[AuroraBorealis75]

I feel like I really need to talk about these romantic feelings for my therapist, otherwise it's just going to grow and grow and get in the way of therapy. I've written a first draft of a letter that I plan to read to my therapist, and would really welcome any thoughts or advice on what I've written. Thanks in advance!

I have to talk to you about something that is really scary for me to talk about. I know you said that nothing I could say would make you walk away from me or tell me we couldn’t do therapy anymore. But I am scared this might be the one thing that would make you walk away from me. I am scared that you will be repulsed by me and not want to work with me anymore, and that would be as painful as hearing my mom tell me she wished she had never had kids.

I know that what I’ve been referring to as my “attachment” to you is called transference. I’ve been talking about this with others on the Mental Health Forum, and everyone says that this is a normal thing to happen in therapy. But it really scares me because the last time we were working on my timeline it started to feel like a romantic attraction. I don’t want to have romantic feelings for you, and I want you to know I would never ever expect you to feel the same way about me. This is also scary for me because it brings up the question of my sexual orientation, which I thought I had sorted out, and there is so much baggage around that.

[Leah123]

I love the letter for its honesty, vulnerability and clarity. I think you did a great job and I expect that a competent therapist will work well with the letter.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Originally Posted by AuroraBorealis75

I feel like I really need to talk about these romantic feelings for my therapist, otherwise it's just going to grow and grow and get in the way of therapy. I've written a first draft of a letter that I plan to read to my therapist, and would really welcome any thoughts or advice on what I've written. Thanks in advance!

I have to talk to you about something that is really scary for me to talk about. I know you said that nothing I could say would make you walk away from me or tell me we couldn’t do therapy anymore. But I am scared this might be the one thing that would make you walk away from me. I am scared that you will be repulsed by me and not want to work with me anymore, and that would be as painful as hearing my mom tell me she wished she had never had kids.

I know that what I’ve been referring to as my “attachment” to you is called transference. I’ve been talking about this with others on the Mental Health Forum, and everyone says that this is a normal thing to happen in therapy. But it really scares me because the last time we were working on my timeline it started to feel like a romantic attraction. I don’t want to have romantic feelings for you, and I want you to know I would never ever expect you to feel the same way about me. This is also scary for me because it brings up the question of my sexual orientation, which I thought I had sorted out, and there is so much baggage around that.

Oh goodness. Do I ever not envy you for being in the throes of transference. It all but took my life. But hopefully your t will actually understand what it is and handle it appropriately. Sounds like a great letter, you are expressing what your feelings are and it sounds honest. What could be wrong with being honest in therapy? Nothing in my opinion. It is your therapy, you are paying. So you get to bring up the things you need help with and would like to work on. I only hope for your sake that your t will handle it well. Good luck! Keep us posted how it goes.

[AuroraBorealis75]

Thanks for your replies. It's still 2 weeks until I see my therapist again, so I'll just have to wait and see how it goes. The waiting is so hard.

[RedSun]

Good luck AB, hope it goes well. I've often written stuff down to read in session (or, more often, I get T to read it to herself while I just die...), your letter sounds very honest and clear, I'm sure it will be helpful to get these feelings out in the open.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree, the letter sounds good to me. Good luck, and remember that there are many of us here who have been through the experience of transference and telling our T's, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I know some have had bad experiences with sharing, but I had a generally good experience (and I'm in a particularly awkward situation, since it's my marriage counselor.)

[AuroraBorealis75]

Thank you. I am so grateful for all the support.