My psychologist said that he felt more connected to me...but

You had a thread that you started on the BPD forum about psychosis and this is what you said about yourself:

- i dont think the world is real
- there are other people in my head
- i feel like other people are in control of me
- i hear whispering and it scares me
- i think the doctors at the hospital are evil and want to hurt me
- i thought my family was replaced by doubles
- there is something watching me
- there are demons everywhere
- i cant get my head to stop
- i cant focus
- i cant talk (i wrote the stuff down for him).
And some other stuff but it is long.

That very much sounds like psychosis and it sound like you recognize those kinds of things aren't in the realm of reality. There is treatment that could help with these kinds of symptoms. I just don't know what else to tell you but that you need to be open with your psychiatrist and therapist about these things and work for finding a treatment that will give you some peace in your life.

hey, it sucks to hide in fear. you are obviously in a lot of pain. so far not telling anyone hasn't really worked out? i know the suffering of dealing with this alone. and doing that can exacerbate your symptoms and make them more magnified. for me it helped to talk about it. maybe start there. just talk about it to your T. you dont have to try meds yet.

as far as having your rights taken away , this is in most all cases not true. i have my rights, i rent my own apartment, i have a job, and i go to school. people with this illness don't lose their rights until they've crossed a line. which id like to say is what CAN happen if you choose to just live with this by yourself for too long

I asked that because of what my psychiatrist said not because i believe the word to be true i wanted to know what other people thought so i knew what it would look like to other people i know that not everyone experiences things the same way i do but i dont believe in the word normal either.

That isnt true they nearly court ordered me which would mean i wouldnt be allowed to travel or do certain jobs in the future.

To answer your question: The way it look to others is that you need immediate medical attention. Please follow through

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So get treatment voluntarily . . . I have been in the hospital voluntarily many times. I am allowed to travel and it has not affected my career whatsoever. You can voluntarily ask for help, assist in your treatment, etc. I hope you will find a way to do so.

do you live in the United States? on xmas eve 2012 my T called the police on me and they came to my apartment and took me to a psych ward. and that happened because i lost control, i was hoarding my meds , i wasnt being responsible.

ive held my job for almost 1.5 yrs now, nothing ever came up about it. They cannot see your mental health records because that is illegal. im just trying to show you that its not going to ruin your life having an illness.

No i live in Australia and one of the places you arent allowed to travel to if you get court ordered is the US. I have had the police called on me before and i have been to the hospital 4 times but i am not allowed to tell them things when i get there because they will hurt me.

How will they hurt you? Who is "they"? Is there anyone who won’t hurt you?

You seem to believe that it is many people's intention to hurt you. I doubt that's the case. There are "evil" people in this world, but the major of people don't care enough to continuously hurt others on purpose. The there are also a lot of good people in the world.

I really think you need a higher level of care than what you are receiving. The fact you're hiding things from your T and doctors shows that you know something isn't right. If you thought it was "normal" there would be nothing to hide.

the they is the doctors at the hospital the medicine will hurt me. There are people who wont hurt me but it is moslty the doctors that will hurt me. I dont believe the word normal exists i know well it seems like other people arent experiencing this because they dont seem to get scared of the same things but i watch people a lot because then i know better what they are doing so i know if things are safe or not. What exactly do you mean by a higher level of care? Do you mean like i should see my psychologist more often or something esle i am not sure.

Ugh sorry the thing changed

Over the years I had several colleagues who had to go on leave due to mental breakdown (including hospital stay) .

They got better, got different or adjusted Meds and came back. They didn't lose their job or their license. And no one ever judged. As long as one takes care of their mental health one should be able to continue normal life. It doesn't have to ruin your life.

On the other hand if you continue doing nothing about it you might get worse and then it will be a different story

Yes "normal" is subjective but what you described goes beyond having little quirks

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It's just my opinion, but I doubt you have been properly diagnosed since you don't tell your doctors about your delusional thoughts. I'm not even going to try to guess at a diagnosis, it's not my place. But delusions and hallucinations don't usually occur in the diagnoses you have. Some people with BPD suffer from paranoid thinking, but not to the degree you do. But BPD is often misdiagnosed. A lot of people who have been diagnosed with BPD actually suffer from BP, and if I'm not mistaken, some types of BP do have delusions. And your OCD may or may not be OCD. If it's the voices in your head telling you to do the things that seem like OCD, then it's probably not OCD.

You shouldn't be ashamed for what you're suffering with. A lot of disorders can be treated with medication... You don't have to suffer this way if you don't want to. I just think you need more treatment than therapy right now. I highly suggest a Pdoc. And maybe to help you start treatment, hospitalization. But nothing will help if you're not ho est with people.

And I doubt medication or doctors are going to hurt you. As you say, it comes from the voices in your head which goes against common sense and they clear do not have your best interest.

In the end, it's really up to you. We here can give you support and advice, but if you really want help you're going to need to be honest with your doctors.

I never said I had any quirks I am a little confused.

Ok I should clarify there is more than one voice the OCD isn't the same one that says to not trust the doctors because they will hurt me that one is different the OCD tells me to stay away from them because if I get rid of it then bad things will happen. Also I have recently told my psychologist about things that happened in the past with this I just haven't told him some of it is still happening and that there is other stuff happening too but he does know some of it and he and my psychiatrist already said they think there is something else going on as well as the other things I have but they are pretty sure that I do have what I have already listed. I have been trying to tell them more in the last few weeks I just haven't told them everything but there is A LOT and it is so difficult to explain half the time I just simply can't be bothered regardless of if I want to or if something is telling me not to.

I know you didn't. Maybe I didn't express myself well. I just meant what you described needs medical attention. It is not just unique ways of seeing things etc

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Oh ok i well i dont know i dont really see anything that wrong with it other than it upsets me but i still feel like if someone told me they were experiencing the same thing i was i would believe them because there is no real reason that it couldnt happen.

I am not saying it's not real or can't happen. I am not a doctor. But The fact that it upsets you means it's bad enough to be addressed. If it was all ok it wouldn't bother you. I worry about it getting worse if goes untreated

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But what if it isnt a medical problem?

Like how does one know for sure if it is one thing or the other because it could just be the demons.

My dear, there are no demons. They don't exist. Please speak to your doctors about this, because if you don't I'm afraid it will just get worse. I have read this whole thread and I'm really worried about you.

The "demons" only exist inside your head, and they are there because you have a mental illness that has led to a psychosis. Now, I know you object to that word, for some reason, but it's not a bad word. It's a clinical term, and once a psychosis has been identified it can be treated properly, thus relieving the person suffering from it of their mental anguish. Don't you want that for yourself? Because I certainly want it for you, and I'm sure everyone else on this forum feels the same way. Getting help is not going to harm you, I swear.

I wish I could take you to the doctor myself, and make sure you get the help you need and deserve, but alas I live on the other side of the world. Do you have someone who could go with you, to make you feel less scared?

A mental health diagnosis isn't a menacing stamp of doom - in fact it is the very opposite of that. It is more like a protective shield, or an umbrella, or something; a diagnosis is the first step on the path to recovery. There are no demons, and there are no evil doctors who want to harm you; that is your illness talking. Please don't let your illness continue to ruin your life, because your life is way too precious for that.

But i can feel them there and what like how can you prove they dont exist and there are bad doctors i am not saying all of them are but there are some that are bad. And the "treatment" will harm me i know it will i cant do it they just want me to do what they want it is a way of controlling me. It isnt safe i cant trust them. I want to feel better but i cant do it that way that way will make me feel worse it will just dull me until i can no longer notice what is happening I cant that would be very bad i am sorry i dont feel good i am tired.

This is your illness speaking. Delusions, paranoia and fear.

I know you don't feel good. How can you, what you describe sounds awful. You do not need to apologize. I'm so sorry you feel this way.

How can you know that the things aren't happening though especially when there is evidence to say the stuff is happening. I just I don't know anymore I everything my head won't stop I I don't think know what to do.

You believe that things that are real aren't and you believe things that are totally unreal are real . That is very much a medical problem. Please seek help

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