late afternoon." Brainstorm with her ways to deal with a crisis if it should happen again.

I hope you and she can work this out to both your satisfaction. Oh! One more thing, if you're anything like me, you might be tempted to just let this slide because you've vented and you really like your therapist and you start to think, "Oh, heck, just let it go. It's over with and I don't want to seem ungrateful." Please try not to do that! It really and truly is better to get it out in the open and talk about it. It's hard to do when you're in the midst of an emotional upheaval, and often it's hard to talk about once the moment is past, but the best time to deal with it is directly after the incident when you can talk about it rationally and clearly. Good luck!

I was going to bring it up and apologize but also explain to her why I got annoyed and what my expectations were. I do think however that Jaybird has a very good point. I will let her know how it felt and why. And ask if there is something we can work out if it happens again.