[Soccer mom]

My last session is Monday. I'm a little numb or maybe a little mad now.

I always had in my mind I would read a nice letter and give a small gift. I now don't want to give her anything. I wasn't going to write a letter but I have.

If you have been terminated, how has the last session gone? I plan to clarify some things from our last few sessions and then read my letter. I can't believe I'll never be in her office again.

[Leah123]

My advice is to decide how you want the session to end so that once you get through the feelings you need to share and try for the clarification you want, you end on an empowering note. I believe if you give yourself a small ritual conclusion, it will help soothe your upset feelings a bit and help you move forward. You gained a great deal it sounds like in your prior years of therapy with her- I know the relationship predates your mother's death after which she may not have been the best person to help you, so... if you can think on how you want to leave the entirety of it for a new phase in your life, sort of like graduating a tough college program.... it may help.

[iheartjacques]

I haven't had a good ending to any of mine so I have no idea how this one would go.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Don't desperately try for closure -- you won't get it.

[atisketatasket]

I wouldn't give her anything. I think Leah is right. I also think that you should control the conversation - don't let her take over. It's your last chance to say what you want/need to say.

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[unaluna]

Ive never had anybody drag the ending out like this. I would find it excruciating. Its like my last day of school is spent in the principals office. What will be the point of these talks? If they are to summarize your changes, that would be alright. Maybe even where do you go from here. But not so much the reason youre changing ts, unless she wants to know how she messed up. Because you do NOT need to defend yourself there, at all.

I would hope that she has some skills and experience and knowledge about how to do a positive ending and that she will be able to make a positive contribution to this session and to helping you to feel good about your therapy with her, I might start by discussing this hope. I hope it goes well.

[AllHeart]

When I had my last meeting with my former T, I wasn't sure what to do either. I brought a letter and a small gift and hid them in my purse. The meeting went very well, but, I didn't feel like reading her the letter or giving her the gift. So I wound up just handing her the letter as we said good-bye. She emailed me later to thank me for it. That was it! Good luck!!

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I would also not give her anything if I were you. She is terminating you because she can't handle the transference. If this was a mutual termination or you were finished with therapy, I think a letter would be nice. I hope it goes well for you and you can say what you need/want and get some closure.

Sure wish I had some advice. I don't know. The one time I thought I had terminated (at my wish) I ended up going back. I don't know how it's going to go if/when I do finally terminate w/current t. Part of me is pretty sure the only way t and i will "end" is when one of us dies.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by hankster

Ive never had anybody drag the ending out like this. I would find it excruciating. Its like my last day of school is spent in the principals office. What will be the point of these talks? If they are to summarize your changes, that would be alright. Maybe even where do you go from here. But not so much the reason youre changing ts, unless she wants to know how she messed up. Because you do NOT need to defend yourself there, at all.

I had a therapist drag out an ending for 6 months of talking about termination. It was the most painful thing I have ever had to go through. I felt like I was waiting for my execution, especially since I was heartbroken about having to end (not my choice -- it was free therapy at a clinic and I was "better") I prefer no termination over that. I didn't even go to my last session with the one who hurt me so bad.

[Gavinandnikki]

My last session:

I was in control/ very few tears. Unusual for my sessions.
I thanked her for all she had helped me with
I reiterated, again, why I was terminating.

I told her that I could not , and would not , ever understand why I couldn't have had one F'in hug in over 5 years.

I told her I loved her
That I wished the absolute best for her.

Then we stood up and stared at each other, eye to eye, probably about 30 seconds or so.

I could feel that if I had stepped towards her, she would have hugged me.

I did not want a "termination hug". It could have been too much for me. Who knows, but that was NOT the time for our first and only hug.

I repeated, I love you, and walked out.

Good luck, it's hard.

[unaluna]

(((Gavinandnikki))) i HATE that last session hug!!! I almost forgot about it! I think i know why now- its how my parents hugged me. It feels very reluctant, very disappointing. It reeks of failure.

In this case I think I'd tell her of all the ways she failed. I know that sounds bad, but maybe the feedback would help someone else in the future. If she helped you in any way you could mention that too. I wouldn't take a gift or letter. I don't know.

The first therapist abandoned me so there was no termination session. The second was moving away and we had a great last session. I gave him a letter and he gave me one. But with a "bad" therapy relationship I don't know. I haven't been through that kind of session.

[ruh roh]

The final session really is for you, so just be sure to go in knowing what will give you the most peace.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by hankster

Ive never had anybody drag the ending out like this. I would find it excruciating. Its like my last day of school is spent in the principals office. What will be the point of these talks? If they are to summarize your changes, that would be alright. Maybe even where do you go from here. But not so much the reason youre changing ts, unless she wants to know how she messed up. Because you do NOT need to defend yourself there, at all.

She isn't dragging it out. She mentioned termination definitely 2 weeks ago. I asked for a session right after my last one to ask questions. Then, tomorrow is the last one. In my opinion, I could have used one more but oh well. Once again she's in control. She's terminating me but I have thought for months that she might not be a good fit and contacted other T's in May. I wish I had been able to walk away on my own.

[Soccer mom]

Many times I feel overwhelmed and don't get to say everything I want. So, I've written her letters to get my feelings out and off my chest.

I wrote her a letter - 5 pages. It starts off letting her know where I think she was wrong the last two sessions about some issues. I call it clarification and ask that she doesn't engage so to start an argument. The last part of the letter is recapping our relationship (which reminds her that she once said I could never push her away and she wouldn't do that to me among other things), my feelings about it and her. It starts off a little strong but then ends on a good note. And, that's how I want it to go. I want to get some things off my chest but then I want to end on a positive note. I don't want to walk away angry wanting to say more and I don't want to walk away so positive that I don't want to leave. Not sure if I can find the happy medium. The one T. I'm heavily considering agreed with me that maybe I shouldn't even go. but, I want no regrets. I WILL tell her what I want to say and then be done.

[QUOTE=Soccer mom;4672489]. . . I call it clarification and ask that she doesn't engage so to start an argument. . .QUOTE]

I really like the idea that you ask her not to engage when you bring up the issues you feel she misinterpreted. This final session is for you and for your peace of mind. You get to decide what you need for some kind of closure. I really hope she honors that request and just simply listens. I think it would be very telling if she wasn't able to do what you're asking and has to slip in some way her interpretation of what happened. Some people just aren't good at not getting how they see things into the conversation. But hopefully, this is the one time that she's able to restrain that urge! I hope it goes as well as it closure sessions go!

[wheeler]

Woke up this morning thinking about your day ahead. Please take care of yourself.

[Petra5ed]

Good luck today soccer mom, hope it goes as good as it can. I don't know exactly how I would feel in your shoes, other than very hurt. Wish u the best!