[Petra5ed]

I've felt like this most of my life. Like a loser, a fat ugly girl that no one likes and no one wants to deal with. Maybe it was being fired by my pdoc a couple days ago that is triggering me now, but I even question if my therapist "likes" talking to me for $100 an hour. It's frustrating to feel like I cant even pay someone to want to be around me. What is there to live for if nothing wants me in this world? How can I talk about it? i.e. how can I accuse and confront someone about disliking me and not be even more disliked? It seems like a vicious inescapable circle.

[stopdog]

I think it could be that the rejection of the psychiatrist (who sounds like not a good fit for you) has perhaps clouded reality. The psychiatrist, if I understood the other thread, had only met you one time prior to the time where he said you all did not match up. And he was not giving you what you wanted (the meds) even though I see it may feel like personal rejection . I think it could be possible that you are painting with too broad a brush here.
Have you had a chance to talk to therapist about the psychiatrist situation?

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Have you had a chance to talk to therapist about the psychiatrist situation?

Yes and no. Part of the problem I have is it is damn near impossible for me to emote around other people. It seems like something I like to do exclusively alone. It also takes me a while to settle into how I feel about something. I did mention being fired to my therapist, and he asked if I was angry, and I said no. At the time I couldn't feel anything about it.

I agree with SD here. This pdoc situation has triggered you and you are making it about you when, in reality, it is all about the pdoc just being completely useless. He didn't know you, didn't care about you because he didn't know you, and his decision was all about himself -- he didn't have time to form any sort of real opinion about your likeability, etc. Some people are just jerks, and unfortunately you encountered one this week.

If you also feel this way around your t, my suspicion is that THAT is about you, not your therapist, so "confronting" someone and telling them they don't like you when, in all probability, that isn't that case at all -- it is a matter of your self-consciousness, your low self-esteem, your insecurities -- probably won't be particularly helpful. What might be more helpful to you is to talk about YOUR feelings about yourself and how that affects your perception of how you believe others feel about you.

[bounceback]

I just want you to know I understand the thinking that nobody really wants you around or cares about you and that you have to pay people to care about you. It is a vicious cycle I have been in myself. Just want you to know you aren't alone and people really do care about you.

[Chummy]

I'm sorry you feel like this. I know this feeling. When I was in intensive group therapy, after a few months I felt like the T's there didn't cared about me. (Some things happened there that caused that feeling.) I thought 'even someone who gets paid to talk to me, who gets paid to try to help me, even they don't care. If someone who gets paid doesn't want to be around me, why would anyone else''.
2-3 months ago I talked to my current T about this.
And last week I told her that I was afraid that she doesn't like me, that she thinks I'm difficult and annoying.
It was hard to tell her. These thoughts have more to do with my self esteem, not with how she treat me. I'm still questioning her. I don't get why she wouldn't dislike me.
I suggest you talk to your T about it. Don't say it like you accuse your T, but say how you feel. Maybe your T does ''like'' having you as a client, but is it you that feels like T doesn't because of what happened with pdoc and maybe you had more experiences like that in the past.