I always worry I will irritate, frustrate, overwhelm or cause my therapist to feel helpless...because that happened with my first clinical psychologist (ex T) who felt my issues were quite overwhelming, my intellectualisation frustrating and difficult to break through, and some of my mannerisms annoying.

So I finally asked the current therapist if she ever felt overwhelmed, irritated, frustrated etc with my struggles, and she said "No." and asked "Does it seem that I am overwhelmed or irritated or frustrated?" and I agreed that no, she seems pretty unphased by my crap.

I told her that I didn't know I overwhelmed my ex T until she told me , though I sensed something was "off" in the room, but didn't know what was wrong. She said I would be able to tell, and I agreed that with her, I feel like she can contain my crap.

So I insisted she had to tell me if I was evoking negative emotions in her and she said "Can I also tell you about the times when you actually make me quite proud, and when you actually make me quite happy?"

I was really surprised that she would actually have these positive feelings towards me.

I told her I really try to work hard in therapy, and that I am invested in and value our work, and said I hoped she was able to sense that, she said she did!

[Leah123]

That's wonderful! Thanks for sharing. I've had a similar experience with my current therapist of 2.5 years now, quite a contrast with the last one from many years ago who told me I made her feel like the worst therapist in the city.

When I graduated college and made other progress and she said how proud she was of me, it was such a wonderful feeling.

Here's to finding a good fit!

[stopdog]

Did you mind that the therapist said these things to you?

Originally Posted by Leah123

That's wonderful! Thanks for sharing. I've had a similar experience with my current therapist of 2.5 years now, quite a contrast with the last one from many years ago who told me I made her feel like the worst therapist in the city.

When I graduated college and made other progress and she said how proud she was of me, it was such a wonderful feeling.

Here's to finding a good fit!

Wow, I'm glad your therapist said she was proud of you!

That ex therapist of yours really shouldn't have said you made her feel like she was the worst therapist in the city.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Did you mind that the therapist said these things to you?

Sorry stopdog, I didn't understand which therapist you mean.

If you mean my first one, I minded very much. I felt I was "too much" and felt ashamed that intellectualization is so automatic for me. Though normally, I pride myself on being "intellectual" and "well read" (she described me as such) and bristled at the perceived implication that being intellectual was a hindrance to therapy.

I would feel like I was being a "bad" therapy client because "I frustrate even a clinical psychologist" and "even a clinical psychologist finds me irritating and annoying - how unbearable must I be to others not trained in unconditional positive regard?" and I felt as though I must be "disgusting" and "a pain in the butt."

I would also feel angry with myself and with her because I know I was trying my best to lower my defenses, and felt she wasn't trying hard enough. I do know ex T had a lot of supervision and peer consultation about me (she told me) so a part of me felt she wasn't able to help me help myself.

[junkDNA]

when my t says hes proud of me i feel good. im glad your t feels proud of you and shares it with you

That's wonderful, thanks for sharing! Having my t say she is proud of me does feel really good. A year ago when I published my first little book of poems, when I told her, she absolutely squealed her delight and told me she was so proud of me. It felt wonderful. My mother (one of the reasons I'm in t in the first place of course) didn't say she was proud of me which I didn't expect but would have been nice to hear. So yeah, I get it. Also it feels really good when t says I've done really good work. I'm glad yours feels proud of you and tells you.

[AllHeart]

That's really sweet QuietMind. How proud you should be, indeed. Thanks for the share.

Thats great!
I always enjoy it when my t says she is proud of or happy with me.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Im glad your T said that to you. I love it when my T says stuff like that to me.