connection with a therapist?

Hi Stopdog
Funny enough I just posted last evening about my connection. .or lack of with my T. I won't lie..sometimes I find therapy very confusing. .it feels like a mind fu**!! One minute I swear me and the T have this awesome connection then the next minute she feels distant, when I asked her at my last session of she feels connected to me she replied "no,not often "..she did add that she's felt more connected to me in the last 6 weeks. I didn't think much at first but then the more I thought about it the more upset I felt. .with her and myself. .I'm looking forward to next week, I want to disect this with her!

I made it clear to my T, at some point, that she can't get crap like that past me, that I'm not naive and I can discern honest to fake behavior, and I would rather have an apathetic but honest response than any fake one. She actually took that into consideration I guess, because I can't recall the last time I caught her faking a response. And I still notice other changes in her behavior so it's not that I became too trusting.

Well, anything that's fake is anti-relationship. I wouldn't stay with a T who engaged in such obvious behaviors because I think they're disrespectful. Empathy if it's real is a gift, but pretend empathy is an insult.

I suspect you believe that such feelings/behaviors are fake by definition, whereas I believe they can be fake or honest: the challenge is to find the ones who are honest.

I don't particularly think the one I see faked empathy - just that she tried doing it at me and it was horrible and pointless. I have gotten her to stop it for the most part.
The over surprise I found fakish but I doubt the woman would admit it.
But those sorts of things, to me, are definitely at the client.

Most people seem fake to me. I wouldn't be able to stand that from a T. I'd end up misbehaving at them terribly...

Yes, and here's why. I've got no interest in telling my problems or thoughts or indeed anything to the human equivalent of a sock puppet or a brick wall. Whether I'm doing therapy just to unload some of the baggage of daily life, or for emotional work, if I don't feel some kind of empathic connection, I'm not going to bother.

Really, if the therapist and their feelings and care serve no role in the process and it's just about their lumpen flesh sort of being there, then a therapist seems like a really expensive substitute for a teddy bear.

For me, teddy bear is far too cuddly or comforting to substitute for therapist.

Teddy bear. Lol I don't cuddle with stuffed animals but I imagine doing it. Cuddling with my t not so much lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

A lot of people ARE fake, but they do it subconsciously, it's what society taught them is appropriate.

I expect to feel some sort of connection. I am telling her personal things that are difficult and I would hope she wasn't made of stone and would feel some sort of connection. I would probably feel disappointed if she didn't.

Absolutely and I will not do therapy with no connection, actually relationships at all can feel suffocating to me without one.

I've come to realize that it doesn't matter what people say or do in a relationship, without a mutual emotional connection it will slowly start to feel empty and you will feel that something is missing.

I think it helps a lot if the therapist feels a connection.