[jbug]

Since I am on summer vacation from school my days aren't structured and since I need structure to function I am to have something to do everyday. Well I have most days figured out but on Mondays I'm still without something to do. My mom and I are going to do things on some Mondays but not all the time.

Anyway my T Steve and I were talking about this recently and he said well on Monday nights you could come watch me play softball. I was immediately wierded out and said um no thanks. Seeing him twice a week is enough for me and I'd be worried he'd be watching me from the dugout trying to figure out how I manage in public. He probably wouldn't be doing that but I'd feel like it. Do any of your T's invite you to do things out in public?

Jbug

omg. i wish my T would

I wish my T would invite me to do things in public! But... I can see how it can possibly feel like they are offering just to see you in your "natural habitat" and how you are in a setting outside of office.

[Perna]

Hey, he couldn't very well watch you and the ball at the same time, LOL! I told my T about a public library book sale I was part of and she came to it (and I hid and had a friend report to me on her movements and what she bought/said, etc. :-) It would feel weird to have T invite me to something; I had enough trouble travelling in the same elevator alone with her up to our offices!

[sunrise]

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janniebug said:
Do any of your T's invite you to do things out in public?

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I did get one invitation. I had only seen my T about 3 times and was becoming really attached and not knowing what the h*ll was happening to me. I was thinking about him A LOT outside of session. And I was reading the In Session book about women's bonds with their therapists, and I was learning all about boundary crossings and violations, etc. And then at the end of a session, my T invited me to attend a certain event he would be at with a lot of other people--I won't say what the event is. He didn't invite me to attend with him, but just to attend the event, which he would be at. He said a little about it and why he thought I might like it and the sort of people who would be there. It totally freaked me out. I was very naiive about therapy and just learning about transference, attachment, boundaries, etc., and I felt an alarm go off in my head that said BOUNDARY CROSSING BOUNDARY CROSSING, lol. I said something like "oh, that sounds nice," or something non-committal but did not ask him details about when or where the event was. He dropped it right away. I'm sure he noticed me get uncomfortable and kind of stiffen when he said this. Now, many moons later, I have reached a high level of comfort and ease with my T, and if he asked me something similar, I would have no trouble fielding this sort of comment/invitation, but back then, I was too new to being infatuated with him and feeling really, really weird about feeling that way about him. I felt no way would I go to this same event he would be at. Would I have to talk to him there? Would we even see each other there? I didn't want him seeing me, because then he would see how dysfunctional I am in real life (I was still depressed then, and would not have been comfortable in a big social scene where I wouldn't know a soul). I just felt like AAAAACCCKKK!

What are you going to do about your T's softball invitation, JannieBug?

[lauren_helene]

Hi Jannie!

No sadly my therapist hasn't invited me anywhere.

I wouldn't be uncomfortable if he did and wish he would lighten up a bit. Today for example he told me something about himself as a child and made a point to say he shouldn't tell me that but it is relevant to our discussion.

I wanted to scream 'is there someone else here in the room that I'm not aware of that will tell on you?'

Sometimes I feel like we take a few steps forward and then a few back. I thought he was able to trust me. I'm trying not to dwell on it though.

I'm doing a great job not dwelling on that eh?

[jbug]

I am not going to go to his softball game. It is in south Fayetteville which is about 45 minutes away and with the price of gas I can't afford it. I told him that I couldn't afford it and reminded him about the price of gas. I just felt really wierded out by the whole thing. Sometimes I feel that we are more like friends than therapist-client. Though I am kind of feeling bad right now about him because I called him Tuesday night on his voice mail and again last night and he didn't call me back. I know he has a life outside therapy and stuff but I figured he would have at least called me during the day yesterday just to comment on what I talked to him about on the voice mail. I am trying not to go into the mind set of oh he really doesn't care about me. I am trying to stay in the present and realize that he never said he'd call me back every time.

Jbug

[PetulantWolf]

Yeah my T meets me at Barnes and Noble once in awhile...

[sidony]

My therapist has never invited me to anything outside of our therapy sessions. Well, he invited me to group therapy, but that's really not the same thing. I would think it was weird if he did invite me to anything. It just doesn't seem appropriate though I wouldn't totally flip out about it if he did. I prefer things the way they are.

If any of you would like for your therapist to see how you interact in real life, then I recommend group therapy (or not! It's scary!)



Sidony

I guess T's are like parents in a way...which ever way they operate becomes "normal" for us...and if T was to ask me to meet her I would find it odd...only because thats not how she operates...Oh I think I'd jump at the chance to do anything with T, well in my head I would. I'm not sure if I'd really deep down want it to really happen. I guess I'd prefer my calls to be acknowledged more than an invite??? I guess its the day to day little important things that count the most to us?

[lauren_helene]

Jannie, I wonder if your T is trying to get you to get out and about and that is why he invited you?

I don't think it was to watch you. However, if you are not comfortable then you shouldn't go.

I like your quote by the way. I wonder which one I am these days...

[sunrise]

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almeda24fan said:
Today for example he told me something about himself as a child and made a point to say he shouldn't tell me that but it is relevant to our discussion.

I wanted to scream 'is there someone else here in the room that I'm not aware of that will tell on you?'

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almedafan, I think your T was not concerned about your "telling on him" that he had self disclosed. He was just acknowledging that his theoretical orientation and practice frowns on self disclosure, but nevertheless, he felt it would help in that situation, so he did it. He's just giving a nod to his training but forging on with a bit of eclectism. My T's orientation does allow for therapeutic self disclosure, so he wouldn't feel he had to apologize for doing it.

[lauren_helene]

Oh I see what you mean. Thanks for telling me that because he has disclosed before a little bit but always says he shouldn't but it's relevant.

I take things too personally...

[LittleMouse]

My therapist often share some personal things with me about himself and I love it. Of course we don't spend time discussing this personal life but the sharings makes the relationship feel so much more real. I really love him for sharing a part of himself with. It makes me feel that he really does care. I know he is careful and only does it when it had a particular purpose but it makes me feel wonderful that he is willing to do this type of sharing. My bond with him is much closer becaue of this.

[lauren_helene]

You said it perfectly for me little mouse. That is why I like it and it does make me feel closer and then he apologizes for it saying he shouldn't.

Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread Jannie. How are you today?

[MissCharlotte]

Jannie,

I think going to T's baseball game would feel a little weird to me too. It would feel too much like I was supposed to be his "fan" or something. However, he probably was just being nice and helping you find something to do with your time now that school is out.

Have you thought about volunteering at a local day camp? Maybe you could do arts and crafts with kids or read to them....just a thought.

I would not mind if my T invited me somewhere--but he never has. I would even go with hubby. But, not his softball game...In general, I like it when T self-discloses which he does fairly frequently, talking about his kids or, on occasion, his girlfriend (ugh)....