[rainbow8]

I've been telling my T that I'm not grieving (please no judgments about that) and I feel guilty for my feelings. She told me today that grieving about "not grieving" is a form of grief too. Grieving because the relationship wasn't what I needed is a form of grief too. Whatever I'm feeling is all right; all parts are welcome, she said.

I had emailed asking if the part who wanted to move in with her was welcome too, and wrote that I know that's totally fantasy. So I brought it up today and said how much progress I've made because I could recognize that
those thoughts are only a fantasy. My Self is much stronger now. Yet I wanted my T to acknowledge that I was grieving the loss of not having the intimacy in marriage that I was imagining I could have with her. It makes me sad that I didn't have it with my H and can't have it with her, obviously. She says I can have it with someone else but I don't know. Anyway, I feel better now that I talked more about my guilty feelings and know that they are acceptable, and that my grief is more complicated but it's still grief.

[CantExplain]

All I learned about grief was:
1. It's not pretty.
2. It takes a long time.
3. Crying helps.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

All I learned about grief was:
1. It's not pretty.
2. It takes a long time.
3. Crying helps.

I still can't cry with my T but I do
when I'm alone.
I want to cry with her, though.

[peaches100]

Rainbow,

I'm glad you had a productive session about grieving. What your t said was wise. I had not thought about grieving for not feeling grief as being a form of grief. But yes, the more I think about it, it most certainly IS a form of grief. Makes so much sense now.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more that in some ways it seems like a deeper form of grief. When you are very close to someone, you grieve because you lost that deep connection. But when you lose someone and don't feel grief, you realize that all of those needs for connection and a mutually loving, reciprocal relationship never came to fruition.

Don't judge yourself for what you feel or don't feel. Just let what your t told you rest with you. You'll grieve in your own way, and in your own time.

[unaluna]