session highs and lows

My low at tonight's session:

So right before my session tonight, I sat in the small outside waiting room (and I mean SMALL... it's basically two chairs in a little space right outside T's door), and I heard loud parts of the session before me. My T has one of those white noise machines, but sure, when someone talks really loud, you can hear it. I can never hear T, but I can hear her clients from time to time (not to mention I'm an insanely jealous curious person, so I always strain my ear to hear). As if I don't already have enough envy towards other clients and wondering if my T likes them more than me, tonight I heard (through the door) the client before me mention a triggering word, which let me know she has the same issue as me. I don't want her to!! That's MY issue to have with T!!! I want T to only think about me with that topic!!

I have SO many lows from tonight's session, but thought I would just share this one... which happened even before the session began

How about all of you?

Did you discuss this when you went in?

Oh no! It must be so hard to feel the painful envy, like someone else took your issue that was special between you and T. How was your session? Did you tell T what you heard?

You're not the only one. I've had this a few times. At her old office, I could sometimes hear them talk. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could hear voices. And I would feel jealous and insecure. That other person must talk more than me and therefore must be an ''easier'' client.
There were a few times when I sat in the waiting room and I saw the client before me leave her room, after their endtime, which is also something that makes me feel so jealous and insecure. And just how those clients said goodbye and how my T responded to that made me so jealous and I was convinced that T must find those clients much more likeable than me. At two or three times when that happened I even had to cry.
There was also one times after session. I was waiting for something and my T came to get the client who was after me. And the way how my T greeted her and asked her if she wanted tea... I got so jealous and so angry. I wanted to quit therapy with her.

I haven't told my T that. I did once talked about that I'm afraid she like her other clients more and that they must be more interesting and I must be boring and annoying because I don't say a lot. ut she didn't exactly said that she did like me or that she didn't find me annoying. Just something like I shouldn't compare myself to others, you can't compare your therapy to someone's elses therapy, every person is different and does their things on their own times and you (I) are just a person who doesn't talk a lot, that is jut you and there's nothing wrong with that.
At the moment I don't feel so much envy toward other clients, but that could come back. But my jealousy with my current T only started this year. I dídn't had it before. I did had once in a group therapy, but that was because other clients got more attention. Because I was so quiet, I was ''easy''. I wouldn't speak my mind if something bothered me, so they could give me little attention and I wouldn't complain.

Oh god no! As pained as I am by what I accidentally hear most of the time, I crave to know what goes on inside that room- if I mentioned it to her, she would change the room setting or do something I'm sure to make sure it would never happen again.

I have incredible hearing and can always hear how she says goodbye to the clients before more as they walk out. It's usually the same, some for others it's a bit different. I am curious about them and what their sessions are like. Mainly because I feel my sessions aren't in the "norm" and really want to know what others experience. I have wanted to talk about her 'greetings' and 'farewells' but for the reason you mentioned above, I won't. I don't want her to change something so I can't hear. I like knowing, I like the curiosity.

this makes me glad my T.s office is upstairs away from the waiting room or other peoples office. no one could ever hear what im talking about . and i dont think anyone should be jealous of my sessions they are hard, uncomfortable and i truely could say no one would want to be me in T

Here's the other side of the door issue: My therapist has a similarly small waiting room and there is someone who often shows up really early--like a half hour early--and I know they can hear our voices, but maybe not make out what's being said. It feels incredibly intrusive and I leave feeling molested somehow.

Is there a way you can arrange to show up at your appointment time to avoid triggering yourself and also respect the person's space who is inside? I typically wait downstairs and take the elevator up a minute or two prior because I don't want to run into the previous client. I am at a loss for those who show up extra early (my therapist has a break between, but even that is not enough to keep some at a safe distance from my sessions).

My therapist knows this bothers me and we've tried different times of day, but it hasn't helped.

I feel the same way about clients waiting outside while I'm inside. Sometimes they are very loud as they settle into the seat (I try to be as quiet as a mouse because I know the sounds carry through the door)... Even worse is when they're very loud and 20 minutes early. In my head I'll think "Welp, might as well wrap up now, your next client is ready to go." And then I feel rushed... which doesn't make sense because I still have those 20 minutes but I feel pressure to keep things moving so she can be onto the next one.

Wow, I never realized how many things trigger me that don't even involve the session itself.

I used to get very jealous of my T's other clients. I used to also wonder if she liked them better than me. I am now very happy when I see the person before and after me (which is often) because I know that they get to have the same wonderful T and she can help them like she has helped me.