[MaybeYes]

What does trusting a T look like? Is it just opening up and telling them everything? I trust my T in a lot of ways like I know he won't judge me, I know he won't break confidentiality unless necessary, etc. It's just hard to open up all the way, I guess. I trust him with the information, talking just doesn't make me feel relieved or unburdened.

I also do a lot of push/pull stuff. When I stop doing that does that mean I trust him?

[unaluna]

I think there will come a time when you will be tested; you will have to make a decision. There might be little tests leading up to the big one. But when the big one comes, it will be like a fork in the road. It will be something you consciously do, not something you just fall into, or that you say "i probably do because of abc."

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I think trust looks like you don't question your T's intentions or actions and you know they are there for you and care and you can count on them without having any worry.

To me it means feeling comfortable to be 'me' with my T, knowing that I am accepted. I'm not there yet, but I hope to be there.

[aetheorist]

It's a lot of things, but for me, it's a sense of emotional safety; that you can be fully vulnerable, open and honest about things with the person, and they will not judge you, criticize you, abandon you, etc.

If the push/pull stops does that mean you trust him?
Some folks do the push/pull to see if they can trust the clinician, some do because they know they can.
When a person does the push/pull, I think it's very possible that all the while they do trust the clinician. Maybe not consciously, but it's still possible to consciously trust them, and do the push/pull at the same time. This is because the client knows he/she can push and pull, and this person will still be here, still supportive (hopefully). And maybe the client needs to engage in this behavior to replay a trauma or fulfill some kind of desired role on either/both sides; there's an infinite number of possible needs behind it.
That said, push/pull could also mean of course that the person doesn't trust the clinician, maybe in the process of trying to get there. It just depends on many factors.

[Soccer mom]

From a book called Running on Empty, it talks about how you think you can trust your T. but deep down you feel like you don't. I was in that boat. I couldn't pinpoint why I couldn't trust her. I knew she would show up at appts, keep confidentiality, etc. but the transference made me fear she would judge me.

I read a lot about trust and that it's a choice. One day you have to decide despite the fear that you will trust. You have to recognize that even if you get hurt, you can work through it with the other person. My T. and I had done that several times - worked through ruptures.

So, about a year into it I told her I'm going to trust her. I still have moments where I don't. I still worry she will judge me. But, most importantly, I trust that she will do what she thinks is best for me. I didn't have that with my mom. It was a huge relief.

[fadedstar]

It really takes a while, time and the right connection. My current T was probably at least the 9th I've seen and she's the only one I haven't fled from in six months or less. She gets that I'm pretty much traumatized and is extremely gentle with me except when she has to be firm for my own safety

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[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I think it means that you can listen and question in a constructive way. Ts are only people, although with a skill set that can help, so if you can have conversations you are on your way. Little steps.

Originally Posted by aetheorist

It's a lot of things, but for me, it's a sense of emotional safety; that you can be fully vulnerable, open and honest about things with the person, and they will not judge you, criticize you, abandon you, etc.

This and what Cinnamon stick wrote about being able to count on your T. Oh if I only could....but....I did and my T did a 180 degree turn around on me. He pretended to care, to listen to be there for me just to get my information to pass along to someone else!! Someone who was NOT a Therapist!! He broke my confidentiality, my trust in him and turned against me 100%. His actions cost me more than you can imagine, it cost me my reputation, it cost me enormous embarrassment and humiliation, countless sleepless nights, great emotional pain daily....and lots more but I can't go on.

I don't recommend trusting a T.

I also don't recommend trusting a therapist, at least not totally. I trusted my ex-therapist after about 3 years and then 4 years later he totally abandoned me in a very unethical and painful way. I think you should be careful always.

[Bipolar Warrior]

I think we just need to see therapists as people; some are nice and trustworthy, and some will stab you in the back, either for their own benefit or for some other equally disgusting reason. Some people are kind, and some people are cruel.

Unfortunately, it just so happens that a lot of us go to therapy to deal with personal struggles caused by people who have been cruel to us in the past. We need the therapist's office to be a safe haven, we need them to protect us, in a way, and so I understand why some would be extra cautious about trusting a therapist because it sort of feels like they hold a form of power over us. There is a significant imbalance there, in that they know so much about you and you know very little about them, and that can be troubling, I suppose.

There are a number of reasons as to why it could be hard to open up to a therapist, and sometimes it's because of the therapist and what sort of connection the client feels towards them. For example, I have no worries about talking to my therapist, because I don't have any particularly strong feelings towards her. She is a kind and empathetic person who listens to my problems and tries to help me work through them. It feels neutral, uncharged, so it doesn't feel risky in any way. However, my relationship with my academic mentor (trained psychotherapist) is very different; it is charged with feelings and transference, because she is the first person who has really seen me. She tells me that she worries about me, that she has "a lot of time and energy" for me, that she would be so proud of me if she was my mother, and that she feels like she has a special relationship with me. Because of this, there is now a whole new set of feelings that I'm afraid to talk to her about, because she means so much to me and I don't want to ruin it by telling her how I really feel about her. I hold a lot of things back in my sessions with her because I'm afraid to allow myself to open up about it. I'm really scared of these feelings, because I know that once I finish university my relationship with her will be over. So I hide things, because my rational self tells me that I cannot trust her fully. It's just her job to be nice to me.

So I have one therapist that I trust, and one that I love. The latter is the one who has helped me the most, because she has helped me identify my destructive scripts, and she has somehow managed to unlock the cage where my inner bully has kept my pathetic emotional self prisoner for so many years, and as a result of that I am now able to feel other things than self-hatred. But I am so afraid to trust her completely, the way I wish I could, because ultimately I am just another student to her.