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View Poll Results: How high are your expectations
Not very high 4 7.84%
Not very high
4 7.84%
Reasonably high 11 21.57%
Reasonably high
11 21.57%
Too high (I expect too much) 5 9.80%
Too high (I expect too much)
5 9.80%
High in an appropriate way 28 54.90%
High in an appropriate way
28 54.90%
Other 3 5.88%
Other
3 5.88%
Voters: 51. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old Aug 13, 2015, 03:04 AM
Anonymous200320
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Originally Posted by eden1515 View Post
I find it very hard to trust people so I don't think I have ever gotten to a level where I didn't expect someone to let me down I expect to be let down by everyone it is just like it is always going to happen and I must say 9/10 times they do let me down so I don't think that is unreasonable. I always find it weird reading posts where people say they feel safe with their therapist and they trust them and I have always thought when people say they loved their therapist that that was dangerous but then again for me pretty much all the things I have ever even slightly loved have hurt me so it could just be me. I do wonder though how those people who say they love their therapist can have a healthy relationship with them and not have slightly skewed expectations.
People disappear for me, too. I have given up on the idea of trusting real life people to be around or to care about me - and it's like my dad always used to say when I was little, that if you don't expect anything you will not be disappointed. Very useful life lesson, and one I wish I'd taken to heart earlier. I still slip sometimes but its getting easier.

However, I do trust that a therapist won't suddenly go away, because it's part of their professional role not to do that. So once again, I expect professionalism; I know some of them won't be professional but that doesn't mean I expect anything less. (I don't expect love or care or anything because that's not part of the professional package.)
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  #52  
Old Aug 13, 2015, 11:09 AM
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eeyorestail eeyorestail is offline
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If by "others," you mean some random guy on the street, then, yes, I do have higher expectations. If we're comparing my expectations to those I have for other trained professionals dealing with important stuff, then my expectations are the same.
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Last edited by eeyorestail; Aug 13, 2015 at 02:54 PM.
  #53  
Old Aug 13, 2015, 02:52 PM
FranzJosef FranzJosef is offline
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I'm not going to admit to expecting too much!
  #54  
Old Aug 13, 2015, 04:46 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Originally Posted by Parva View Post
?


I will always expect my therapist to be a cut above the rest, and most often, she is exactly that - as, I hope, are most of yours. ...

Just wonder when you say a cut above.,,,A cut above who? Me? You? Why do they need to be above the rest? Are they above nurses or teachers or firefighters or emergency physicians? Why do they need to be above anyone?


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  #55  
Old Aug 13, 2015, 09:38 PM
musinglizzy musinglizzy is offline
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I would expect that they are consistent in their behaviors/boundaries. Mine has not been.
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  #56  
Old Aug 13, 2015, 11:30 PM
Anonymous37884
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do you allow a change in your expectations if the relationship also changes for example if you get closer or if you have a rupture do the expectations you have of your therapist/psychologist change.
  #57  
Old Aug 14, 2015, 08:28 AM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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I would not get closer to a therapist, but there are a good many areas I no longer try to address around the woman because she bungled things. She one time said, when fishing for compliments, that X was no longer an issue for me - I burst out laughing and informed her X was the same, I just no longer bothered telling her about it.
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  #58  
Old Aug 20, 2015, 06:59 PM
FranzJosef FranzJosef is offline
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Originally Posted by eden1515 View Post
do you allow a change in your expectations if the relationship also changes for example if you get closer or if you have a rupture do the expectations you have of your therapist/psychologist change.
You make a good point. Over time the patient grows (I hope!) and the relationship should grow too. If not, the patient leaves.
  #59  
Old Aug 20, 2015, 07:39 PM
Tearinyourhand Tearinyourhand is offline
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Originally Posted by lolagrace View Post
I can only speak for myself, but I have not been repeatedly let down and hurt by the people I love, so I don't find trusting and even loving a therapist difficult or particularly unusual for me. I have many healthy, loving relationships in my life -- the therapy relationship is just one of them. I don't expect perfection from those I love, no matter who that person is. I have realistic expectations of those I love, including my therapist. No transference involved by the way. It's just a love defined by and appropriate to that particular relationship.

I think the idea of love is very nebulous to many people, sexualized by others, limited to romance or familial relationships to others which means when people speak of loving another person, we aren't always speaking the same "language." My concept of love is that loving relationships of many different kinds are possible. I don't have one set standard for all of my relationships; thus, how I define love in terms of each relationship is a bit different depending on the function of that relationship. Other people only have one very limited definition of how and when to use love to describe their feelings for another person. That is fine for them; it just is different than mine.
I really love this post. thank you for sharing this. I feel like printing it out and reading it when I'm feeling stuck.
  #60  
Old Aug 20, 2015, 07:57 PM
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mortalache mortalache is offline
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It really goes the other way with me--I tend to think my therapist has high expectations of me (and I have them of myself) which catches me the worst when I walk through the door for another session. It helps I was actually discussing this with him today. I should have expectations from us both, but reasonable/appropriate expectations.
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  #61  
Old Aug 20, 2015, 08:00 PM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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I am surprised at the high of any sort - they are just people with a degree who are guessing and stabbing around.
I suppose this is the sort of thing the therapist meant when she told me other clients came to her with the expectation she could help. I just sort of thought she might have some info I could use. Turns out she either does not have it or will not give it. So now I use her for something else entirely.
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Thanks for this!
FranzJosef
  #62  
Old Aug 20, 2015, 08:33 PM
Anonymous37884
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Maybe you need to find better ones
  #63  
Old Aug 21, 2015, 09:32 PM
sjkero sjkero is offline
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I have very high (probably unrealistic) expectations for my T, and I am trying to come to terms with the fact she'll most likely never fill all of those expectations. And the ones she does fill, I appreciate them for a second, and them I'm immediately focused on the next level and whether she'll meet those higher expectations. The whole process is a mind *****, let's be honest. I just can't be satisfied, I always need more.
  #64  
Old Sep 03, 2015, 09:27 PM
Motheroftwogirls Motheroftwogirls is offline
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Iam brand new to this forum, but thought I would take a shot and let go of some of my feelings...I was molested by my father from age 5 to age 13 in addition to much neglect and abuse to a degree that Iam still uncomfortable talking about it with anyone other than my therapist. So, to the issue of expecting too much from my therapist I definately know, after reading some of these posts, that I have too high of expectations on my therapist. Which makes me very sad because I really have wanted him to protect me all the time and be near me all the time and to fix me so I could be good enough for him. I have a hard time feeling good enough for anyone and I came to love my therapist for the person he is and how he cares, but I guess I do expect him to always be there for me no matter what else he is doing or even if he is home with his family. I get very upset when he doesn't get back to me soon enough or if he doesn't call me back when he is with his family on the weekends and then I see him again on Monday at my appointment and Iam so mad at him that I feel like I can't even talk to him anymore which then backfires because I have his whole attention right then but Iam so caught up in being mad at him that I can't find a way to talk to him...very confusing.

Anyway, Iam guilty of having too high expectations on my therapist and I feel terrible having come to that conclusion after reading these posts.
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