[SarahSweden]

I´ve been looking for a new T for many months now, I was terminated. I went to public health care and psychiatry and that has only made things worse. I´ve got the diagnoses depression and anxiety and I also have suicidal thoughts quite frequently.

As the waiting time to see a therapist is long I´ve asked for a councellor to just talk to, not therapy but someone to talk to while I wait to see a therapist.

It took several months before I met with a doctor who conceded to letting me see a councellor and I got an appointment with a psychiatric nurse.

It was the worst appointment I´ve ever had and it made me feel even worse than before. She questioned if I had tried to commit suicide and when I said I haven´t she more or less meant that in that case I hadn´t the right to get to talk to someone.

As I asked for just someone to talk to about how I feel and that it´s very hard for me to wait to see a T, that I feel very mentally ill with depression and anxiety the chat wasn´t supposed to be about diagnosing. I´ve already went through that but the nurse talked about diagnoses anyway and said things like "there´s something that isn´t right with you" and "it´s a feeling I have".

Earlier on there have been discussions whether I might have traits of aspbergers but no complete evalutation has been done. I felt completely mortified by this - she tells me this like she was talking about a movie or whatever and doesn´t seem to care or know how it feel to be told such things.

A diagnoses, that noone before suspected is now thrown at me with when there´s noone to talk to or to process all difficult feelings and sadness that comes with such suspicions.

She didn´t even sat in the chair near me but at her desk, at a distance.

I live by myself and has noone to turn to for comfort. How is it possible to even cope with being treated like this?

Is there someone who shares a similar experience?

[Turtleboy]

yes i had a similar experience, it was with a pdoc tho, wont go into long winded details but yes i have been told there are things wrong with me that were not and yes they were very cold and almost cruel about it after spending one session with me.
My advice would be to let it go and forget about her, some people (professionals) have no bedside manner and make snap decisions based on their own personal experience, please don't take it to heart that all mental health professionals are like this, they are people and prone to faults just like us, its very hard when we come across someone as such (especially when we are at our worst)
You did nothing wrong and your feelings are very valid about this IMHO.
Don't let it bother you and move on noting to yourself that this person was just not the right fit for you. They are probably used to emergency and critical cases. It doesn't diminish your feelings or your struggles.
Hope this helps a little this thinking helped through those first few months of dealing with these kinds of people

[SarahSweden]

I agree the best thing is to forget about it and it´s not that I think of this single event and focus on that but it´s more that I´ve searched for so long now and my health continues to worsen. You don´t have a never ending strenght when looking for a T. I would really need someone to talk to but when I ask for that I don´t get heard. I feel completely alone, just crying by myself at night.

I think public health care is so lousy they are just playing with peoples lives and health. I don´t know what to do anymore.

Originally Posted by Turtleboy

yes i had a similar experience, it was with a pdoc tho, wont go into long winded details but yes i have been told there are things wrong with me that were not and yes they were very cold and almost cruel about it after spending one session with me.
My advice would be to let it go and forget about her, some people (professionals) have no bedside manner and make snap decisions based on their own personal experience, please don't take it to heart that all mental health professionals are like this, they are people and prone to faults just like us, its very hard when we come across someone as such (especially when we are at our worst)
You did nothing wrong and your feelings are very valid about this IMHO.
Don't let it bother you and move on noting to yourself that this person was just not the right fit for you. They are probably used to emergency and critical cases. It doesn't diminish your feelings or your struggles.
Hope this helps a little this thinking helped through those first few months of dealing with these kinds of people

[Crescent Moon]

For all the criticism I hear about how the health care system in the U.S.A works, one would never have to wait to talk to someone. I heat about it very often, tho, in countries with government health care. You've genuinely got to be at death's door or you wait forever. I don't understand how that helps people, and I can't imagine how awful it must be to deal with that.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I think public health care is so lousy they are just playing with peoples lives and health. I don´t know what to do anymore.

I guess move to a capitalistic country like the U.S. where you can also get another college degree!

If a person in the US doesn't have health insurance, or is low income and has poor-quality health insurance, they may not be able to find a therapist who will see them or they may have to wait for a long time.

I have also dealt with going to mental health care "agencies" where if they let you see a therapist, they don't let you choose which one you see and they may decide at any time that you can't see them anymore. I had this happen a couple of months ago. I had spent 4 months seeing a straight-out-of-school therapist and we were just finally starting to get some real therapy done when the agency decided to cut way back on the number of people they were allowing to have individual therapy, so no more individual therapy there for me.

Before that, for several years I had health insurance but couldn't afford the co-pays, so I went over five years without seeing a therapist and eventually ended up going inpatient for treatment. That was definitely a false economy.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by jo_thorne

If a person in the US doesn't have health insurance, or is low income and has poor-quality health insurance, they may not be able to find a therapist who will see them or they may have to wait for a long time.

I have also dealt with going to mental health care "agencies" where if they let you see a therapist, they don't let you choose which one you see and they may decide at any time that you can't see them anymore. I had this happen a couple of months ago. I had spent 4 months seeing a straight-out-of-school therapist and we were just finally starting to get some real therapy done when the agency decided to cut way back on the number of people they were allowing to have individual therapy, so no more individual therapy there for me.

Before that, for several years I had health insurance but couldn't afford the co-pays, so I went over five years without seeing a therapist and eventually ended up going inpatient for treatment. That was definitely a false economy.

You're right, and I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. I am no expert on Obamacare because I have private insurance through my employer, but my understanding is that now - pretty much anyone can get insurance. And for those below the proper income level, there is medicaid. It's not that the U.S. system is perfect. But in the countries whose governments control the provision of health care, it is common for those who suffer from mental illness to not get what they need until they spiral so far downward that they make a suicide attempt. Then they might qualify to get therapy soon. And then when they do get therapy, it tends to be very limited in scope. Typically only CBT, short term. So although I have no doubt that there are U.S. citizens that fall through cracks, most don't. And in countries with government-controlled health care, most do seem to fall through cracks. I spend time on the schizophrenia forum, and it is very clear that those who live in countries with government-controlled health care get in desperate straits just trying to get what comes easily to most here in the U.S..

[Bill3]

((((((SarahSweden))))))

[vonmoxie]

Even with good insurance it can be a remarkably difficult process. I happen to have excellent private insurance, and even live in sort of an especially affluent area of the U.S. (not that it's any reflection on my own situation) but we have a real scarcity of psych practitioners here. Because it's a "sellers' market", the service one receives is often less than exemplary on many levels, and that's after working ridiculously hard just to find someone who will even consider meeting with a new client.

Unfortunately, consistently lousy service can be received at any price or location.


As one might surmise, I've been through the same, and many times in fact -- and it really is the worst kind of salt on the wound, to go for help when feeling at one's most vulnerable and be treated in what feels like an inherently dismissive fashion. Sarah, the only bright spot I can see in this is that maybe it's better to have noticed the mismatch right away; better sooner than later, if she's really not suited to you, or you to her.

Have you considered talking to the doctor that referred you, about the experience you had, and about what next steps you might be able to take to get the kind of help you need? It's subjective to say, but I know that for me most of my regrets in life have been about not having stuck up for myself at times I had every right and reason to.

I hope things get better.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by Crescent Moon

For all the criticism I hear about how the health care system in the U.S.A works, one would never have to wait to talk to someone. I heat about it very often, tho, in countries with government health care. You've genuinely got to be at death's door or you wait forever. I don't understand how that helps people, and I can't imagine how awful it must be to deal with that.

In every country that I've heard of you still retain the right to pay out of pocket and not wait to see a therapist. It's just that, as in the U.S., most people do not have the means to do so. Think of the kajillions of US posters talking about how this or that therapist won't take their insurance or is not approved by the insurer. People from the us also post here all the time about their frustrations with public clinics including being denied appropriate services and being terminated or transferred to another provider arbitrarily. It really doesn't sound very different.

SarahSweden I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I hope that you find a good therapy situation very soon. Is there a patient advocate/ombudsman that you can go to and explain your situation?

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

In every country that I've heard of you still retain the right to pay out of pocket and not wait to see a therapist. It's just that, as in the U.S., most people do not have the means to do so. Think of the kajillions of US posters talking about how this or that therapist won't take their insurance or is not approved by the insurer. People from the us also post here all the time about their frustrations with public clinics including being denied appropriate services and being terminated or transferred to another provider arbitrarily. It really doesn't sound very different.

SarahSweden I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I hope that you find a good therapy situation very soon. Is there a patient advocate/ombudsman that you can go to and explain your situation?

In our country you usually have to wait 6-8 months before your intake and then 4-6 months before you can start treatment. Whether you pay out of pocket or go through insurance.

I live in Western Europe.

[nadiahoney]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I´ve been looking for a new T for many months now, I was terminated. I went to public health care and psychiatry and that has only made things worse. I´ve got the diagnoses depression and anxiety and I also have suicidal thoughts quite frequently.

As the waiting time to see a therapist is long I´ve asked for a councellor to just talk to, not therapy but someone to talk to while I wait to see a therapist.

It took several months before I met with a doctor who conceded to letting me see a councellor and I got an appointment with a psychiatric nurse.

It was the worst appointment I´ve ever had and it made me feel even worse than before. She questioned if I had tried to commit suicide and when I said I haven´t she more or less meant that in that case I hadn´t the right to get to talk to someone.

As I asked for just someone to talk to about how I feel and that it´s very hard for me to wait to see a T, that I feel very mentally ill with depression and anxiety the chat wasn´t supposed to be about diagnosing. I´ve already went through that but the nurse talked about diagnoses anyway and said things like "there´s something that isn´t right with you" and "it´s a feeling I have".

Earlier on there have been discussions whether I might have traits of aspbergers but no complete evalutation has been done. I felt completely mortified by this - she tells me this like she was talking about a movie or whatever and doesn´t seem to care or know how it feel to be told such things.

A diagnoses, that noone before suspected is now thrown at me with when there´s noone to talk to or to process all difficult feelings and sadness that comes with such suspicions.

She didn´t even sat in the chair near me but at her desk, at a distance.

I live by myself and has noone to turn to for comfort. How is it possible to even cope with being treated like this?

Is there someone who shares a similar experience?

I think there is where my reply goes. And my friend, I feel for you here. I really truly do. Here is my input:

I am so sorry you had to deal with an IDIOT therapist. You can perhaps pass it forward by submitting online and ANONYMOUS evaluations (I for example am seeking a dentist I can afford and am looking not only at costs but at how good they are through online doctor evaluation sites -- reputable ones. People who have bad doctor experiences and good ones too should always do this since the internet is often the only way to find a good therapist.

First of all, I did not take this to be a political question about Obamacare and frankly, I won't even go into healthcare, because I took your question to be simply a question about the therapy issue in general. I DO believe there are good therapists out there. I also DO have hope that you can find that therapist. This is a problem with every single person ever who went to seek help and found crap. You are ABSOLUTELY right in feeling utterly unhappy with that particular experience and let me assure you this is NOT okay. To make you feel isolated and not even give you the respect of proper space and to treat you as insignificant and an inhuman THING to be checked off? Revolting. As someone who has been through nursing school I can tell you, sadly, that there are many people doing the difficult job of treating both minds and bodies that should be handling garbage or food instead, because they just don't have that "caring" and empathetic gene. Shrinks might graduate, and pass the boards, but they fail at the empathy test in the real world. I know this because i have probably seen most of them! No I kid, but I know -- and I know many of us know -- that even the moderators on here (and online therapists) and therapists in person are often so awful at the understanding one's feelings and discomfort or what have you, it is simply beyond belief they do that job.

Here is what I also think, despite my anger and frustration at finding a good therapist: there are DEFINITELY good therapists out there. You might have to see a hundred -- but most likely far fewer -- but somewhere, I simply must hope -- there is that person who can help and WANTS truly to help and best of all, is capable. I know that for you and for me. We deserve it.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks for sharing. To me it´s not about having insurance or not but I understand the situation is different within the US and in other countries. My only option (as I can´t pay myself and I have already got the maximum number of sessions through insurance) it to turn to public health care and psychiatry.

This psychiatric nurse I met with wasn´t to be my councellor or therapist but my doctor referred me to her because I need someone to talk to while I wait to see a therapist. As I´ve gone through so much already, searching for T:s and getting disappointed one time after another this meeting with the nurse affected me very deeply.

I have e-mailed my doctor and told her how I felt about the meeting but as they´re so restricted by finances they aren´t that willing to offer someone to just "talk to". I´ve asked for another person but I don´t know yet if my doctor will concede to that.

Originally Posted by vonmoxie

Even with good insurance it can be a remarkably difficult process. I happen to have excellent private insurance, and even live in sort of an especially affluent area of the U.S. (not that it's any reflection on my own situation) but we have a real scarcity of psych practitioners here. Because it's a "sellers' market", the service one receives is often less than exemplary on many levels, and that's after working ridiculously hard just to find someone who will even consider meeting with a new client.

Unfortunately, consistently lousy service can be received at any price or location.


As one might surmise, I've been through the same, and many times in fact -- and it really is the worst kind of salt on the wound, to go for help when feeling at one's most vulnerable and be treated in what feels like an inherently dismissive fashion. Sarah, the only bright spot I can see in this is that maybe it's better to have noticed the mismatch right away; better sooner than later, if she's really not suited to you, or you to her.

Have you considered talking to the doctor that referred you, about the experience you had, and about what next steps you might be able to take to get the kind of help you need? It's subjective to say, but I know that for me most of my regrets in life have been about not having stuck up for myself at times I had every right and reason to.

I hope things get better.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. There isn´t someone to complain to really, I´ve let my doctor know how I felt about the meeting with the nurse and I hope she´ll see how much went wrong and that she´ll refer me to someone else.

You can file a complaint to the health care authorities but it would take several months before such an errend is handled so it not that much of use to me.

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

In every country that I've heard of you still retain the right to pay out of pocket and not wait to see a therapist. It's just that, as in the U.S., most people do not have the means to do so. Think of the kajillions of US posters talking about how this or that therapist won't take their insurance or is not approved by the insurer. People from the us also post here all the time about their frustrations with public clinics including being denied appropriate services and being terminated or transferred to another provider arbitrarily. It really doesn't sound very different.

SarahSweden I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I hope that you find a good therapy situation very soon. Is there a patient advocate/ombudsman that you can go to and explain your situation?

[SarahSweden]

Thankd for sharing and engaging in my post. As this psychiatric nurse who I met doesn´t have her own practise it wouldn´t be possible to evaluate her specifically and you can´t point out a certain person in a more general evaluation I´m afraid, not here anyway.

The thought about how many people who shouldn´t work within health care has gone through my mind as well. This nurse was definately one of them. The thing about her not even come to sit in the chair opposite of me but placing herself at a distance at her desk really shows lack of empathy.

I left a complaint to my doctor but I´m a bit afraid that she won´t care about this as just "talking to someone" while you wait to see a therapist is seen as more of an exception. They more or less draw the line between feeling very mentally ill and having tried to commit suicide. They who have tried are those they think are entitled to talking support.

Originally Posted by nadiahoney

I think there is where my reply goes. And my friend, I feel for you here. I really truly do. Here is my input:

I am so sorry you had to deal with an IDIOT therapist. You can perhaps pass it forward by submitting online and ANONYMOUS evaluations (I for example am seeking a dentist I can afford and am looking not only at costs but at how good they are through online doctor evaluation sites -- reputable ones. People who have bad doctor experiences and good ones too should always do this since the internet is often the only way to find a good therapist.

First of all, I did not take this to be a political question about Obamacare and frankly, I won't even go into healthcare, because I took your question to be simply a question about the therapy issue in general. I DO believe there are good therapists out there. I also DO have hope that you can find that therapist. This is a problem with every single person ever who went to seek help and found crap. You are ABSOLUTELY right in feeling utterly unhappy with that particular experience and let me assure you this is NOT okay. To make you feel isolated and not even give you the respect of proper space and to treat you as insignificant and an inhuman THING to be checked off? Revolting. As someone who has been through nursing school I can tell you, sadly, that there are many people doing the difficult job of treating both minds and bodies that should be handling garbage or food instead, because they just don't have that "caring" and empathetic gene. Shrinks might graduate, and pass the boards, but they fail at the empathy test in the real world. I know this because i have probably seen most of them! No I kid, but I know -- and I know many of us know -- that even the moderators on here (and online therapists) and therapists in person are often so awful at the understanding one's feelings and discomfort or what have you, it is simply beyond belief they do that job.

Here is what I also think, despite my anger and frustration at finding a good therapist: there are DEFINITELY good therapists out there. You might have to see a hundred -- but most likely far fewer -- but somewhere, I simply must hope -- there is that person who can help and WANTS truly to help and best of all, is capable. I know that for you and for me. We deserve it.