[x123]

In the past week or so, I've noticed that when I see facial images vaguely similar to my therapist's face that they trigger angry feelings toward myself. Thoughts might be something like "You are weak... She is becoming your mommy... etc."

I feel like the therapist is starting to understand my personality, but maybe part of me does not want to get that close to anybody? IRL I don't like to hug or be around emotional people.

I'm not sure why I am feeling anxious and disgusted with myself about the therapy. Something weird is going on.

Any advice?

EDIT: I wanted to add that the therapist does not hug me or get emotional. I just say things and she makes comments. I don't know why I am having these feelings of panic and disgust with myself. I believe she has a positive view of me that is not realistic and I can't live up to?

[Kat605]

I think it's normal to have back and forth feelings about how close you want to be towards your therapist as you start to get to know each other. Particularly if you've been emotionally hurt in past relationships it's hard to let yourself get close to a therapist. But it's your therapy and you always decide how you want that relationship to go.

[x123]

Originally Posted by Kat605

I think it's normal to have back and forth feelings about how close you want to be towards your therapist as you start to get to know each other. Particularly if you've been emotionally hurt in past relationships it's hard to let yourself get close to a therapist. But it's your therapy and you always decide how you want that relationship to go.

I've never been hurt emotionally that I can recall (other than the normal minor things).

I don't know if I should mention this to the therapist. I don't want her to feel that she is doing something wrong. On the other hand, it is a clue that might help somebody understand my issues. On the third hand (maybe on the foot?), I don't want to constantly throw-out new issues in therapy. It seems like I don't stick with any one issue.

[Leah123]

What you're describing is very common in my experience. And she may not see it as a new issue, but as part of the development of your therapeutic relationship, including some transference, which is part of the work in many cases, to learn through the way that you feel about her and about the process and about the closeness.

[x123]

Originally Posted by Leah123

What you're describing is very common in my experience. And she may not see it as a new issue, but as part of the development of your therapeutic relationship, including some transference, which is part of the work in many cases, to learn through the way that you feel about her and about the process and about the closeness.

Thanks The feeling kind of bother me, because I don't understand them. When I try to think about them, I get depressed, embarrassed, ... but I don't know what thought is causing the feelings. Even trying to read about transference on Wikipedia, caused these strange feelings. I suspect the feelings are trying to block conscious knowledge of something. IDK

[x123]

I'm thinking that the feelings are telling me I'm not ready to realize whatever painful idea they are hiding from me, so I should be happy that my feelings are keeping me safe for now. Eventually maybe my feelings will decide it is time and let me see whatever.