What would you make of this?

My t has never said that she cares about me or loves me, like some other ts seem to do (I'm not actually sure how common it is, but I've noticed on this forum that quite a few ts have). I would like to hear it, but am aware there are some difficulties and risks that go along with ts saying it.

The other day, my t said something that's got me thinking. She said, indirectly, that she cared about my welfare. I was kind of disappointed that she said that instead of saying she cared about me.

Why did she she it in this way? Is she being cautious or distant or just stating her truth? I'm confused and strangely a little unhappy about it.

Twf:

I think what might be important top point out here the difference between the two statements.

"I care about you" being used as a general, I care about the person you are and have some form of love for you
Vs.
"I care about your welfare" being a more specific, I care that you are not doing well or am worried for you and your safety.
Note that she may feel both ways, but chose to say it this way to express a level of concern. I apologize, but I haven't been keeping up with your story as I've been on so sporadically, are you in a state where she might have reason to worry about you?

I agree. I find that statement actually very specific and caring.

If you're looking to replicate what you read here, you're always gonna be left wanting.
You have to feel the care in therapy. Caring about your welfare is much more 'real' than 'I love you'.

I would like it if someone cared about my welfare, and it wouldn't bother me one bit if they phrased it that way.

The therapist I had before the one I see now said that she cared, but added that she didn't want to make it personal. Trust me, you don't want to hear anything like that. From anyone.

As for some of the things reported on pc, you might note that those often evolve (or devolve) into relationships that cause a lot of pain and suffering to the individual.

I think caring about your welfare means she *does* care about you. If you don't care about someone, then you don't care about their welfare. And I've found that it's more about what you feel from a T than what the T says. At one point, I did want to hear "I care about you" or "I love you" (hey, I'd still take it!) from T and marriage counselor. But now I realize that I can see caring and maybe love in their eyes and in the way they talk to me.

Some T's (mine included) have their own boundaries about telling clients that they love them. Some may also not want to say "I care about you." But that doesn't mean they don't.

I can only speak as a professional here. I care about many of my students and some I can say I love ( I teach spec Ed at a high school so I spent significant amount of time and energy with my case load anywhere between 4 to 6 years so I develop close connections that often last way past their graduation). I

I often tell them I care about their well being or their success or them being well or them whatever. I often have to in order to get them on a tight track.

But I do not say directly "I care about YOU or certainly not I love you. It doesn't mean I don't feel it

First of all it could be misinterpreted and could cause variety of problems. Some of my students are motherless and I am very motherly and affectionate by nature so they get so attached that they can't function without depending on me after they graduate. Overall I just need to think what I say

Bottom line t is a professional doing her job. If she didn't care she wouldn't be doing it. But still she is your t not a friend or family so she needs to be careful with what she says. One word could cause emotional damage to those we are taking care of but could also cause her professional problems

My t doesn't say she cares but I know she cares

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I do think what she says shows care, but I also understand your feelings around it.

I would probably just ask her.

When I wanted to know if my T cared about me, I did.

It wasn't the easiest, isn't the easiest to ask such things, but... it does provide a clarity that can't be had otherwise.

Sometimes my T says "of course I care about you" but I don't begrudge myself for wanting to hear the words on occasion.

Leah's comment about her therapist saying "Of course..." made me think of a recent conversation in which my therapist made what I thought was a vague comment. I asked if it meant X. She looked taken aback and said, "Yes, of course! I thought that was a given." It makes me think some of us are just not very good at picking up signs that someone cares or that we matter.

Well, I'm not sure if it's about not being good at something. I think it's about the value of language. I'm a writer, professional writer. To me, words matter a great deal. It's like being married.... we can have all the things that go along, but that "I do" is still remarkably special.

And who wants to have a romantic partner that never ever says I love you?

Some might, I don't. I can take in caring multiple ways, I appreciate actions and words.

I think perhaps, rather than us not being good at taking it in, that therapists are used to being restrained, not verbalizing certain things, which I understand. After all, paying someone an hour a week does not necessitate them caring about us personally. The expertise and commitment is paid for, the feeling of caring is extra. And I do believe the caring and whatever else is there in any given relationship develops over time.

My husband loves me dearly. But he did not on the first day we met. That love grew. Same with my therapist.

(I do agree that some of us don't have sense that we matter and have trouble internalizing caring, I just think it's separate from wanting things to be spoken.)

Why not ask her? I wouldn't go at it directly at first, but I would suggest saying something like "I care a lot about you and wonder sometimes how you feel about me."

I understand wanting your T to say they care or that they love you. Some T's (Including mine) can't or won't say "I love you". My T says that saying "I love you" is for her personal life but we came up with saying "I have love for you" to fit both of our needs and I love it. Its our special way to say it. She always tells me she cares. Even if she didn't say she cared I can see it in her actions and how she talks to me and the little things she does (like moving my water closer to me so I could reach it).

Your T does care about you because she said she cares about your welfare.

I have been seeing my T for over a year and he has said neither of those things. But I think that his attention and certain words or actions show that he does care--when I get in a bad place sometimes I start to feel like he doesn't care at all, and I remind myself of these things that demonstrate that he does. OP, maybe you could try thinking of what caring actions or words your T has made towards you?

I guess I have been in a bad place recently, it's passing but I was really down for a while, and maybe this had something to do with it. I was talking about how much of a burden I feel to her and my MH nurse, so that could make sense of what she was saying. Hmm?

Idk. See I believe caring about my welfare is different to caring about me because I see caring about my welfare is part of her job as a t, whereas caring about me is moreipersonal to me. I do get the problems and risks that may arise if a t said this. I suppose I guessed it was a cautious statement, but wasn't sure whether it was a meaningful statement.

Thanks for your response, Leah. I just can't bring myself to ask. I would shake and cry and make it seem like a bigger deal than it is. I'm not good with that level of vulnerability.

Yeah, I really struggle with figuring that out!

Good suggestion, I just find it hard to comprehend that someone I care about cares about me.

I never had a T saying I care for you or I love you. I wouldn't want a T telling me She loves me. I don't love my T. I like her a lot and I think she's a really good T. And I might be a bit attached to her. I do would like to hear that she cares about me or that she likes me.

My T has never said she loves me or even cares about me. However, we have a great relationship and she goes way above an beyond. I know she cares buy her behaviors. Honestly, I think it would make me uneasy if she did say she loves me. I think I would be analyzing it. Also I have issues with being abandoned by people who love me so when our therapeutic relationship ended it would be difficult

Everyone is loveable. I bet you misinterpreted because that would be the last thing I could ever see a shrink saying. You need to confront her on that! Anyways, everyone is loveable. I've always fallen in love with some of the last people Id expect... Plus you can totally experience heartbreak without being loved. Unrequited love is probably the most heartbreaking kind and almost everyone I know has felt that!

Can you please explain what it is I need to confront t about? I'm not good at confronting anyone, but am interested in your thoughts. Thanks, Petra!

I have a feeling Petra Posted on a wrong thread as I can't imagine what's there to confront about

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Sorry I think I posted in the wrong thread. Sometimes I start a reply then do something else and get logged out, so I copy what I wrote and log back in... Long story I remember this reply meant it for a poster who said their T told them they were unloveable...

Your T isn't supposed to care about you. I would think mine was incompetent if she did.

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