[qwertykeyboard]

There have been a couple of times when my T has said "I care" when I say that nobody cares. But is this just to make me feel better or do they actually care? Can a T really CARE about a client? To me, caring about someone would mean that theyd visit in the hospital if i were sick, send a christmas/birthday card, ask them how they're doing outside of a set 45m session/week. I feel like caring about someone means that you'd want to go out of your way to help someone. How can you care about someone if theyre paying you $$ every week? I just don't understand.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I think some Ts care.

I don't think my current T cares, but she also hasn't said she does. Ex-T clearly didn’t care and she said she did.

[JaneTennison1]

They don't care about you like they would a friend or family member but I believe it is possible to care. I get paid for my job and yet there are clients I think about now who I haven't spoken to in 2 years, I hope they are doing well and I care about their wellbeing. I send them mental well wishes. Caring looks different I think.

[stopdog]

I think they can possibly care in a detached impersonal way. Sort of like caring about humanity. I think they often say it to fill in space. I don't think it matters if they care or not and certainly, for me, a therapist caring or not is not going to change anything.

[CantExplain]

I've never had any doubt that my Ts cared. Even Madame T cared.

[atisketatasket]

I don't think a therapist can care the way a friend or family member might. They do not have that status in your life. I have heard of therapists doing all three things you mention, but certainly not all therapists do them, so I think to them expressing caring is a matter of who they are and what boundaries they set for themselves.

Can they actually care? Sure, but I think they need to be careful about expressing it. And that inhibits many of them.

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[divine1966]

I am not sure I understand. You think people can't truly care if they get paid for what they do? I saw other posts before kind of saying people can't really care because they get paid. Maybe I am just not understanding.

People can't work for free at least most of us can't. I care about my students very much but if I didn't get paid id be on the street in few months starving and homeless. I care and not in a detached manner whatsoever yet I got to eat!

Also surely I don't care about my students to the same degree I love my daughter. But that's pretty much normal! There are different levels of care.

Sure my t cares. Of course not to the degree my mom cares but still! Sure she has to get paid because she has to eat and that's nothing to do with care!

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[qwertykeyboard]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am not sure I understand. You think people can't truly care if they get paid for what they do? I saw other posts before kind of saying people can't really care because they get paid. Maybe I am just not understanding.

People can't work for free at least most of us can't. I care about my students very much but if I didn't get paid id be on the street in few months starving and homeless. I care and not in a detached manner whatsoever yet I got to eat!

Also surely I don't care about my students to the same degree I love my daughter. But that's pretty much normal! There are different levels of care.

Sure my t cares. Of course not to the degree my mom cares but still! Sure she has to get paid because she has to eat and that's nothing to do with care!

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yeah but your students don't pay you directly

[Argonautomobile]

I think they care. I’d even say they go out of their way to help people. They went into a helping profession when they could have made more money for less trouble as an accountant or something, after all. I also think you can care about someone who pays you. It happens in the context of a professional relationship, sure, but that doesn’t make it disingenuous.

I care about the kids I tutor, not because their parents pay me, because…well, how could I NOT care, when I see them upset and struggling? How could I NOT want to see them smile and be proud of their work?

In the same vein, how could any decent, empathetic human being look at someone who is clearly hurting and NOT care?

Take care.

[Salmon77]

I think my T cares about me, in the sense that he wonders how I'm doing and hopes I'm doing well. But he doesn't treat me like a friend or family member, I wouldn't expect that. I think it's just a different kind of caring.

[SkyscraperMeow]

To be honest, there are some people in my life who I care about (friends and even family) I wouldn't meet the criteria you've outlined with cards and whatnot and talking to them even 45 minutes a week.

I think therapy can be closer and more personal than a lot of relationships, how many people really take the time to listen to you for 45 minutes each week? And out of those people how many of them aren't getting something from you, whether it be mutual support, an intimate relationship, etc. There are a lot of forms of currency in the world. Getting hung up on the financial can mess with perceptions.

I'm not in any doubt as to whether or not my therapist cares. Having said that, I'm also not in much doubt that the one I had before wasn't really that invested.

Some therapists are going to care more than others, some are going to show it in ways you can appreciate it more than others. However, what they won't do is mimic the format of other relationships in your life. Wanting them to be something other than therapists is a huge source of pain, and I think sometimes it even eclipses the ability to appreciate what they can do uniquely as therapists.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I think therapists care in a very special way. They can't care like a friend or family member but the relationship with a therapist is special and different. I know my T cares. She has said it and I can see it in her face.

[SallyBrown]

Originally Posted by qwertykeyboard

yeah but your students don't pay you directly

I have had students who did not pay me directly, and I have tutored one student who did. I cared very much about her, both as a person and as a student. I still do, even though it's been years since I last saw her. The method of exchange of money made no difference to me -- actually, since I tutored her personally instead of in the midst of a class of several students, I had more of a bond with her.

But no, I didn't care about her like I care about my little brother, who is the same age. Particularly while I was tutoring her, boundaries needed to be in place. Still, I wanted more for her than just a good grade at the end of it, which is all I was actually getting paid for.

[spring2014]

my therapist does care cuz im under her care as her client . she knows when im in trouble during the in between sessions w me I can call or email her and she calls me up on the cell phone so that my bro can't hear the conversation with me and my therapist . my therapist even called me after I called her the day after my surgery when I got home . she called me up the next night to see how was I doing after my surgery . hence my therapist is also an experienced registered nurse .











Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

[NowhereUSA]

My T means it. I could go into all the details about how I know that he does, but I'm tired and would rather not. That being said, I think creating hard and fast rules for caring gets one in trouble. Caring takes a lot of different forms.

[LonesomeTonight]

My marriage counselor recently explained to me that he and my T (and p-doc) care about me, which is why they were considering whether I needed an increased level of treatment. I believe him because I can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. I certainly don't think he cares about me on the same level as his kids or wife, but there's definitely caring there. The same with my T--though she hasn't come out and said it, I can tell in the way she interacts with me and how occasionally she'll tear up when I'm telling her something. Yes, I pay both of them, but I don't think that's what it's about. If I was only a paycheck to them, I think I'd sense that. I feel like people get into the therapy field because they're especially caring and empathic in general. So they're more likely to genuinely care about their clients. At least that's what I choose to believe...

My psychologist has been trying to convince me he cares after i brought up the subject i am trying to acept that he means what he says but i dont believe anyone could/would truly care about me.

My personal belief is that Ts are more likely to be very careful about what they say, and less likely to spout meaningless fluff, than the rest of the population. If they say that they care about you, they probably mean it. Not all therapists say it to all clients, after all.

[Daystrom]

I hope so, because I care about mine.

[lunatic soul]

I believe they care. Person should have heart of stone to not care of someone who is suffering. I care for them so I cant believe that T would not care.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by qwertykeyboard

yeah but your students don't pay you directly

Many Ts don't get paid directly either. Many people use insurance or pay to Ts secretary. I never had a t I had to pay directly. But even if I would?
I sometimes do tutoring and do get paid directly. It doesn't make me less caring.

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[divine1966]

I think it's unrealistic to expect therapist to care just like a family or romantic partner would. That's just a different kind of care.

Also I think when people are convinced that others do not care about them no matter how much others try to convince them, it's something to address in said therapy. There might be something there that needs to be explored. Why do you think they don't care? What makes you worry or wonder? Do you feel this way about other people or only therapists?

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I can't speak for anyone else's T. But my T does care. She had never said in plain speak. But it's there in her actions. It's who she is.

[rainbow8]

I know my T cares about me because she told me and I see it in the way she acts with me.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think it's unrealistic to expect therapist to care just like a family or romantic partner would. That's just a different kind of care.

Also I think when people are convinced that others do not care about them no matter how much others try to convince them, it's something to address in said therapy. There might be something there that needs to be explored. Why do you think they don't care? What makes you worry or wonder? Do you feel this way about other people or only therapists?

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I agree with this completely. In fact, I think it would be harmful if a therapist started caring about us in the same way a close friend or family member would. They're there to help us figure out our lives from an objective perspective, not to become embroiled in them.

It really sucks to feel like nobody (including T) cares, but it can be a rich opportunity to explore why we feel that way.

Take care.