[Walking Man]

There have been a number of threads about this, but I want to ask:

At first I felt like my T wasn't very sympathetic. Now that she's getting to know me better I'm feeling more "validated". The problem is I'm getting attached to her. Mostly it happened last session. As I was leaving I wanted to hug her out of affection. It took me by surprise. (I have been known to hug peopłe on occassion.)

The problem is that: 1. She's my T, not my friend. 2. I'm afraid of becoming needy, even if it's only in my head. I know from experience that if I get needy I will be miserable. I will be looking for something she can't provide. I think it will make everything worse, and will be a major distraction. (FYI: She's not a psycoanalytic therapist.)

What are some things I can do to avoid this?

[Walking Man]

If I can't avoid it, can I make it into a positive thing? I have attachment issues relating to emotional neglect as a child. Getting close to people scares me, but I need it really bad.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'd suggest talking to your T about. I did. She sees how attached to my ex-T I am, and she knows my history with "mother-figures". She told me to be honest with her if I feel myself getting too attached and she'll help me lessen it without punishing me or taking anything away. It's really important I don't idealize her.

But I also understand that talking about it to the person you feel that way about can be difficult.

[Walking Man]

I'm really scared of talking about that sort of thing. I'm afraid she will react poorly and suddenly cut me off (personally). Honestly I think and feel that people will always reject that part of me, the part that seeks affection and is vulnerable. I feel like that part is "wrong" or improper, or even perverted, and unacceptable. It's also hard to express affection. Even when I know it's ok to express affection, or even the right thing to do, I'm scared.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'd suggest talking to your T about. I did. She sees how attached to my ex-T I am, and she knows my history with "mother-figures". She told me to be honest with her if I feel myself getting too attached and she'll help me lessen it without punishing me or taking anything away. It's really important I don't idealize her.

But I also understand that talking about it to the person you feel that way about can be difficult.

Good plan!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Walking Man

I'm really scared of talking about that sort of thing. I'm afraid she will react poorly and suddenly cut me off (personally). Honestly I think and feel that people will always reject that part of me, the part that seeks affection and is vulnerable. I feel like that part is "wrong" or improper, or even perverted, and unacceptable. It's also hard to express affection. Even when I know it's ok to express affection, or even the right thing to do, I'm scared.

OK then, perhaps you could start by talking about your fear of expressing affection.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Walking Man

I'm really scared of talking about that sort of thing. I'm afraid she will react poorly and suddenly cut me off (personally). Honestly I think and feel that people will always reject that part of me, the part that seeks affection and is vulnerable. I feel like that part is "wrong" or improper, or even perverted, and unacceptable. It's also hard to express affection. Even when I know it's ok to express affection, or even the right thing to do, I'm scared.

I can't guess how your T will react, but I just came out and told my T that I thought I was in the middle of transference. The response from my T? "What kind of transference do you think it is?" Almost no reaction at all...just an acceptance of how I was feeling. Transference and attachments are pretty common in therapy. Verbalizing how you feel is more than scary...sometimes it's terrifying! I send you good thoughts and . Do what you feel is right, when you feel ready.

[BayBrony]

My T is consistently aware of ratcheting up of my attachment feelings well before I ever bring it up. You might be surprised.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am not sure if you can avoid it. The best thing would be to talk to her about it. I was afraid to talk to my T about my attachment because I thought she would change things but she didn't and she is helping me through the feelings.

[Walking Man]

Thank you all for the good suggestions. I don't know what I'll do. I guess I'll wait to see how I feel. One hour seems so short!

My life situation right now is rather insecure, and she's really the only one I can talk to. She's also the only one validating my feelings, so I suppose my feelings about her make sense.