Changes in therapy

Thanks to all who answered my question. I think maybe I am scared of the answer to most of those questions and some of them just aren't relevent like "do you love me?"

I agree....don't think I'd ever ask my T that. Although she used to say it. She took that away too, deciding it wasn't "genuine."

Interestingly, my T just brought this up yesterday during my session. She started by asking me how I feel when I leave there. I told her I lacked connection. She asked with her, or with me. I said yes. She brought up how it's no secret things have not been the same since she quit sitting by me. Unfortunately this was brought up RIGHT at the end of the session, and I saw the time, and got up to leave. It's way more than her stopping sitting by me, and comforting touch. It's about changing boundaries when they no longer suit her, but letting me find out for myself. I don't trust her to talk to me about things, or at least let me know when something isn't working. It's about assuring me things wouldn't change, and then everything that meant anything to me changed right after that. There's a lot more to it than just the act of letting me cry on her shoulder. I don't think she sees that, but her bringing it up that way makes me feel horribly pathetic.

Exactly. My T kept saying nothing else is changing yet he changed more. But never told me he was going to until I started noticing and brought it up. Why did they start doing the things they did if they weren't going to continue. .
Or atleast talk about beforehand. Sorry you r going through this.

Anyone else that has gone through this worried that if you bring something up your T might change things...I told him if I wouldn't have continued to ask for reassurance and trusted your reassurance that you wouldn't have taken it away from me. The emails and all of it. He said noooo it would have changed even if u didn't bring up your worries.
Ugh I have therpay today. Worrying. I just wanted a safe place for once.

Exactly the same here. I started noticing things were changing, and I had to question HER about it. One of my biggest gripes with her is that she didn't talk about it beforehand, or even during or after. She just, in her mind, decided to implement changes, and did it, and just waited for me to notice.

Email's come up in my therapy recently, too. T's had a very generous contact policy with me (we both know i would do better with more than one session a week, but that's not possible), but at times email has gotten messy and convoluted, with a lot of back and forth, misinterpretation and misunderstandings.

A few weeks ago, T talked about reducing email because he was worried it was doing more harm than good at times, but he did it in kind of a clumsy and hurtful way which derailed things for several sessions. However, unlike some Ts, he was open to talking about it (including acknowledging he'd made a bad call in how he handled it) and to working out how we could continue using email in a way that's effective and connecting.

Having said that, it was obvious he didn't initially get how frightening it can be to have your attachment figure suddenly announce they want to shake things up - or how important it is to choose those words carefully! I surprised myself by actually speaking up on my own behalf, which is progress and a positive, but initially my PTSD symptoms went through the roof and it did impact on a lot of sessions. And even though the outcome has been pretty positive, we lost some ground in terms of trust (and i'm still a bit wary).

It's sad they don't "get" that. Mine only saw my hurt as my "abandonment issues" (which were oddly triggered by her abandonment... Hmm) and I sat there and told her I was more hurt by her lies and the fact that she made me doubt myself. I don't think a single ounce of that went to her brain. Just in one ear and out the other and it was *just* about my abandonment issues. Frustrating. Trust is SO important.

One of the last times I saw her she said "this is the first time you've gone all session without asking me for reassurance, maybe you're doing better?" And I said, "why would I ask you for reassuRance when I don't trust you?"