How brutally honest does your therapist get?

My therapists have all been pretty straight with me. I wouldn't call it brutal, but I'm pretty thick-skinned to start with so it takes a lot for me to call something "brutal." I absolutely expect my therapist to be completely straight with me and call it as he sees it. I need a therapist who will challenge me to see what I need to do to move forward. I don't want them to sit by and just allow me to continue in my ways where my ways are clearly not working for me. Yes, it is hard to hear and confront the truth sometimes, but for me, that is how I move forward. That doesn't work for everyone though, and a good therapist will know how best to approach an individual.

Not as much as I would like. She is always honest, but not as "brutal" as I would like, there have been a couple of times I really wanted her to just crush me to the point I would leave the session in tears.

there was one time when my T was being pretty honest and it was brutal for me. he apologized later though and said he was being a jack ***. if something he does or says hurts me i am not afraid to tell him and i know he wont get defensive. he is honest with me about what he thinks is going on but not in a brutal way.

This probably sounds bad, but I wish T was more aggressively honest with me. Sometimes I just want to get crazy mad and go off on him. It would give me a good reason to do that.

As long as a therapist's statement is quantifiable opinion, I find usually that harsh remarks come from the critic's own vanity or cruelty rather than a sincere need to help my growth. A blanket statement shaming my deficiencies isn't helpful. When I receive observation that's jarring, yet helpful (ie. "you're creating your own problems) it has never been hurtful. (That didn't come from a therapist, by the way. Therapists created problems that weren't there.)

But yes, I did have a brutal therapist team, bullies really. Picture the scorn of Dr. Phil, but with zero insight or intellect. They seemed interested in domineering me rather than helping me. I no longer subscribe to belittling and shame as a path to growth. I learn far more from reinforcing my strengths than from magnifying my shortcomings.

A substantial part of therapy is T telling the patient what he doesn't want to hear. Still, the T must be careful or the patient won't come back.

I think the desire to have a therapist be 'brutal' or even the allowing of that behavior indicates some emotional masochism on the client's part - which I don't think is healthy to entertain.

OP, all therapists do not act like your therapist is acting. There's a difference between a therapeutic challenge and brute force verbal beatings. In fact, what your therapist said is precisely what abusive men say all the time. "You won't find anyone better than me, the problem is with you, not me. If you would just be better then I wouldn't have to punish you."

It sounds very much like you've gone from living abusive dynamics, to paying for one. I think you know this. I also think you're going to have a hell of a time getting out of this. I really hope you do.

It's also worth mentioning, I think people who have come to endure abuse over a lifetime sometimes walk around with a metaphorical 'kick me' sign on their back. It's a set of behaviors they engage in, where they make themselves immediately subordinate to any strong figure. It's in their tone of voice, the way they hold themselves. It's written on their faces. 'I'm not worthy. Use me. Hurt me.' Unfortunately, that behavior attracts predators. And I think it can bring out abusive behavior people who realize that they can get away with it.

This guy is kicking you when you're down because you let him. And he'll keep doing it. It's also an abuser's tactic to say that they are just trying to help you. That if you just behaved the way they say they should, then you'd be so much better and the beatings would stop. Don't you see how wrong you are? How sick you are? Don't you see how much easier life would be if you would just submit a little more?

But the beatings, verbal, emotional or physical never stop.

From what I've observed, most people on this forum don't stop seeing their abusive therapists out of their own choice. Most of them seem to stay with bad therapists until the therapist is done toying with them and terminates them instead. At which point they become 'victims' of terminations, which is a whole other can of worms.

Ultimately, the responsibility for what happens in therapy, what you tolerate in your life, is on you. The first time someone abuses you, it's their fault. But continuing to return to take the abuse, that has to fall somewhat on your shoulders. Because there's nobody who can put an end to this besides you. It's not fair. It's not easy. But that's the only way out.