[angelicgoldfish05]

couldn't figure out how to delete the whole thread so....

I am so sorry.

I have been through every type of abuse there is, but the abandonment/betrayal/abuse of a therapist is like nothing else i have experienced and has left pain and scars like nothing else I have known. I hope you can find peace somehow. I do relate to the feelings you describe.

[divine1966]

I forgot if you said you currently have a t. I hope there is someone you can talk to about it. It sounds as your life is not moving forward because of this obsession. Sorry you are in so much pain

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I'm sorry too Angelic. I never heard of a therapist hurting a client so much. They are supposed to help you not hurt you. I can't imagine. This is so terrible. Please hold yourself together and be ok.


This sounds like going to a police officer for help and they rob you.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Hey, did you share your story here of what happened? It really helped me to get feedback,

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

Hey, did you share your story here of what happened? It really helped me to get feedback,

She did. It should be there in old posts

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[angelicgoldfish05]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

Hey, did you share your story here of what happened? It really helped me to get feedback,

It's true, I did. And it did help to hear from others about it. Although I don't need anyone else to tell me that I'm crazy and that he is gone because of it. If I were not crazy, he would not have just up and abandoned me.

Last email he wrote I had been telling him about how I felt doomed - like my situation would never get better (I had just been fired from my job). He said that he could not accept doomed. He said he had known people who were terminally ill that still had a good outlook on life. I wrote back and asked him if he had a terminal illness. I never heard from him again.

I have picked everything apart a lot and tried to analyze it of course. So I wonder if he saw that as a narcissistic thing of me to ask (like I would not ask that if I were not a narcissist b/c of projection or something) and so he ran. Like I was the most repulsive thing ever to him (in my mind, narcissism is pretty repulsive, sorry - but only as it relates to me... if it is someone else, I look at how that was formed in their life and am much more understanding about it). I doubt he could see that I was just trying to know him, have a relationship with him, and learn anything about him and his life. Well anyways, I still wonder... Why that email? Why stop communicating then? What did I do that made him go away? What could I do to bring him back?

The other thing I worried about is if he did have a terminal illness and couldn't tell me. So then I worried about that and I guess I will not know now. He did tell me once he had cholesterol issues and that they were genetic and there was nothing he could do about it. So I was already concerned about his heart health. I've thought about his health a lot and prayed for him and his health and his heart. Most recently, I've wanted to send him a care box with oatmeal and "heart health" tea (has hawthorn berries, is an herbal tea) in it. I think about doing that often, or some other gesture of love, or whatnot. But I know I can't anymore. I hope he is okay.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I forgot if you said you currently have a t. I hope there is someone you can talk to about it. It sounds as your life is not moving forward because of this obsession. Sorry you are in so much pain

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I need a new t. The one I was seeing says I have a clean bill of health and we can terminate. My life is not completely stalled - it has moved forward. Just hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes that he is gone. And it hurts so much. And I don't know what to do with the pain. So I get angry and post a dumb post, instead of bawl my eyes out. Thanks for your support divine1966. Hope things are going well for you.

[divine1966]

Please keep posted. Nothing dumb about it. Gee she said you don't need therapy anymore? I had a t once who insisted I am 100% ok and didn't need therapy. Oh please.

Your ex t doesn't have illness. He was talking about people with illness as to encourage you. That makes sense

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[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by angelicgoldfish05

I need a new t. The one I was seeing says I have a clean bill of health and we can terminate. My life is not completely stalled - it has moved forward. Just hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes that he is gone. And it hurts so much. And I don't know what to do with the pain. So I get angry and post a dumb post, instead of bawl my eyes out. Thanks for your support divine1966. Hope things are going well for you.

Your new one has decided you're "better"? Ouch. How do you feel about that?

[AnxietyMaster]

Originally Posted by angelicgoldfish05

I need a new t. The one I was seeing says I have a clean bill of health and we can terminate. And I don't know what to do with the pain. So I get angry and post a dumb post, instead of bawl my eyes out.

Don't let someone else decide when you need to terminate! That's crazy! None of your posts are dumb! Have you seen some of the things I have posted ! You should be able to come on here and rant and rave and receive support for that! Nothing dumb about it